The Language of Letting Go, June 3
 

June 3

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Charity

We need healthy boundaries about receiving money and we need healthy boundaries about giving money. Some of us give money for inappropriate reasons.

We may be ashamed because we have money and don't believe we deserve it. We may belong to an organization that uses shame as a form of control to coerce us out of our money that the organization wants.

We can get hooked into giving money to our children, family members, or friends because we have earned or unearned guilt. We allow ourselves to be financially blackmailed, sometimes by the people we love. This is not money freely given or given in health.

Some of us give money out of a sense of caretaking. We may have exaggerated feelings of responsibility for others, including financial responsibility.

We may be giving simply because we have not learned to own our power to say no when the answer is no.

Some of us give because we hope or believe people will love us if we take care of them financially.

We do not have to give money to anyone. Giving money is our choice. We do not have to allow ourselves to be victimized, manipulated, or coerced out of our money. We are financially responsible for ourselves. Part of being healthy is allowing those around us to be financially responsible for themselves.

We do not have to be ashamed about having the money that we earn; we deserve to have it, whatever the amount, without feeling obligated to give it all away or guilty because others want what we have.

Charity is a blessing. Giving is part of healthy living. We can learn to develop healthy boundaries around giving.

Today, I will strive to begin developing healthy boundaries about giving money. I understand that giving is my choice.

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Yep. I just told someone no the other day. I actually didn't feel bad about it. That's a big step for me.

I used to send a few bucks to every charity that asked too. I've since learned to carefully check to see how much of my donation actually benefits the cause and how much goes to "administrative costs." I'm also leery of charity events like races, mud runs, etc., since in an awful lot of cases, I'd get a lot more "bang for my buck" if I just wrote the cause a check instead of paying an inflated fee for an event.

My favorite way to give now is to do something directly. I work for a bakery and every day I take the day-old items to the local rescue mission. I don't have to wonder if my efforts are making a difference; I'm pretty darn sure they are!

This is a good topic, and I think a lot of people have become a lot smarter about their giving in recent years, thanks to the ease of researching the various causes via the internet.