Am I healing or is it denial?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 157
Am I healing or is it denial?
Hi all,
Its been a while since I posted. Three weeks ago I sent my XABF of 11 years a letter , short and sweet , appologizing for a few things I said when we last spoke , and telling him I wish for peace, happiness and forgiveness for us both. No response , WOW that thru me for a loop he has always responded to me in the past and likewise me to him. In fairness I specifically did not write anything that would require a response just two basic sentences. But of course in my mind I wanted some response. Maybe an apology from him ?? Crazy thinking , he never appologizes so why I would expect one now is dumb. Anyway , I cried for four days about it , now the last week and 1/2 I am ok. I am content , happy and not obsessing about him at all! This is the first time in many years I have been at peace about our relationship (or lack of ) . I keep thinking I should be obsessed, fearful ect.. , I am a little sad at times but nothing that doesn't feel normal. Am I in the denial stage? Or could this be the acceptance stage? I sometimes think about our relationship and a few things that were said , but it all feels a little cloudy now, the memories of exact communication is slipping away. The reason I question my acceptance ; I still sometimes think that if he makes it to recovery , he may contact me. Thoughts ?
Its been a while since I posted. Three weeks ago I sent my XABF of 11 years a letter , short and sweet , appologizing for a few things I said when we last spoke , and telling him I wish for peace, happiness and forgiveness for us both. No response , WOW that thru me for a loop he has always responded to me in the past and likewise me to him. In fairness I specifically did not write anything that would require a response just two basic sentences. But of course in my mind I wanted some response. Maybe an apology from him ?? Crazy thinking , he never appologizes so why I would expect one now is dumb. Anyway , I cried for four days about it , now the last week and 1/2 I am ok. I am content , happy and not obsessing about him at all! This is the first time in many years I have been at peace about our relationship (or lack of ) . I keep thinking I should be obsessed, fearful ect.. , I am a little sad at times but nothing that doesn't feel normal. Am I in the denial stage? Or could this be the acceptance stage? I sometimes think about our relationship and a few things that were said , but it all feels a little cloudy now, the memories of exact communication is slipping away. The reason I question my acceptance ; I still sometimes think that if he makes it to recovery , he may contact me. Thoughts ?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I think you should take it one day at a time and let tomorrow take care of itself. You believe you accept it today, that is what matters. We are always here if your feelings change or something outside of you changes. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Tinton Falls, NJ
Posts: 87
Sounds like you are accepting and by sending him a letter, you got your peace. Him not responding will hurt because of the length of your relationship. That doesn't mean you are in denial. If he makes it to recovery, he may contact you or may not. Don't put your life on hold though waiting for him to do so. Move on and be at peace and find happiness and joy in your life. You deserve it. I think any of us who have dealt with an alcoholic think we must have done something wrong to deserve what we're going through. Not true! You deserve the best. He is not the best for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Keep moving forward. IF he reaches out to you then address it then. I would not waste one more second thinking about the "what if" because then "what if" he doesn't contact you.
It is a never ending cycle.
If you are letting go then don't hold yourself back.
Just my two cents worth.
Hugs to you!
It is a never ending cycle.
If you are letting go then don't hold yourself back.
Just my two cents worth.
Hugs to you!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
If you are still thinking about him every day---like you are now....you aren't over him, yet......
You will know that you are getting over him when it suddenly occurs to you that you didn't think about him yesterday,,,,or, for a few days....
When all this grieving just seems like too much energy to keep up....
These are the signs of the "cure"..........
dandylion
You will know that you are getting over him when it suddenly occurs to you that you didn't think about him yesterday,,,,or, for a few days....
When all this grieving just seems like too much energy to keep up....
These are the signs of the "cure"..........
dandylion
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