The Language of Letting Go, June 5
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The Language of Letting Go, June 5
June 5
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Combating Shame
Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.
-- Beyond Codependency
Watch out for shame.
Many systems and people reek of shame. They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them. They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.
We don't have to fall into their shame. Instead, we'll take the good feelings - self-acceptance, love, and nurturing.
Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors. If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed. It's inevitable. We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.
Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed "original shame" upon us, may try to put shame on us. This can happen when we're all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life. Don't think . . . Don't feel . . . Don't grow or change . . .Don't be alive . . . Don't live life . . . Be ashamed!
Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.
Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world. If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, and then be done with it as quickly as possible. Higher Power, help me know that it's okay to love myself and help me to refuse to submit to shame. If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
image hosting 5mb
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Combating Shame
Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.
-- Beyond Codependency
Watch out for shame.
Many systems and people reek of shame. They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them. They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.
We don't have to fall into their shame. Instead, we'll take the good feelings - self-acceptance, love, and nurturing.
Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors. If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed. It's inevitable. We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.
Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed "original shame" upon us, may try to put shame on us. This can happen when we're all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life. Don't think . . . Don't feel . . . Don't grow or change . . .Don't be alive . . . Don't live life . . . Be ashamed!
Be done with shame. Attack shame. Go to war with it. Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.
Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world. If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, and then be done with it as quickly as possible. Higher Power, help me know that it's okay to love myself and help me to refuse to submit to shame. If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
image hosting 5mb
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Posts: 11,481
I'm just beginning to understand the role of shame in a lot of my behaviors--there's a lot more involved than I imagined. This was a good post for me too.
And yes, the picture is so random and silly--I bumbled across it and thought "yep, I HAVE to post this one on SR!"
And yes, the picture is so random and silly--I bumbled across it and thought "yep, I HAVE to post this one on SR!"
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Above all, I have to tell myself that people who try to place shame on me are only acting in the way they were treated. I have to continually pray for them to find peace.
It's a shame-filled world, for sure. It is a form of control based in fear. The worst fear - self-loathing.
It's a shame-filled world, for sure. It is a form of control based in fear. The worst fear - self-loathing.
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It's funny, because I was raised in a very liberal protestant denomination, and religious guilt/shame never really played a role in my upbringing. Now my mother was a queen codie, and trotted out family guilt a lot, but I wasn't raised to feel a lot of shame. We were liberal and open.
And ironically, that is part of the shame I feel now...shame in the fact that I let this abusive relationship continue for so long despite my upbringing. Shame in how I feel my mom would be so disappointed in me if she were still alive. And then there is all the shame I've developed from being in an abusive relationship for so long. Shame at my physical appearance. Shame every time I make a parenting mistake. So many layers of shame!
And ironically, that is part of the shame I feel now...shame in the fact that I let this abusive relationship continue for so long despite my upbringing. Shame in how I feel my mom would be so disappointed in me if she were still alive. And then there is all the shame I've developed from being in an abusive relationship for so long. Shame at my physical appearance. Shame every time I make a parenting mistake. So many layers of shame!
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