blue7777

My older brother (30) has drank heavily for many years (10+). Recently, he's been full blown alcohol dependent. He went to detox one time at the hospital and was sober for two months before drinking again. I am at such a loss as to what to do anymore. My family is a total mess, he is all my parents talk about and no one is ever happy. I feel like I have severe anxiety 24/7 because of this all. Detachment is next to impossible because he will call me 20+ times a night (I work nights so makes it even more stressful), and he'll message me all the time. I typically do not answer the phone when he calls (especially when I'm at work obviously) and this makes him extremely angry. He says horrible, threatening things to me and my family (worse to my parents than me). I am just at a loss and am tired of feeling horribly sad everyday. I guess I'm just looking for some support.

Thanks.

Sotiredofitall

Welcome, blue. Pretty quiet in here tonite. Hugs to you. I'm sure there will be many in here and you will find much support. Its so hard dealing with this awful disease.

LexieCat

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this drama. Is there any possibility you could get a place of your own? I also suggest Al-Anon, which was a lifeline for me when I was dealing with other people's alcoholic insanity. Ideally, you'd get your parents to go, too, so you could all get on the same page, more or less. But you are responsible ONLY for YOU.

Hugs, stick around, there's lots of great support here.

redatlanta

Your brother is controlling you, actually he is controlling your entire family. Only you should control you. You can detach because you can set boundaries. You do not have to answer his calls in fact you can and should block him.

It would be nice if the whole family would get on board with removing your alcoholic brother out of the driver's seat. They may not, but you sure can. Are you living at home? Is he?

I strongly recommend you get to Al Anon and start working the step program. This will help you tremendously is figuring out not only how to deal with your brother - but also how to deal with your parents. It would be great if they would do the same.

Ursula745

Not really. It's not easy, but it's simple. If you were to block his number, he can't call or text you.

Sounds like it's time to stop allowing him to do that. You do not deserve to be treated that way.

I, too, have an A brother. I have a good relationship with him today, but during his throws of alcohol dependence, I had to stop talking to him. I had to come to terms that whatever was going to happen would happen. I told him I loved him, but I could not continue a relationship with him while drinking. It took a LONG time for me to get to that point. I was attending Al Anon and posting here. But, I had finally had enough.

It really depends on how much is enough for you. You can't do anything about him. But you can about you. I hope you and your family can finally get some peace.

CodeJob

Welcome to SR Blue!

I am sorry your family is enmeshed at the moment with an addict. They have a way of manipulating endlessly because we love them and want them to recover. They twist that love and just keep taking.

Here is a link to an excellent article that I found very helpful dealing with my H when he had his head up a bottle.

Addiction, Lies and Relationships

Liveitwell

Setting boundaries seems impossible but it is not-and honestly is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and him. It removes the insanity from your life and allows him to (hopefully) feel the consequences of his actions. Peace and hope to you!

honeypig

Hi, blue, and welcome to SR. I hope you find what you need here.

You've gotten some good advice already. I'd just like to add that it will be helpful for you to read as much as you can here. Make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page; they contain a lot of concentrated wisdom. This is a sample of what you'll find there, and also a great place to start educating yourself about alcoholism: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Alanon and SR are both great sources of support and education for you too. They've worked together to help me grow, learn and change, and I hope they work for you too.

There is also another part of this forum that you might want to look into also, if you haven't already. It's especially for people who have an alcoholic relative (parent, sibling, etc.) and the specific problems w/that situation. Here's the link, if you'd like to check in there also for some additional support and insight: NEW! Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Again, glad you found us here, and I hope you keep coming back.