LemonGirl

And I opened it. It wasn't that I had totally decided to go NC. I had just told him "I need some space...." and rather than allowing him to say sorry and plead and all that, I just shut down contact. For my own sanity.

But I opened the email. He is deployed. All the email said is that he just wanted to let me know that he is going into treatment while he is stationed where he is and that he missed me.

Now, it's not that he has broken my trust a thousand times with some quacking.... but I've had my fair share of relationships with men who swear they'll change but of course, never do. So upon hearing this, all I kept thinking was "We'll see...."

A part of me feels bad for not being more "supportive", but really? I think I'm changing. I keep thinking of what I thought I had found with him in the beginning of our relationship... and how now I feel exactly the way I have felt in other bad relationships. Before I met him I was already done with thinking I could change a man. I was done with thinking a man could change for me. I was done trying to hold on to something that makes me cry and hurt so much; relationships are supposed to be uplifting, not depressive. I was done trying to fix a relationship that was being destroyed by someone else; it isn't my responsibility to fix what someone else destroys...

I think I am changing. And, I'm no longer afraid that it may not work out between him and I. Because the truth is, is that I did NOT sign up for any of this. And yes, I still love him deeply. I may love him for a very long time... who knows. But that love and my own awakening are two different things.

Anyway.... I didn't really obsess over whether or not he is actually getting into treatment. I figure that when he comes back this fall, his actions then will tell me just how serious he is. I did email him back. Just 3 short lines that said I was really glad to hear that, that I missed him as well, and good luck.
In the meantime, I am still working out and lifting weights, and I have finally dropped 4 pounds... I have found about 3 options for more work... and just this weekend I decided to take my oldest daughter to meet her real grandmother which is a total healing experience for all 3 of us.... but that's another post! Lol It feels good to know I'm saving myself and doing it right for my daughters

Timetoheal12

I think it is good to remind this.

You are doing great!

lillamy

I'm glad you're saving yourself and glad his e-mail didn't throw you off course. If I had a penny for every time I've heard "I'm going to get help when X happens" from an alcoholic, I would be a filthy rich woman.

You're doing great focusing on you. And you can always set your e-mail account up so that his e-mail goes straight to the trash if you're serious about going NC.