Gracey

I know that i am co-dependent.........but he has Alcohol on top of being co-dependent too......(does that make sense) I do I think he is co-dependent too......he tells me in front of our counselor that atleast he can identify and admit to his problem which is drinking......I cant admit to mine..........

ASpouse

HUH? So what? and the counselor falls for this? If so, get a new counselor, quickly please.

Don't worry about what his problems are, worry about and fix yours, a little at a time. He is responsible for fixing himself, if he wants to. Only he is responsible, not you for himself.

cwohio

breec - can't admit to your what - that you are co-dependent? you just did - aspouse is right - concentrate on you!!

cwohio

ASpouse

By the way, my name is Judy .... I keep wondering who "ASpouse" is! :-))

Lorelai

Breec -
I think you'll find a lot of answers if you stop thinking about him and what he's doing and what he's saying. Take some time and think about you.

If you get him out of your head, they'll be a lot more room for you in there.
L

cwohio

hi judy - chris here - gee that seems so much better but i guess some people feel uncomfortable using their name!

thanks for setting me straight!

chris

ASpouse

Hi Chris! It's nice to "read" people smile and laugh. Helps not to take oneself so seriously sometimes.

cwohio

judy - amen - at least we know that we can have a laugh or two with others here - i am so glad i found this site and that i am able to access at work in between doing my normal job!

chris

cwohio

bree - sorry - didn't mean to take over your thread or seem unconcerned about you!

chris

Gracey

oh, you didnt..........I am so thankful to be able to vent.......I thought I was really trying to work on me......what are some tips that anyone can give me to not think about what he does and to get the focus back on me......I was I thought doing so good for awhile........

Cadence57

Breec,
You really need to step back and look at your situation and how it is affecting your children.
"Child Alienation Syndrome" is actually called "Parental Alienation Syndrome" -- or PAS. It tends to be tool used by the Fathers' Rights folks in order to remove a child (or children) from the mother's custody. It isn't actually a classified syndrome (it's not recognized by the Psychiatric community as an actual syndrome) but it does exist. It's when one parent (or grand parent or aunt or...) either overtly or covertly tries to alienate a child from his/her natrural parent(s). This is done by saying things about the parent in front of the child, openly disrespecting the parent in front of the child, saying things like "don't listen to her, she's stupid and doesn't understand you like I do"
Eventually the child comes to believe that one parent is the good parent and the other one is the bad parent.
A lot of the damage can be controlled by you taking a firm stand and being lovingly consistent. Another thing you need to do is demand respect from your spouse and his meddling mother. If your children see you take a stand, they will respect you for it.

Marti

Lorelai

Breec -
You are doing good. It all takes time. My mind was so filled up with obsessing about all the horrible things my H was doing. That was a diversion to keep my mind off of the real issue.

I think that we've established that he's acting like an a$$. He may act like an a$$ for the rest of his life.

The issue is - what about you? Forget about what he's doing. He's going to do it as long as is going to do it.

You can decide to get the focus back on you. You can do it. I had a hard time with it because I didn't have any idea who I was. I had spent my life being what I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

You are powerless over your H and MIL. You can not make them be happy.
L

dax

It might be a good idea to make a list of your husband's good and bad qualities. I will be frank on what I think. He is a cruel mean manipultive man - . He is a mental and physical danger to you and your children and your dog. Drinking , sober, or cheating my husband has always been kind to our children and my many pets. I have always had at least 3 dogs, many Siamese cats[I used to raise them] horses , chickens and turtles. He would never get a pet himself. But he knows I love them. The cats knock off everything in his computer room.. He has never been mean to them.. This is why I am still with my husbaND. He is a kind person. The stress in you housel has got to be terrible. Your children need counseling to learn to live in this toxic atomoshere. If you could get the courage to seperate, you will fine a peace you did not know was possible. I would never stay with a a man that hurt either my children or my pets. You need to seach your soul as to why you are staying. hugs dax

Cadence57

NEVER trust a man who doesn't like animals... NEVER.
People who don't like animals lack empathy and compassion....
NEVER trust ANYONE who doesn't like animals.

cwohio

bree - i know what you mean - you think you are doing well and then a "situation" comes up and sometimes it seems all the good stuff we are learning about and trying to practice go out the window. i don't have any tips as I am a new work in progress.

just want you to know i am thinking about you and hope you can do what you feel is right for you.

many hugs for you - cwohio

Gracey

Thank you everyone for being so kind........I am going to try to figure out a way to have someone pick up my daughter from drivers ed tonight so I can go to my meeting.....I really think I need to go to more then one a week.......that is going to be one of my goals this weekend.......

Lorelai

Good for you.

I'm in the middle of a pretty big storm right now myself. I have faith that I'll get through it and I have faith that you will too.

We all have you in our thoughts and prayers. I know that you will find your way as long as you keep trying.

Do something sweet for yourself today and so will I.
Big Hugs - L

cwohio

bree - sounds good - that's something i have been thinking about myself and may try next week! good luck!