trying to be prepared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 18
trying to be prepared
I think I already know the answer to this, but just looking for some support and "back-up".
In a few days, my 2 daughters and I will be traveling to visit my now XAH in another state. We haven't seen him in over a year. The last visit when he came to see us, he relapsed and it was a huge disaster. He's been living and working in another state. He claims he is sober and working his program, but I have no way of knowing if that's really true.
We're meeting up in semi-neutral territory, at his brother's home, and other relatives from his side will be there. He recently announced that he will be bringing his new girlfriend (who he met in AA). That was a difficult one to explain to my girls, and they were/are a bit hurt over it.
I plan to try my HARDEST to be polite, gracious, etc. during the visit for the sake of my girls. My only goal here is to let them have a nice visit with their dad. How I feel towards him is not the issue, nor is it up for discussion. I'm thinking that if he wants to "talk" with me, I'll just deflect and keep the focus on having a nice time with the girls.
Where I get nervous is - what if he's not sober? What if I suspect he's drinking and hiding it again? Do we leave? Do we continue to visit and I just have to be present at all the events? I had wanted to be able to drop off my girls to spend the time with all the relatives, but in our last phone conversation he just seemed off - actually he seemed drunk - and ever since, the thought of making these visits "drop off" scares me to death.
We will all be together for 4 days. My girls and I have our own vacation cottage we're staying at. So nervous!
In a few days, my 2 daughters and I will be traveling to visit my now XAH in another state. We haven't seen him in over a year. The last visit when he came to see us, he relapsed and it was a huge disaster. He's been living and working in another state. He claims he is sober and working his program, but I have no way of knowing if that's really true.
We're meeting up in semi-neutral territory, at his brother's home, and other relatives from his side will be there. He recently announced that he will be bringing his new girlfriend (who he met in AA). That was a difficult one to explain to my girls, and they were/are a bit hurt over it.
I plan to try my HARDEST to be polite, gracious, etc. during the visit for the sake of my girls. My only goal here is to let them have a nice visit with their dad. How I feel towards him is not the issue, nor is it up for discussion. I'm thinking that if he wants to "talk" with me, I'll just deflect and keep the focus on having a nice time with the girls.
Where I get nervous is - what if he's not sober? What if I suspect he's drinking and hiding it again? Do we leave? Do we continue to visit and I just have to be present at all the events? I had wanted to be able to drop off my girls to spend the time with all the relatives, but in our last phone conversation he just seemed off - actually he seemed drunk - and ever since, the thought of making these visits "drop off" scares me to death.
We will all be together for 4 days. My girls and I have our own vacation cottage we're staying at. So nervous!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
I just wanted to say that I think your attitude towards the whole situation and the way your are putting your children first is admirable. You seems to have a really level head about the whole thing.
As for if he drinks, if it were me, i would probably remove yourself and your girls from the situation as they are probably not going to be having a nice time/rebuilding their relationship with him if he is under the influence. I don't think the two go hand in hand.
As for if he drinks, if it were me, i would probably remove yourself and your girls from the situation as they are probably not going to be having a nice time/rebuilding their relationship with him if he is under the influence. I don't think the two go hand in hand.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i'm not sure i'd be planning to do any "drop and goes" at this point. your ex may be drinking, and many of his family members may be drinking.....family gatherings can be like that.....ANY family.
so you show up maybe a smidge late, you do the polite thing, you assess the situation and then you decide what is the safest and best course of action. if your ex is off his face then you LEAVE. why? because the entire purpose of the trip is for your GIRLS to spend time with their FATHER. and if he can't keep his sh!t together, well then he doesn't get to be with his precious irreplaceable daughters.
you'd THINK a dad getting to see his children for the first time in a year would be over the moon excited! maybe sport for a haircut, some new cool dad duds, plan outings, make sure there are lots of kid things around, and hang balloons. right?
you have your own vacation cottage....and it is there for a reason!
so you show up maybe a smidge late, you do the polite thing, you assess the situation and then you decide what is the safest and best course of action. if your ex is off his face then you LEAVE. why? because the entire purpose of the trip is for your GIRLS to spend time with their FATHER. and if he can't keep his sh!t together, well then he doesn't get to be with his precious irreplaceable daughters.
you'd THINK a dad getting to see his children for the first time in a year would be over the moon excited! maybe sport for a haircut, some new cool dad duds, plan outings, make sure there are lots of kid things around, and hang balloons. right?
you have your own vacation cottage....and it is there for a reason!
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