I've asked him to move out
 

He responded with his typical "you can't make it on your own" schtick, and said he doesn't want to be married to me either anymore. We both stayed fairly calm during the 40 minute conversation. But he did show flashes of nastiness and got very insulting at times.

He spent an hour glued to his phone after that. Hopefully looking for a place. But I'm looking for a place, too.

I admit I am scared to death. Although he has never been physically abusive, I also know this is the time when things are the most dangerous.

How are you holding up? Keep that cell phone with you at all times. Hopefully by this time he found a place to go and left for the night.

Thinking of you

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

Wisconsin, please update us as soon as you get a chance. I'm so hoping you're safe and he's out...

Sending lots of prayers & strength your way. Hopefully it was an uneventful evening & he found a place to stay. (((((Hugs))))))

Thanks everyone. I'm ok. He did not leave last night. We are supposed to get some bad storms today, which means he will get rained out at work. Hopefully he will use that time to find a place. But I'm not holding my breath so I am hoping to find a place today for myself and the kids.

I hope everything is okay...went through something similar over the weekend...please update when you can...hugs...

I'm glad it is on the table and you are getting out.

Be careful and keep us posted--hugs from me too--

Sending you strength and peace!!!

How's is going today Wisconsin?

Wisconsin, it will be so much better when you don't have to be with him. You are such a good person who deserves so much more. Stay safe and keep moving forward! Keep us updated!

XXX

Thanks everyone...the support and affirmation means more to me than you could ever know.

He's still here. *sigh* I don't know why the crazy surprises me anymore, but sometimes it still does. He called me yesterday morning, acting as if everything was totally fine. Then last night when I got home from work he was a huge jerk. At this point, I have two choices: file for divorce with a no-harassment restraining order, which would force him to move out; or file for divorce without the no-harassment restraining order and find my own place. Both present their own set of complications for me, so I'm taking a couple of days to think them through.

Good for you for taking the time to be calm and rational, especially when he's being infuriating! :)

L

((Wisconsin))

I admire your strength, courage and calmness - acting on rational thinking is a very wise thing to do for YOU & those precious kiddos!

Adding my prayers & good thoughts for a peaceful resolution for your home soon.

BIG PINK HUGS!

I've "talked" (and by "talked," I mean emailed) about the details of the conundrum with someone whose opinion I value most highly, and she reacted the same way I am...that the better option is for me to move out. It may mean I have to stick around a little longer than I was hoping (it could take several weeks to find a place), but overall I think the benefits outweigh the downside.

I am kicking my apartment search into high gear. I have some barriers (terrible credit, need a place that will take my dog, has to fit in my budget), but I am determined.

Good luck Wisconsin - I feel your pain there. Rentals here are HELL!

Hoping the best for a speedy, perfect place for you and your dog! Give it to HP!

Big hugs, Wisconsin. It may indeed be less of a hassle to move out than to get him to move out.

You know my story: I moved with the kids to a marginal neighborhood with gang problems and violence because it was what I could afford. What I did find, however, was that people like us -- normal working stiffs with no gang affiliation -- were sort of taken care of by the local hoodlums. They made sure to warn us when something was going down; they kept their issues out of their own hood and I actually felt a greater sense of community there than I did in the fancy suburban hell where I left AXH. ;) Just for encouragement!

One avenue that might be something to look into is Catholic Social Services. My (slum)landlord saw his owning of this cruddy old apartment building as his Christian works, so most tenants were referred by Catholic Social Services -- they guaranteed the first X months of rent, and then lowered their part of the rent payment over time until the tenant could stand on their own feet. Even if you don't need the rent support, CSS might be able to refer you to landlords that fill the bill for what you're looking for?

Sending lots of love and prayers to you for safety and wisdom and of course a great apartment. :)