Wisconsin

Hi all,

I haven't been around much in the past couple of weeks. I miss y'all!

We had a humongous blowup last Saturday that ended when my AH left for a motel in the middle of the afternoon. I don't need to pen the gory details--same crap, different day. No physical abuse, lots of emotional abuse, all in front of our 5-year old son. It took our son a couple of hours after AH left to calm down. We had a quiet evening together, and didn't hear a peep from AH, which was fine by me. AH called on Sunday morning to say he would be home soon. He was his usual passive aggressive self Sunday, and I just worked so darn hard to stay focused on ME. I reached out to a couple of friends who offered me some much-needed emotional support. One such wonderful friend called the police, who came to my house to check on me about an hour after AH left on Saturday. They assured me that because AH now has a history of leaving the marital residence and leaving our son in my custody, that next time I am 100% within my rights to leave the house WITH our son (I had an issue in my first marriage where, absent a physical violence type restraining order, a judge would have ordered me to return my children to the marital residence). For some reason, that felt like the last thing I needed to hear from someone. I'm ready to go.

On my way to work on Monday, my brake line broke. Seriously...can't make this stuff up. I had enough brake power left to get home, and I stewed about whether I should tell AH. The local repair shop advised me it could be a $300-$1200 repair, and AH can do those kinds of repairs in his sleep for a fraction of the cost. Ultimately I told him. He was surprisingly gallant about it (shocker--that's how he gets when I "need" him. And then he throws it back in my face for years afterwards.)

I spent Monday at home filling out divorce paperwork and an affidavit for a temporary "no-harassment" restraining order that will prevent AH from returning to our home once I file. I have a divorce lawyer friend who has kindly answered some of my more pressing questions via email, and we are supposed to get together today or tomorrow to talk through a few things. But of course, I've had to make nice with AH during all of the car repair drama. Bottom line is that the brake lines are replaced, for $200. I am choosing to see it as a blessing that it happened before I file--it would have been a financial disaster for it to happen after I left and was no longer able to rely on AH or his auto repair shop connections to assist for only the cost of parts.

I've long since removed key items of paperwork from our home (birth certificates, social security cards, critical financial stuff). I've also been purging some of our crap, in anticipation of a move to a small 2-bedroom apartment with the kids. I've donated a bunch of stuff to Goodwill, and taken a trip to the local "self deposit station" with about 8 big bags of trash. I'm looking after myself as best as I can--making time for sewing, which calms me.

The end is near. I need to save up the divorce filing fee and get some final feedback from my friend, but I am finally in place emotionally and practically where the very moment I am over the edge, I am gone.

Ileana

I wish I lived near Wisconsin, I would drive over to your house and give you a Huge hug! You are one smart & capable woman. Good luck to you.

Sungrl

Excellent planning and keeping it together. It will be worth it in the end when you and children have a peaceful home. Keep your eye on the prize.

Refiner

Wow, you're doing really good Wisconsin! Keep up the good work, you're coming into the home stretch! :-)

Wisconsin

Man, it has been a loooooong road. It really has. I did a lot of introspection on Monday while I was home alone filling out that divorce paperwork. Still so much to examine about why it has taken me this long, but right now I'm focused on the fact that I'm ready. I'm finally ready.

Refiner

It took as long as it needed to. It sounds like you truly ARE ready. Congrats!

Florence

<3

honeypig

These parts are particularly great, Wisconsin! I'm so glad the cop visit turned out to be a positive thing--so it sounds like that provided some documentation that will help your cause, right? And it's beyond great that once you file, you can keep AH out of the house. Avoiding that stress should save you about 4000 gray hairs and 7 or 8 years of your life!

I think I remember your original "escape plan" was for late winter of 2014, when some financial pieces were hopefully going to fall into place, but then one thing and another happened to either prevent making the break or to make it seem less urgent (AH working out of town so he wasn't around much). You're there at last, and I'm so happy for you and your family!

FireSprite

You are doing amazingly through all of this! Sending you lots of strengths & prayers!!!

hopeful4

Hang in there, your in the home run. Many hugs to you!

firebolt

You sound amazing - (((tight hugs))) and a beautiful future ahead!

Wisconsin

Staying in this rental house presents its own set of financial hurdles, and there's no way I'll be able to stay long-term. I will definitely have to move. But it would be a lot less stressful if I don't have to find a place in, say, 3 days.

Many of the financial issues that have been standing in the way for the past 6-9 months are still present. I guess I am just increasingly willing to trust that my higher power will help me see the right path, and know when and how to accept help, and when and how I can make it happen on my own.