The Language of Letting Go, May 19
 

May 19

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Solving Problems

"Shame is the first feeling that strikes me whenever I, or someone I love, has a problem," said one recovering woman.

Many of us were raised with the belief that having a problem is something to be ashamed of.

This belief can do many damaging things to us. It can stop us from identifying our problems; it can make us feel alienated and inferior when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. Shame can block us from solving a problem and finding the gift from the problem.

Problems are a part of life. So are solutions. People have problems, but we, and our self-esteem, are separate from our problems.

I've yet to meet a person who didn't have problems to solve, but I've met many who felt shamed to talk about the problems they actually had solved!

We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we are - it's what we did.

It's okay to have problems. It's okay to talk about problems at appropriate times, and with safe people. It's okay to solve problems.

And we're okay, even when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. We don't have to forfeit our personal power or our self-esteem. We have solved exactly the problems we've needed to solve to become who we are.

Today, I will let go of my shame about problems.

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Thanks, Honeypig. Shame was a biggie for me.

Thank you Honeypig.... shame plagues me too, lots. Many things trigger it.

I wonder how to best erase the shame tapes?

hugs

I also feel shame about having problems. The message I have received over the years was that the only people who had problems were those who weren't smart enough or strong enough, those who were easy to fool, those who didn't have any sense. So clearly having a problem meant that I had failed in some way, or worse yet, that I myself was not good enough, in my very being...

I also wonder how to erase the shame tapes, chicory.

Someone here said something to me recently regarding failure and getting "slapped down" (figuratively) that really resonated w/me. She said that if a person is going to get involved in life, then sometimes she is going to fail or get a whack on the nose (again figuratively), but that this is nothing to be ashamed about. Instead, she should think of herself as a gnarly old fighting tomcat w/tattered ears and scars--some fights were won, some lost, but at least she was out there, engaging in the struggle!

I think maybe that thought could be applied here to at least some extent also.