Alcoholic soulmate and sadness
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Alcoholic soulmate and sadness
Hello everybody,
After perusing this forum for four months now and reading with compassion and sympathy, I have decided to share my situation out of a need for your wisdom and understanding.
To start, I met my soulmate four months ago against all odds of two oddballs like us meeting in this incarnation. It was nothing short of sychronicity, and we met happenstance on a spiritual site. We are literally everything we have been looking for in a partner…except I of course have major issues with her alcoholism (sound familiar?).
Let’s start from the beginning…her life story and why she is the way she is upon our crossing paths.
My AGF was born to two alcoholic parents. Her father left the family when my AGF and her brother were toddlers. AGF grew up without a father, but her father gave a lot of financial support to her mother. AGF’s mother was abusive and neglectful to her and her brother, and pretty much hoarded her resources for herself. Her mother was at one point admitted to a mental institution, and AGF and her brother had a very rough childhood overall.
She left her mother at the age of 17 and went to Las Angeles to be near a friend. Then she moved to Michigan when she was 20, and then she moved to Austin, Texas and lived their all throughout her 20s. While in Austin, she spent a lot of her time looking for love. At this point she was completely stable and had no issues with alcohol. She was young, passionate, vibrant, kind, caring, compassionate, sweet, and went out of her way for other people.
Throughout her 20s, she was screwed over by every single man she tried to have a relationship with. Due to her lack of having a father as a child, she never knew how to interact with men, and she never was guided on how to approach relationships. Because of this, she thought that in order for a woman to get a man’s attention, she had to have sex with him first and then she would hope that he would stay and she would find they were compatible. She felt the need to attract the attention of men due to her Daddy issues as a child.
So she ended up having sex with about 18 men throughout her 20s (about two per year) because she was honestly looking for love. They all ended up leaving her after 1-3 weeks because (according to her) they didn’t like her authenticity. (On a side-note, she IS one of the most authentic people I have ever met, and I understand why most people are turned off by it. Most people are fake and play mind games).
All the men she dated USED her body, because she is very attractive. She never understood that many men are manipulative and will say all the right things just so they can have sex with a woman. It just so happens that every man she was attracted to happened to be a manipulative man. It is no surprise, because she lived in a party city, and was unlucky in the men she came across who manipulated her. She was naïve, too trusting, and didn’t understand how manipulative many men can be.
When she was 28, one of these men got her pregnant the first time they had sex. She quickly realized how much of a horrible person this man was, and she regretted having sex with him. He and his family practically forced her to have an abortion, and this ruined her emotionally.
At this time she was also diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, which is an immune disorder. She was put in the hospital and she had to use Pharmaceuticals for the next five years.
Because she was ruined emotionally from the abortion, she quickly spiraled out of control. At the age of 29, she met a sociopath who manipulated her and took advantage of her vulnerability and emotionally abused her for one year. She allowed him to live in her apartment even though he didn’t pay rent. Because of all this abuse, she turned to alcohol to feel better. She gained fifty pounds and lost all of her self-esteem, and he made her feel disgusted with herself. After this man ruined her life financially, emotionally, and mentally, she had to move back home with her mother in Connecticut (she had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to).
By the time she moved back in with her alcoholic, abusive, neglectful mother, she was looking to start her life over. By this time, she was 30 years old. After five years of taking steroids for her disease (Prednisone), her beautiful feminine body aged twenty years. Her supple young breasts sagged as if she had three children after breastfeeding, and all other parts of her body started changing. She started growing blonde hair on her face, and her feminine physique started to become a bit masculine.
Because of the disease and her low self-esteem, her being used and abused by 18 men in her 20s, her lack of a father growing up, her neglectful and abusive mother as a child, and her having genetics of alcoholics…the combined trauma caused her to spiral totally out of control and became an alcoholic.
Continued...
After perusing this forum for four months now and reading with compassion and sympathy, I have decided to share my situation out of a need for your wisdom and understanding.
To start, I met my soulmate four months ago against all odds of two oddballs like us meeting in this incarnation. It was nothing short of sychronicity, and we met happenstance on a spiritual site. We are literally everything we have been looking for in a partner…except I of course have major issues with her alcoholism (sound familiar?).
Let’s start from the beginning…her life story and why she is the way she is upon our crossing paths.
My AGF was born to two alcoholic parents. Her father left the family when my AGF and her brother were toddlers. AGF grew up without a father, but her father gave a lot of financial support to her mother. AGF’s mother was abusive and neglectful to her and her brother, and pretty much hoarded her resources for herself. Her mother was at one point admitted to a mental institution, and AGF and her brother had a very rough childhood overall.
She left her mother at the age of 17 and went to Las Angeles to be near a friend. Then she moved to Michigan when she was 20, and then she moved to Austin, Texas and lived their all throughout her 20s. While in Austin, she spent a lot of her time looking for love. At this point she was completely stable and had no issues with alcohol. She was young, passionate, vibrant, kind, caring, compassionate, sweet, and went out of her way for other people.
Throughout her 20s, she was screwed over by every single man she tried to have a relationship with. Due to her lack of having a father as a child, she never knew how to interact with men, and she never was guided on how to approach relationships. Because of this, she thought that in order for a woman to get a man’s attention, she had to have sex with him first and then she would hope that he would stay and she would find they were compatible. She felt the need to attract the attention of men due to her Daddy issues as a child.
So she ended up having sex with about 18 men throughout her 20s (about two per year) because she was honestly looking for love. They all ended up leaving her after 1-3 weeks because (according to her) they didn’t like her authenticity. (On a side-note, she IS one of the most authentic people I have ever met, and I understand why most people are turned off by it. Most people are fake and play mind games).
All the men she dated USED her body, because she is very attractive. She never understood that many men are manipulative and will say all the right things just so they can have sex with a woman. It just so happens that every man she was attracted to happened to be a manipulative man. It is no surprise, because she lived in a party city, and was unlucky in the men she came across who manipulated her. She was naïve, too trusting, and didn’t understand how manipulative many men can be.
When she was 28, one of these men got her pregnant the first time they had sex. She quickly realized how much of a horrible person this man was, and she regretted having sex with him. He and his family practically forced her to have an abortion, and this ruined her emotionally.
At this time she was also diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, which is an immune disorder. She was put in the hospital and she had to use Pharmaceuticals for the next five years.
Because she was ruined emotionally from the abortion, she quickly spiraled out of control. At the age of 29, she met a sociopath who manipulated her and took advantage of her vulnerability and emotionally abused her for one year. She allowed him to live in her apartment even though he didn’t pay rent. Because of all this abuse, she turned to alcohol to feel better. She gained fifty pounds and lost all of her self-esteem, and he made her feel disgusted with herself. After this man ruined her life financially, emotionally, and mentally, she had to move back home with her mother in Connecticut (she had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to).
By the time she moved back in with her alcoholic, abusive, neglectful mother, she was looking to start her life over. By this time, she was 30 years old. After five years of taking steroids for her disease (Prednisone), her beautiful feminine body aged twenty years. Her supple young breasts sagged as if she had three children after breastfeeding, and all other parts of her body started changing. She started growing blonde hair on her face, and her feminine physique started to become a bit masculine.
Because of the disease and her low self-esteem, her being used and abused by 18 men in her 20s, her lack of a father growing up, her neglectful and abusive mother as a child, and her having genetics of alcoholics…the combined trauma caused her to spiral totally out of control and became an alcoholic.
Continued...
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Here I am, having met her now. She is now 35 years old, living with her alcoholic mother, friendless, and jobless. She has developed PTSD, shows signs of Autism, shows signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar disorder, and has chronic anxiety.
When we met, she was still hoping to find “The One,” still believing him to be out in the world. I myself have been also looking for “The One” and we met on a spiritual dating site. We were both ecstatic upon finding one another, as we are so unbelievably compatible it is nothing short of a miracle that we crossed paths. When we met she was 35 and I was 24 (big age difference but I am mature for my age as a man), and unfortunately, by this time she was a full-blown alcoholic.
We live 1,000 miles away, so we Skype every single day. I too live with my parents due to the poor economy, and I have been looking for a job in my field for well over a year. She is literally trapped in her situation, because her mother is a functioning alcoholic who keeps bottles of wine in the house. This of course doesn’t help my AGF’s situation, and her mother acts like a manager to her. Her mother is cold, emotionless, and pretty much keeps my AGF locked up in the upstairs. She is oblivious to my AGF’s excessive alcoholic tendencies, because she is an alcoholic herself.
I love this woman so very much. She is my first girlfriend and the first woman I made love to, because I have been waiting for the right woman to come along in my life. Everything about her is so perfect for what I have been looking for in a mate, except the alcoholism. She is the most kind, loving soul in the whole world, but she turns into a psychotic maniac when she drinks. Even though our only interaction at the moment are through Skype, she sends me horrific emails every time she drinks for no reason at all.
I did visit her in Connecticut for 11 days, which were wonderful! She didn’t drink the whole time, but I could tell that she was going to explode any second. I had to leave early because her mother is so controlling of her and doesn’t feel comfortable with other people in her home.
She is emotionally abusive towards me, but apologizes the next day. Every single time. I have tried to carry this long-distance relationship with an alcoholic (with no signs of us EVER being able to make money and move in together in the near future), but I am at a breaking point. It has gotten to the point where I am miserable with the relationship more often than happy. She drinks when she is bored, but also drinks when she is stressed out.
The past four months have been tumultuous, and I have tried to break up with her dozens of times due to her alcoholism. But she keeps convincing me to continue the relationship by making me feel guilty, with the typical alcoholic manipulations. At the same time, I love her so much and we picked out an engagement ring and even talked about having children. I have never felt this way about anybody before, and I can see the beautiful, compassionate side to her…I’m still holding onto this side of her.
Continued...
When we met, she was still hoping to find “The One,” still believing him to be out in the world. I myself have been also looking for “The One” and we met on a spiritual dating site. We were both ecstatic upon finding one another, as we are so unbelievably compatible it is nothing short of a miracle that we crossed paths. When we met she was 35 and I was 24 (big age difference but I am mature for my age as a man), and unfortunately, by this time she was a full-blown alcoholic.
We live 1,000 miles away, so we Skype every single day. I too live with my parents due to the poor economy, and I have been looking for a job in my field for well over a year. She is literally trapped in her situation, because her mother is a functioning alcoholic who keeps bottles of wine in the house. This of course doesn’t help my AGF’s situation, and her mother acts like a manager to her. Her mother is cold, emotionless, and pretty much keeps my AGF locked up in the upstairs. She is oblivious to my AGF’s excessive alcoholic tendencies, because she is an alcoholic herself.
I love this woman so very much. She is my first girlfriend and the first woman I made love to, because I have been waiting for the right woman to come along in my life. Everything about her is so perfect for what I have been looking for in a mate, except the alcoholism. She is the most kind, loving soul in the whole world, but she turns into a psychotic maniac when she drinks. Even though our only interaction at the moment are through Skype, she sends me horrific emails every time she drinks for no reason at all.
I did visit her in Connecticut for 11 days, which were wonderful! She didn’t drink the whole time, but I could tell that she was going to explode any second. I had to leave early because her mother is so controlling of her and doesn’t feel comfortable with other people in her home.
She is emotionally abusive towards me, but apologizes the next day. Every single time. I have tried to carry this long-distance relationship with an alcoholic (with no signs of us EVER being able to make money and move in together in the near future), but I am at a breaking point. It has gotten to the point where I am miserable with the relationship more often than happy. She drinks when she is bored, but also drinks when she is stressed out.
The past four months have been tumultuous, and I have tried to break up with her dozens of times due to her alcoholism. But she keeps convincing me to continue the relationship by making me feel guilty, with the typical alcoholic manipulations. At the same time, I love her so much and we picked out an engagement ring and even talked about having children. I have never felt this way about anybody before, and I can see the beautiful, compassionate side to her…I’m still holding onto this side of her.
Continued...
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My problems are this:
1.) I truly believe that she is my soulmate. I will never meet another woman like her again, and probably will never find a woman I’m attracted to enough to have a relationship again. I am extraordinarily selective of my partners, but not out of superficialities. Because of my personality and world-view, I need a very specific person who is compatible with me. I can live alone, as I have lived alone my whole life until meeting my AGF, but I long to share in beautiful love with the right woman. Honestly, the idea of having a romantic relationship with the right woman is the only keeping me sane on this planet right now, because living on this planet in this survival-of-the-fittest society and materialistic culture is KILLING me.
2.) I have so much sympathy for her. She is the way she is because of unfortunate genetics, being born to a neglectful and abusive mother, being raised without a father, getting a horrible disease randomly, losing her femininity due to the corruption of the Pharmaceutical industry, and because the way men have treated her her whole life. None of these issues were necessarily her fault. She used to be the most loving, caring, compassionate, trusting, patient, loyal woman, but the corruption of this world destroyed her. I do not want to abandon her like every other man has in her life, because I truly love her authenticity. It is just unfortunate that when we finally cross paths in this incarnation…she is a full-blown alcoholic and so mentally unstable that she cannot function as a normal human being in society anymore.
I don’t know what to do. I cannot take her alcoholism anymore, and we aren’t even living together or even in the same city! All we have is Skype and email, and it is already too much for me to handle. I just love her so much and I sympathize with her situation.
BUT, she is the one who put herself in the situation of having sex with so many nasty men. She could have made the decision to hold off having sex, date the men to see if they are emotionally compatible, and then pursue the relationship. Those were HER actions, and she allowed these nasty men to manipulate her and cause her to feel low self-esteem. Right?
Anyway, I am at the point where I would rather live alone the rest of my life than to have an unstable relationship with my soulmate. It is so sad, and I do feel a bit guilty. I don’t want to be just another person in her life who abandons her. If I met her when she was 18 before her tumultuous escapades with society, things would be different. But alas…this is what hand life dealt us in this incarnation.
I love her sober side so much. She is so caring and wonderful…but her alcoholic side is too much for me to handle. I wish this weren’t the case.
Thank you for reading, friends. I want Love so very badly, and it is sad to know that I will most likely never find a compatible woman again. It is also sad to see her spiral out of control, because she is such a beautiful soul.
1.) I truly believe that she is my soulmate. I will never meet another woman like her again, and probably will never find a woman I’m attracted to enough to have a relationship again. I am extraordinarily selective of my partners, but not out of superficialities. Because of my personality and world-view, I need a very specific person who is compatible with me. I can live alone, as I have lived alone my whole life until meeting my AGF, but I long to share in beautiful love with the right woman. Honestly, the idea of having a romantic relationship with the right woman is the only keeping me sane on this planet right now, because living on this planet in this survival-of-the-fittest society and materialistic culture is KILLING me.
2.) I have so much sympathy for her. She is the way she is because of unfortunate genetics, being born to a neglectful and abusive mother, being raised without a father, getting a horrible disease randomly, losing her femininity due to the corruption of the Pharmaceutical industry, and because the way men have treated her her whole life. None of these issues were necessarily her fault. She used to be the most loving, caring, compassionate, trusting, patient, loyal woman, but the corruption of this world destroyed her. I do not want to abandon her like every other man has in her life, because I truly love her authenticity. It is just unfortunate that when we finally cross paths in this incarnation…she is a full-blown alcoholic and so mentally unstable that she cannot function as a normal human being in society anymore.
I don’t know what to do. I cannot take her alcoholism anymore, and we aren’t even living together or even in the same city! All we have is Skype and email, and it is already too much for me to handle. I just love her so much and I sympathize with her situation.
BUT, she is the one who put herself in the situation of having sex with so many nasty men. She could have made the decision to hold off having sex, date the men to see if they are emotionally compatible, and then pursue the relationship. Those were HER actions, and she allowed these nasty men to manipulate her and cause her to feel low self-esteem. Right?
Anyway, I am at the point where I would rather live alone the rest of my life than to have an unstable relationship with my soulmate. It is so sad, and I do feel a bit guilty. I don’t want to be just another person in her life who abandons her. If I met her when she was 18 before her tumultuous escapades with society, things would be different. But alas…this is what hand life dealt us in this incarnation.
I love her sober side so much. She is so caring and wonderful…but her alcoholic side is too much for me to handle. I wish this weren’t the case.
Thank you for reading, friends. I want Love so very badly, and it is sad to know that I will most likely never find a compatible woman again. It is also sad to see her spiral out of control, because she is such a beautiful soul.
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I think she has you bamboozled. She may have had a rough start but once she left home she was an adult and all the decisions she made - from drinking to promiscuity to abortion to picking the wrong men - those were her choices. She seems to blame everyone else for her decisions, and that's not uncommon in people with addiction and dual diagnoses like bipolar or borderline personality disorder.
You just met. Luckily you found out all this very early on. Unless and until she gets some serious recovery under her belt - you are in for a lot of pain and suffering.
This whole "soulmate" thing? It's a fable manufactured by movie producers. There are many people with whom all of us can be compatible and make a life. There isn't just one person for each person.
It seems you've decided to move on. Rip the Bandaid off and make it a clean break. That is the kindest thing you can do for both of you. She is a big girl and will deal with it.
You just met. Luckily you found out all this very early on. Unless and until she gets some serious recovery under her belt - you are in for a lot of pain and suffering.
This whole "soulmate" thing? It's a fable manufactured by movie producers. There are many people with whom all of us can be compatible and make a life. There isn't just one person for each person.
It seems you've decided to move on. Rip the Bandaid off and make it a clean break. That is the kindest thing you can do for both of you. She is a big girl and will deal with it.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
This whole "soulmate" thing? It's a fable manufactured by movie producers. There are many people with whom all of us can be compatible and make a life. There isn't just one person for each person.
I am not like the ordinary person in this world. I cannot simply go walk around and find somebody I'm compatible with, for reasons that I don't wish to share.
Thank you for your input.
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People who are addicted to substances use those substances as their primary means of coping with and numbing their emotions. Very gently I must suggest that you have no idea who this woman really is without that coping mechanism. Moreover, she has no idea who she really is either. Until she decides to learn to deal with life on life's terms, feeling the full force of her emotional life, neither of you will ever know the "real" her.
Also, even in the healthiest relationship, which you clearly see that this is not, four months is an incredibly short period of time. Let go of what the movies tell you romance and love should be. Healthy relationships require honesty, intimacy, revelation, respect, hard work, and trust. One cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone who does not have a healthy relationship with themselves.
If you decide right now that you will never have a loving relationship, then sadly you probably won't. Please ask yourself why you are so willing to invest so much, including any possibility for future happiness, in someone who is so broken.
Also, even in the healthiest relationship, which you clearly see that this is not, four months is an incredibly short period of time. Let go of what the movies tell you romance and love should be. Healthy relationships require honesty, intimacy, revelation, respect, hard work, and trust. One cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone who does not have a healthy relationship with themselves.
If you decide right now that you will never have a loving relationship, then sadly you probably won't. Please ask yourself why you are so willing to invest so much, including any possibility for future happiness, in someone who is so broken.
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Robin,
Your soulmate is definitely on a dangerous path in this incarnation. What has your soulmate done to change her predicament? Why is it always someone else's fault or fate to blame in her story?
Financially, you both live at home. The best thing perhaps you should focus on is get financially independent. Set this goal for both of you. Then see if your soulmate has managed to get a job and her own housing away from her mother. If you just observe more drinking and e-mail abuse, then you know that she's not on board with you being together. But hopefully in the meantime you will have put the work in and attained some success at a better paying job and a place of your own.
Good luck.
Your soulmate is definitely on a dangerous path in this incarnation. What has your soulmate done to change her predicament? Why is it always someone else's fault or fate to blame in her story?
Financially, you both live at home. The best thing perhaps you should focus on is get financially independent. Set this goal for both of you. Then see if your soulmate has managed to get a job and her own housing away from her mother. If you just observe more drinking and e-mail abuse, then you know that she's not on board with you being together. But hopefully in the meantime you will have put the work in and attained some success at a better paying job and a place of your own.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Originally Posted by Robin777
My problems are this:
Honestly, the idea of having a romantic relationship with the right woman is the only keeping me sane on this planet right now
Honestly, the idea of having a romantic relationship with the right woman is the only keeping me sane on this planet right now
And I don't think this woman is nice at all. You seem to have idealized her, and now you're starting to realize who the true person is.
Real love doesn't create so much upheaval, especially after only 4 months.
We've all been where you are to some degree. Best of luck sorting through it.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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There is a lot to be concerned about.
You have built up a fantasy. You don't have a real relationship. I say this as someone who tried to do a long distance "relationship" once. It isn't real. You project all your hopes and dreams on to someone you don't really know very well and who can present themselves in whatever way they wish.
I don't see her taking any responsibility for her life. It's all everyone else's fault.
You also might want to think about what her motivation was in telling you all the things she has told you.
I think you might benefit from some counseling/therapy. You might want to have a professional help you work through some of this. It sounds like you have some of your own issues. I say this as someone who goes to therapy and has my own issues.
I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position. It might not be easy to let go, but it sounds like you know you need to.
You have built up a fantasy. You don't have a real relationship. I say this as someone who tried to do a long distance "relationship" once. It isn't real. You project all your hopes and dreams on to someone you don't really know very well and who can present themselves in whatever way they wish.
I don't see her taking any responsibility for her life. It's all everyone else's fault.
You also might want to think about what her motivation was in telling you all the things she has told you.
I think you might benefit from some counseling/therapy. You might want to have a professional help you work through some of this. It sounds like you have some of your own issues. I say this as someone who goes to therapy and has my own issues.
I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position. It might not be easy to let go, but it sounds like you know you need to.
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For clarification:
Though we have only been together four months, we know every single thing about one another. Because we are both unemployed and friendless, we have had the fortune of spending the amount of time together that couples who have been together for years spend together.
Though through Skype mostly, we talk every day and have explored every little aspect of one another--our pasts, our dreams, our visions, our anxieties, our insecurities, our passions, etc.
It literally feels like we have been married for three years. I know who she is on the inside, and she knows me. We know more about one another than our own family members who we've obviously known our entire lives.
Though we have only been together four months, we know every single thing about one another. Because we are both unemployed and friendless, we have had the fortune of spending the amount of time together that couples who have been together for years spend together.
Though through Skype mostly, we talk every day and have explored every little aspect of one another--our pasts, our dreams, our visions, our anxieties, our insecurities, our passions, etc.
It literally feels like we have been married for three years. I know who she is on the inside, and she knows me. We know more about one another than our own family members who we've obviously known our entire lives.
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Originally Posted by Needabreak
This sentence jumped out on me. Maybe start working here. Another person cannot fulfill you in this way, not for long anyway. Maybe in the honeymoon stage, but after that's over, you're still left with your own issues.
The problem isn't me. I have melancholy because I have deep empathy for people and the planet. I take self-responsibility and do not blame others for my own mistakes. I also do not bring suffering into my life.
It is the collective culture, habits, and mindset of humanity that brings me down...because it seems that most people are ignorant of the state of the world. People vote for Parasitic politicians and give up their own sovereignty, and I have to suffer because of the actions of other people (though I do take blame for my own actions).
With respect,
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Originally Posted by Robin777
For clarification:
Though we have only been together four months, we know every single thing about one another. Because we are both unemployed and friendless, we have had the fortune of spending the amount of time together that couples who have been together for years spend together.
Though through Skype mostly, we talk every day and have explored every little aspect of one another--our pasts, our dreams, our visions, our anxieties, our insecurities, our passions, etc.
It literally feels like we have been married for three years. I know who she is on the inside, and she knows me. We know more about one another than our own family members who we've obviously known our entire lives.
Though we have only been together four months, we know every single thing about one another. Because we are both unemployed and friendless, we have had the fortune of spending the amount of time together that couples who have been together for years spend together.
Though through Skype mostly, we talk every day and have explored every little aspect of one another--our pasts, our dreams, our visions, our anxieties, our insecurities, our passions, etc.
It literally feels like we have been married for three years. I know who she is on the inside, and she knows me. We know more about one another than our own family members who we've obviously known our entire lives.
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Originally Posted by whowho
Robin77, what are you doing to work on you? Are you working on employment? Why are you friendless?
I am friendless because I have purposely isolated myself from society. Part of it has to do with anxiety after having a mental breakdown a couple years ago, and making a career mistake that I highly regret. The mental breakdown came from learning about conspiracies that are plaguing this planet, which is why it is difficult for me to relate to people nowadays (I do not wish to comment anymore about this). I just cannot relate to the average person anymore.
Think of Neo from the Matrix who takes the Red pill, and you'll understand. There is no going back to living a normal life in ignorance when one discovers the Truth.
With love and respect,
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Originally Posted by Needabreak
Well that's great. What is it then that you are looking for from us?
I guess I'm wondering if I should feel guilty walking away from my AGF, who truly does deserve love and sympathy?
Part of me thinks that I should stick out the relationship and deal with both the good and the bad for spiritual reasons. She really does make me feel good when she is sober! But then I fall out of love again when she drinks...it's a never-ending roller coaster.
With love and respect,
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Originally Posted by Robin777
I have been applying for jobs for over a year without success. I'm continuing to do so with perseverance. In the meantime, I'm also writing a book, meditating, and doing my best to be happy.
I am friendless because I have purposely isolated myself from society. Part of it has to do with anxiety after having a mental breakdown a couple years ago, and making a career mistake that I highly regret. The mental breakdown came from learning about conspiracies that are plaguing this planet, which is why it is difficult for me to relate to people nowadays (I do not wish to comment anymore about this). I just cannot relate to the average person anymore.
Think of Neo from the Matrix who takes the Red pill, and you'll understand. There is no going back to living a normal life in ignorance when one discovers the Truth.
With love and respect,
I am friendless because I have purposely isolated myself from society. Part of it has to do with anxiety after having a mental breakdown a couple years ago, and making a career mistake that I highly regret. The mental breakdown came from learning about conspiracies that are plaguing this planet, which is why it is difficult for me to relate to people nowadays (I do not wish to comment anymore about this). I just cannot relate to the average person anymore.
Think of Neo from the Matrix who takes the Red pill, and you'll understand. There is no going back to living a normal life in ignorance when one discovers the Truth.
With love and respect,
I really do recommend that you see a doctor or therapist and be sure to mention how you feel about humanity and conspiracies. Living in fear of people is certainly no way to live.
That is good that you are submitting applications for jobs. What is your field of work? I have read that submitting 20 resume's a day is the best way to increase the likelihood of landing a job. One of the best workbooks I have read on building a resume and getting a job is "48 Days to the Work You Love" by Dan Miller. I highly recommend the workbook even more than the book.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by Robin777
Part of me thinks that I should stick out the relationship and deal with both the good and the bad for spiritual reasons. She really does make me feel good when she is sober! But then I fall out of love again when she drinks...it's a never-ending roller coaster.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: The Shire, Middle-earth
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Originally Posted by whowho
With concern and respect I would caution against putting too much stock in conspiracy theories and sites like abovetopsecret.com. Such things do not lead to happiness and fulfillment, as you have already discovered.
I really do recommend that you see a doctor or therapist and be sure to mention how you feel about humanity and conspiracies. Living in fear of people is certainly no way to live.
That is good that you are submitting applications for jobs. What is your field of work? I have read that submitting 20 resume's a day is the best way to increase the likelihood of landing a job. One of the best workbooks I have read on building a resume and getting a job is "48 Days to the Work You Love" by Dan Miller. I highly recommend the workbook even more than the book.
I really do recommend that you see a doctor or therapist and be sure to mention how you feel about humanity and conspiracies. Living in fear of people is certainly no way to live.
That is good that you are submitting applications for jobs. What is your field of work? I have read that submitting 20 resume's a day is the best way to increase the likelihood of landing a job. One of the best workbooks I have read on building a resume and getting a job is "48 Days to the Work You Love" by Dan Miller. I highly recommend the workbook even more than the book.
For clarification, I do not fear people. I just prefer not to be in the company of people. I know it is an issue not being able to interact with people. I respect and appreciate every person...it is just very difficult for me to relate to people nowadays.
I can't see a therapist and talk about conspiracies, because they will label me as mentally insane. This makes things very unfortunate for me, because it further isolates me and causes me feeling unsatisfied in talking with people. I don't wish to talk about conspiracies here, but I follow the Truth with heavy discernment through logic and intuition (and you'd be surprised what is actually true. )
Really, I'm just feeling guilty for not being able to put up with my AGF's alcoholism. I almost feel like I owe it to her to give her the Love she has always deserved her whole life, you know? But I agree that she needs to work on loving herself first...
With love and respect,
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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My schizophrenic mother has the same fears of talking to a therapist about "the truth." She calls it Gameplaying, with a capital g. Therapists don't label people as being mentally ill. They diagnose mental illness and work with patients to treat it.
If this is a real thread and not just trolling, I would suggest you start with therapy and move from there.
If this is a real thread and not just trolling, I would suggest you start with therapy and move from there.
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