Liveitwell

For me, my peace is something so invigorating it's ridiculous. I don't have to worry about what happened in his life that set him into a tailspin and major binge at any moment. I don't have to worry about whether he's already drunk when I get home or whether he will be drunk and disgusting when getting into bed. I don't worry whether my kids will get hurt bc of him being drunk. Peace is knowing I had absolutely nothing to do with his drinking-and knowing he's still drinking a lot and lying about everything...I just don't care anymore-it's no longer my life. Peace is all of this and then some. For those of you that have left your addicted partner, what does peace mean to you???

Thought it would be good to share for those maybe on the fence to share that life on the other side can be oh so peaceful, despite the hardships we sometimes encounter when leaving addicts/narcissists.

Cheers!

ladyscribbler

No more walking on eggshells. No more monthly dread of him getting paid and going on his inevitable bender. No more happy occasions tarnished by drunken abuse. No more stressful and trying situations made worse by drunken abuse.
Winter before last, a couple of months after I left my ex, the boys each had a lovely case of head lice. I was in the basement, rubbing vermicide into their scalps and nit-combing their hair, and the whole time I was thinking, "At least X isn't here adding a bunch of drunken melodrama to this already awful situation."
Head lice was the kind of thing that would have sent him ballistic, even though I would have been the one paying for and administering the treatment, de-lousing the house and basically taking on the entire burden. All I would have heard about was how bad it was for HIM.
Even head lice is better without a drunk around.

Katchie

No more investigating. No more dread, anxiety, physical/emotional pain, gritting teeth, and always feeling so damn tired even if I was lucky to get 8 hours...I would get 8 hours and immediately feel the need to go back to bed after waking. I got to the point I felt I was slowly physically dying under those conditions. I don't feel this way anymore and I can actually talk to him and feel fine because he isn't my problem -- I am not his "better" half any longer and therefore feel no responsibility for his drinking and driving and wasteful spending. I no longer endure verbal and sometimes physical abuse. I am no longer shamed in front of family and friends because he cracks sexual jokes about me and our marriage. I was not valued by my husband and I began to not value myself too.

So, what does this peace mean to me? THE WORLD!!!!

guava

Thank you Forourgirls for making me think about the positive changes in my life! (Living apart mostly since January 2014 - Divorce final February 2015)

1. Peace is sleeping through the night.
2. Peace is not worrying XAH is going to wake up our son with his yelling at 3am.
3. Peace is not worrying that XAH is going to accidently break something, hurt himself or burn the house down.
4. Peace is being able to look my neighbors in the eye knowing they didn't overhear XAH's drunken rants the night before.
5. Peace is knowing I'm no longer on the hook for XAH's financial problems.
6. Peace is not hiding/pretending to be asleep to avoid confrontation or name calling.
7. Peace is knowing our son is not going to grow up in an alcoholic home.

Liveitwell

Guava...yes!!! I can relate to most of those. Peace is priceless!

Liveitwell

Katchie-yes! Happy for you, btw, abd happy to see you on the board again. I learned a lot from your journey. Thanks

SeriousKarma

Peace is not knowing where he is right now. Not knowing if he's drunk or sober. And being perfectly ok with that.

lizatola

Peace is just knowing the actual meaning of the word 'peace'!

daydreamer0217

Like others said for me peace is sleeping through the night. Peace is not having to check the hospitals or jail. Peace is not feeling like i am drowning and i can not breathe. Peace is being able to talk about it openly and not living in a world of secrets. Scared people would judge me.

LeeJane

Lovely posts. Thanks everyone.

When my drunk father left home when I was 12, the whole atmosphere in the house changed. Lightened.

Liveitwell

Lady-I just re read your post and was laughing out loud...sad that I know what you mean about head lice being better without a drunk around! Lord help me if I actually had a bad day or if the kids were acting up or needing attention-all more excuses for him to get drunk. Don't. Miss. At. All.

Kboys

Thanks for this thread
I really want to know this peace you all have.
I hope to join you on "the other side of the fence" soon.

I don't want to walk on eggshells anymore. I want to stomp the damn eggs and not worry about it.

amy55

Peace is knowing I can sleep in my bed and not hide out in the garage and sleep in my car.

theuncertainty

Peace is:

Sleeping through the night (without waking up in a panic part-way through).
DS playing like a wild thing (and not worrying about bothering a drunk or hung-over AXH).
Having my friends and DS's friends over.
DS's goofy, mischievous personality just radiating.
Our home filled with light, laughter and music.

ajarlson

All of the above!

MsGrace

Peace is focusing on my own growth and happiness
Peace is a quiet, chaos free home
Peace is taking care of myself
Peace is wishing him well, and not dealing with any of his nonsense
Peace is freedom from constant crisis management
Peace is freedom from worry about the next catastrophe
Peace is solitude, and good food, and sleeping through the night and just living in my life.....for me.

Cleo1234

-Peace is not having to hide my money and bank card.
-Peace is not having to worry if he will come back drunk after he spends a day running errands.
-Peace is not having my 12 year old son witness my xabf yell at me.
- Peace is knowing i won't have to financially take care of a grown man because he can't keep a job for longer than 5 months!

barelybreathing

Absolutely! For the first time in a very long time I feel peace. It has taken me what seems like forever, but it is amazing to not care what he is doing/where he is at!

Thank you for this thread!!

tigerlily1

Thanks so much for this thread! Peace is what I dream of. Knowing so many of you were able to achieve it gives me hope. I also hope to someday be on the other side living in peace!

healthyagain

Peace means that I know exactly what to expect at home: and that is more peace. There are no more mood swings, fights, criticism, nagging, sleepless nights, cussing, insults, angry looks, jelaousy. I eat when I want, what I want, wash the dishes how I want. I have my routine, and I have so much free time. I started enjoying life again, pampering myself, and it feels great!

And thanks for this topic. I always need a little reminder how it used to be, just in case I forget.