Doing well but....

Old 06-20-2015, 05:18 AM
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Doing well but....

Only see my ex when he picks them up for his every other weekend visit. He does a breathalyzer and acts all I am perfect you are the one that made all this happen.

So yesterday he gets the kids. One of his legs (not both) below the knee has like 4 gashes like punctures. I said oh my what happened to your leg? He said he hit the bed and then they got infected? I did not react just said oh gosh.
Knowing it looked more like a biking accident but he doesn't bike, they are infected and probably bled pretty good. And he missed he visit with the children this week. And those gashes weren't there lastFriday.

He thinks his little lies work. Such a child.

Not my problem. But the kids are my concern.

This is a guy who hides his drink and ends up in the hospital for days. How he still has a job and got beat up by his bed is still a mystery.
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Old 06-20-2015, 07:02 AM
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He said he hit the bed and then they got infected?
It does seem unlikely he could cut himself that badly by hitting the bed. You don't believe him, you didn't react, good for you! Nothing to be gained by trying to get a different answer.

Yes, only the kids are your concern. Thank God you're enforcing the breathalyzer. Sorry I don't recall your kids' ages and hope they're old enough to call you if he drinks while he's with them?
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Old 06-20-2015, 08:23 AM
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Thanks for the reply.

In the past I would have believed him, thought nothing of it or quizzed him on it. Now I know to firmly tell myself that was a lie. It is interesting how much I believed or ignored in the past.

The kids are young! But both know my phone number and he is in a nice building with a front desk and they called me last night. I don't think they know if he is drinking. (At night) heck half the time I didn't either until I found a hiding bottle...sadly ignorance was bliss until functional turned into jail time....but if someone has a very good job and keeps it and makes money...how can they be an alcoholic.

Yes the breathalyzer is in place for one year. At least that buys me one more year of their safety. But the cover up is so good that next year I will never know. That will be tough.

But I got through the interlock coming off the car and the restrictions ending. So just sending prayers on these weekends. All will be ok.

But seriously? Admit to gashes that are infected for hitting the bed? If that helps him feel normal. I guess that is all he can do...


I can't help but wonder what the heck really happen. My guess involves alcohol! And a rocky ledge.
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Old 06-20-2015, 09:08 AM
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My guess is he doesn't even remember how it happened!
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Old 06-20-2015, 09:56 AM
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You are probably right. It really is sad. I guess as long as he can clean himself up every 12 days he gets the kids for a night or two. Are his family covers for him.

He really has no idea the number of days he used to loose blacked out...except I was there to remind him. Gosh I was sick and my recovery will take some time.

I feel bad something happened to him. But it is a small visible reminder I had to let go... And the denial and "perfect facade" is just that....it is when the reminders are unseen I question myself...

Yes I used to cover up some crazy stuff... Hospital and jail...no one knew... I kept attending things win the kids and make an excuse he was tired from work travel etc! To fool myself and to make it through.

Honesty hurts but it is real.
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Old 06-20-2015, 10:04 AM
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Yep honesty does hurt but it also helps us on our road to recovery
And you sound like you are doing great on that road.

I think each time we can reflect, and grieve a little it's a step forward.

I see how far I have come by looking at how I would have reacted to my AH in the past. If he was up for a verbal fight I would give as good as I got...

But that got me nowhere! I saw I person I had become that I didn't like very much......and I didn't recognise...

SR and Al anon keep me sane!

Take care Phiz
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Old 06-20-2015, 10:16 AM
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The legal bill will remind me for months how much his crazy cost me. I had to stop fighting him, he didn't play fair and he wanted to hurt me and prove something.... And none of it was good for the kids only himself.

My issue is he had money and a good job...I can see why so many women have a hard time...it is mentally draining, emotional abuse, and you are paying for it for months if not years.

I never was able to stop him from drinking.. Only the county woke him up in jail and court
I never was able to stop him from drinking around the kids....no a court order is a threat to him...
But I am not the wall flower just because I ignore his lies.
I can't do much unless the breathalyzer shows something. And he can cancel on the kids...

It is sad to know what a great family we could have been...but a lot of it was in my head. Dreams. And alcohol is something I can't fix.


Wow gashes in the leg... And this is what happens to me.

Glad to have you guys here who can understand.
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