Technology is a wonderful thing....
 

As we hear so often in the programs: "more will be revealed."

My separated mate told me the middle of April that he will be putting the house on the market because he can't afford to keep it. I talked him out of it, offering to cough up more money for all these debts we have supposedly accumulated when we were together.

Now I see on Facebook (he doesn't know I can see his posts), he is going to Zion, Bryce Canyon and Lake Powell this summer, and is trying to figure out how to transport two kayaks in his RV. Last summer he went to Oklahoma.

I am getting pi**ed off. Thanks for reading! :thanks

In my opinion, you should be learning about codependency and working on your own healing and not looking at your ex mates Facebook. It obviously upset you. And as you say he doesn't know you can see it...maybe he does and that was for your benefit. But I doubt it. All it is going to do for you to "check up on him" through social media or any other way, is going to hurt you. Move on with your life. Heal yourself and forget about what he is or isn't doing. It no longer concerns you.

Thanks, searching. I do okay most of the time. This latest revelation sort of set me back a little this evening. Of course, I have to fight the urge to DO something. One very viable option (and probably the best) is to do NOTHING. Live and let live has not come easy to me.

That is where learning about codependency may help you. Also there is that saying that living well is the best revenge. So why don't you try to concentrate on yourself, and your healing. The last thing you need to do is something you will regret or something that will put an unfavorable light on you. Just let his higher power be the one to teach the lesson this time.

Eauchiche.......I confess that I am a bit in the dark here. Should I assume that you do not have your name on the the house?

I know that we do get very emotionally attached to the places that we called "home".....especially, if we put a lot of sweat and energy into a place.

Are you still having hope for the resurrection of the relationship.....?
If so.....I know that is a hard place to be in,.....

dandylion

Why, exactly, are you following his adventures on FB? I know of NO ONE who has ever had a good experience as a result of keeping tabs on an ex that way. It is likely to result only in anger, resentment, sadness, or other negative emotions in YOU.

You can block him. I think it would do a lot for you in terms of getting on with your life.

Yes, I am starting to see that....

I quit my facebook. I dont want to hear or see his life anymore. It was too much for me

Thank you all for your posts.
A forum such as this has its limitations. No one here knows me or many details about my life, or where I am in my process of recovery.
I also notice that some of the stuff that is said here is clearly advice, and would never fly at an AlAnon meeting.
I was caught in a weak moment last evening, and was just reaching out for support here. To be honest, I have been disappointed this time.

Well, Al-Anon is a different animal than SR. Generally, people posting here are looking for feedback, which would be considered cross-talk in an Al-Anon meeting.

Were you to bring this up with an Al-Anon member, outside the context of the meeting, you might hear similar suggestions--that you keep the focus on you and not on him. I didn't see anything heavy-handed in any of the posts, just suggestions of the kinds of things that have worked for us.

imo secretively checking up on people (past relationships, strangers, even friends)

in any format is kinda stalkish. You are not in a relationship and they can do as they please.

If it's finances you are concerned with quit giving money to their debts and keeping ties.

I’m sorry you feel disappointed after posting about your experience of viewing his FB page.

No, I don’t know where you are at with your own recovery or any details of your life.

I can only reply to this post regarding your feeling “pi@@ed off about what you saw on his FB page.

It sounds like you feel hurt that he seems to be moving on and making future vacation plans that probably do not include you and I am sorry you are hurting.

I think what most here were trying to express is that you wouldn’t be feeling this depth of hurt had you not viewed his FB page.

When we are not ready to let go of someone and are holding onto “hope” that they will come back to us, we bargain – we offer to pay for things that maybe is not our responsibility. We go into people pleasing mode thinking that if we jump through the hoop just one more time things we work out.

You probably do not have any contact with him and that is why you feel the need to spy on him via FB to see what’s going on his life. You say that you are separated you don’t’ use the term broken up which leads me to believe you are not letting go of this relationship where he may have.

Atalose,
Bless you 100,000 times. You absolutely hit the nail on the head. I came to a truth this morning during meditation: that I am powerless over moving on with my life.
Since realizing this, I am going to take active steps to find support in this regard.
As for my ex, as an active alcoholic, he has no problem using me or anyone else to maintain his addiction. Once again, he has been instrumental in my recovery, propelling me to step one again and again.
Thanks again!

So much wisdom alatose!!! I am going to use what you said for my situation also! Thank you for sharing!

Ugh... facebook is the worst. I'm sorry you had to see all that. I can only imagine how that would make me feel....
I'm having a problem lately with viewing someone's page on FB, that I really shouldn't be... because it's upsetting to me.... so I block that person... but then unblock when I'm having a weak moment. AHHH!

I hope you're feeling better today.

It was the "two kayaks" that pushed me over the edge, making me wonder who the other kayak is for. Then I had a bad dream about him last night. Feeling pretty beat up today....

Is there a friend you could call and go do something to take your mind off of this? Are there plans you could make for yourself? I think having something to look forward to seems to help.

Dear SR friends
I just wanted to apologize publicly for being in attack mode this morning. This was pointed out to me by one of the good members here, who was hurt by one of my responses.

I am afraid the past 18 hours or so have been my version of a "bender." I don't remember getting this crazy for a very long time.

Please accept my apologies and thanks for all your support.

Dude, we all get a little bit crazy and defensive occasionally. Consider it forgotten.

Eau, at least you've had an insight into his financial affairs i.e. he's spending money on himself, not the house. So that frees you from any urge to help him financially.

Getting out of his life emotionally and financially will be so liberating.