I guess I need to head back to Al Anon
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Location: Central Florida
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This is a great thread! As long we are aware of our shortcomings, maybe we can do something about them.
I did a little experiment with myself several months ago. I was waiting to meet a friend at a bar and decided to make note of the men that I found attractive, and why.
1. Tallish man, average good looks, average build, sandy blond hair, wearing business casual clothing. Rating: 2 on the Attract-O-Meter
2. Average Height , athletic build, medium brown hair, wearing jeans and tshirt Rating: 4 on the Attract-O-Meter
3. Very tall, medium build, black hair, sloppily dressed in jeans and a wrinkled short sleeve button down shirt, couple of tatoos, silver rings and neck chain, and black finger nails. Rating: 14 on the Attract-O-Meter I nearly strained my neck doing a double take as I watched him take a seat next to a woman who looked like maybe a stripper.
So it seems that Hopeful likes bad boys, perhaps because they need to be fixed?
What the hell is wrong with me??
I did a little experiment with myself several months ago. I was waiting to meet a friend at a bar and decided to make note of the men that I found attractive, and why.
1. Tallish man, average good looks, average build, sandy blond hair, wearing business casual clothing. Rating: 2 on the Attract-O-Meter
2. Average Height , athletic build, medium brown hair, wearing jeans and tshirt Rating: 4 on the Attract-O-Meter
3. Very tall, medium build, black hair, sloppily dressed in jeans and a wrinkled short sleeve button down shirt, couple of tatoos, silver rings and neck chain, and black finger nails. Rating: 14 on the Attract-O-Meter I nearly strained my neck doing a double take as I watched him take a seat next to a woman who looked like maybe a stripper.
So it seems that Hopeful likes bad boys, perhaps because they need to be fixed?
What the hell is wrong with me??
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Okay, red.
To a meeting with you.
oh man, he's an Aussie - and he's had quite a career.
To a meeting with you.
oh man, he's an Aussie - and he's had quite a career.
Hopeful that 's too funny!
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HopefulinFLA, ha! Me too.
The guy I'm seeing now is none of those things. He's short, balding, no tattoos or piercings, responsible, dependable, healthy, health-focused, supportive, and he's been a really good influence on my life in so many ways. But I'll tell you what, the bad boys out there are still like catnip on me. I've never acted on it, not even one iota, but that urge and attraction is still there.
In all seriousness, sometimes I wonder if I'M not the emotionally unavailable one in this relationship.
In the meantime, I've added Bloodline to my Netflix queue.
The guy I'm seeing now is none of those things. He's short, balding, no tattoos or piercings, responsible, dependable, healthy, health-focused, supportive, and he's been a really good influence on my life in so many ways. But I'll tell you what, the bad boys out there are still like catnip on me. I've never acted on it, not even one iota, but that urge and attraction is still there.
In all seriousness, sometimes I wonder if I'M not the emotionally unavailable one in this relationship.
In the meantime, I've added Bloodline to my Netflix queue.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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We do like a project, don't we? 
I've spent a lot of years thinking about this and I think for me it's a few different things.
Nurturing. I'm female, so seems we're biologically wired to help others. Even worse in my case, I don't have kids, so I look for someone to fill that role - subconsciously. (Cats seem to do it for me these days.)
Collective consciousness: I'm sure it is biologically somehow beneficial to mate with the super-confident, virile male: and even if it's being done with smoke and mirrors I believe them anyway, because I want to believe the best about people. I'll bet their sperm count is higher. We are just "smart" to know that? Maybe? Lol.
Perfectionism. If I am yoked with someone who has a lot of problems, it makes me the better person.
Mom. It does in some ways come back to childhood. My mother had a bad boy second husband who was around when I was ages 9-15 - but he had money and it was exciting. So she modeled really unhealthy behavior and relationships. She also tried to mold me into her idea of perfect - so I learned that's how you show love.
I'm always right. I mean, right? I know what's best - for everyone. Ask me how well that actually works in real life. Not so much.
I really liked "Bloodline." It was uncomfortably reminiscent for me. I grew up in south Florida and spent a lot of time in the Keys. That's why I initially watched it. Sissy Spacek was textbook. I won't do any more spoilers,
I've spent a lot of years thinking about this and I think for me it's a few different things.
Nurturing. I'm female, so seems we're biologically wired to help others. Even worse in my case, I don't have kids, so I look for someone to fill that role - subconsciously. (Cats seem to do it for me these days.)
Collective consciousness: I'm sure it is biologically somehow beneficial to mate with the super-confident, virile male: and even if it's being done with smoke and mirrors I believe them anyway, because I want to believe the best about people. I'll bet their sperm count is higher. We are just "smart" to know that? Maybe? Lol.
Perfectionism. If I am yoked with someone who has a lot of problems, it makes me the better person.
Mom. It does in some ways come back to childhood. My mother had a bad boy second husband who was around when I was ages 9-15 - but he had money and it was exciting. So she modeled really unhealthy behavior and relationships. She also tried to mold me into her idea of perfect - so I learned that's how you show love.
I'm always right. I mean, right? I know what's best - for everyone. Ask me how well that actually works in real life. Not so much.
I really liked "Bloodline." It was uncomfortably reminiscent for me. I grew up in south Florida and spent a lot of time in the Keys. That's why I initially watched it. Sissy Spacek was textbook. I won't do any more spoilers,
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Great thread,
I'll have to check out the show but my first reaction is, "Um, no." Not my type. I'm much more attracted to personality & wit than looks for the most part, but I definitely have a "type" that I'm attracted to physically.
I WAS recently discovered drooling all over myself over the character, "Jax Teller" (played by Charlie Hunnam/Sons of Anarchy). OMGoodness.
I actually triggered like crazy watching that series - it brought back so many repressed memories of the motorcycle club that used my AF's bar as their clubhouse. (Yes, he had gone so far into his addictions that it made sense to him as an addict to quit his job & run his own bar instead. It also made a logical place to sell his cocaine, right? Ugh...)
Watching the show (although much more intense than my life experiences) helped me widen the lens of my perception a bit though too - raising questions I hadn't thought of & changing my opinions about some of the things that I do remember pretty clearly.
But Jax, yeah..... definitely a big resemblance there to many of my past boyfriends & RAH, for sure!
I'll have to check out the show but my first reaction is, "Um, no." Not my type. I'm much more attracted to personality & wit than looks for the most part, but I definitely have a "type" that I'm attracted to physically.
I WAS recently discovered drooling all over myself over the character, "Jax Teller" (played by Charlie Hunnam/Sons of Anarchy). OMGoodness.
I actually triggered like crazy watching that series - it brought back so many repressed memories of the motorcycle club that used my AF's bar as their clubhouse. (Yes, he had gone so far into his addictions that it made sense to him as an addict to quit his job & run his own bar instead. It also made a logical place to sell his cocaine, right? Ugh...)
Watching the show (although much more intense than my life experiences) helped me widen the lens of my perception a bit though too - raising questions I hadn't thought of & changing my opinions about some of the things that I do remember pretty clearly.
But Jax, yeah..... definitely a big resemblance there to many of my past boyfriends & RAH, for sure!
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I like tall. Skinny . Greying. Glasses. Nerdy . Lol. I really do. Lol. My ex hubby and my axbf look alike and they even have the same name. I on the other hand like tats. I have a few. I ride my own harley. But i am not a bad girl. Lol. Oh and i drooled over jax from sons also!!
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Firesprite - I totally agree on Jax. Yummy!
I just googled Charlie Hunnam and saw some very clean cut and clean shaven pics, and he's just not that attractive looking that way.
I guess I should change my screen name to HopelessinFLA.
I just googled Charlie Hunnam and saw some very clean cut and clean shaven pics, and he's just not that attractive looking that way.
I guess I should change my screen name to HopelessinFLA.
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Originally Posted by daydreamer0217
Charlie is a proper englishman. I thought the irishman was hot.
Jax just had that swagger, damn. Confidence. Control. As his character developed in the series & he was intellectual & witty & sensitive & had depth as well as a hot look, oh man.
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Fire, you had a type? I don't think it was the guy's looks in "Bloodline" I think it was his know-it-all manipulation that triggered me. Oh, *I* can figure this guy out.
The good brother is straight forward and you know what to expect. The bad brother is mysterious and has secrets. It feels familiar due to upbringing. Ain't no way in hello I'd have anything to do with him now, but he would have been in the running for at least a weeklong romp in my 20s. But, in all fairness, nearly every guy was in the running in my 20s. I didn't learn discretion until I got married and divorced. That was enough to put the brakes on my Ms. Fixit when it comes to romantic partners.
The good brother is straight forward and you know what to expect. The bad brother is mysterious and has secrets. It feels familiar due to upbringing. Ain't no way in hello I'd have anything to do with him now, but he would have been in the running for at least a weeklong romp in my 20s. But, in all fairness, nearly every guy was in the running in my 20s. I didn't learn discretion until I got married and divorced. That was enough to put the brakes on my Ms. Fixit when it comes to romantic partners.
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I am loving this thread, ladies. Honestly, my husband is a straight arrow as they come. I think I was his "fix it" job. LOL He and his sisters are all super achievers. (children of alcoholics) His sister told me once that they all partnered up with free spirits to loosen them up a bit.
I have noticed lately that I have been so caught up in the mom/wife/daughter/recovery thing that I realized I didn't even have a "type" anymore. I didn't even know what attracts me. So, lately I have been paying more attention. A divorcee friend who was my friend from college was showing my facebook pics of all of these guys she has dated and I thought to myself, "Wow, they all look so old." Then, I came to the realization that this was my dating pool/age. It's just that I married my college sweetheart and so I guess I still see myself as younger. HA! Anyway, I have started scoping guys out in grocery stores, etc. to see what my ideal is nowadays. I still haven't completely found it, but it sure is fun looking. Actor wise, Billy Crudup and Christian Bale completely turn me on.
I have noticed lately that I have been so caught up in the mom/wife/daughter/recovery thing that I realized I didn't even have a "type" anymore. I didn't even know what attracts me. So, lately I have been paying more attention. A divorcee friend who was my friend from college was showing my facebook pics of all of these guys she has dated and I thought to myself, "Wow, they all look so old." Then, I came to the realization that this was my dating pool/age. It's just that I married my college sweetheart and so I guess I still see myself as younger. HA! Anyway, I have started scoping guys out in grocery stores, etc. to see what my ideal is nowadays. I still haven't completely found it, but it sure is fun looking. Actor wise, Billy Crudup and Christian Bale completely turn me on.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Fire, you had a type? I don't think it was the guy's looks in "Bloodline" I think it was his know-it-all manipulation that triggered me. Oh, *I* can figure this guy out.
Yeah, I've always had a predictable "type" when it comes to straight physical attraction, but that person doesn't always have what it takes to keep me interested. I need a good balance of both in a relationship.
I blame SE Hinton's influence
(The Outsiders, Tex, Rumble Fish, That was Then, This is Now... I read them all when I was about 12, lots of Bad Boys with Hearts & Brains.) butting up against my emerging fascination with 80's metal hair-bands.... (Nikki Sixx, Rachel Bolan, the brooding thinker/songwriters) Outside of 2 exceptions, I've always dated musicians too. (& married one)This might be one area I didn't suffer as an ACoA - my "type" isn't modeled in any way around my AF physically or otherwise (but not so far different that I'm looking for the exact opposite either) & I'm NOT attracted to a fixer-upper at all.
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Ha! Love this thread. Thanks red.
My "type" looks wise has always been tall and broad, clean cut looking, with a little rugged mountain.
But lately I've found myself attracted to an acquaintance similar to what HopefulinFla described:
"3. Very tall, medium build, black hair, sloppily dressed in jeans and a wrinkled short sleeve button down shirt, couple of tatoos, silver rings and neck chain, and black finger nailsRating: 14 on the Attract-O-Meter "
not my "type" at all... not sure what that's about....
My "type" looks wise has always been tall and broad, clean cut looking, with a little rugged mountain.
But lately I've found myself attracted to an acquaintance similar to what HopefulinFla described:
"3. Very tall, medium build, black hair, sloppily dressed in jeans and a wrinkled short sleeve button down shirt, couple of tatoos, silver rings and neck chain, and black finger nailsRating: 14 on the Attract-O-Meter "
not my "type" at all... not sure what that's about....
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I have been wanting to put this confession somewhere safe for soooo long.
Anyone ever watch the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Charlie Day played by Charlie Kelly. It destroys a piece of my dignity to admit just how much I want him. Something about a hot mess is always going to be attractive to me.
Anyone ever watch the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Charlie Day played by Charlie Kelly. It destroys a piece of my dignity to admit just how much I want him. Something about a hot mess is always going to be attractive to me.
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