Timetoheal12

It's been 3 weeks since xabf decided to put and end to our relationship, and I've been having a lot of stuff on my mind today.

He really made me feel like I was nothing after he said I was very important to him, he said he loved me one day and then the other just dumped me because I wouldn't have sex with him (or at least that is what I think)....

I am very angry with myself for getting back together with him after all he did, I am angry at my wishful thinking that everything could be worked out between us if only he "loved me"...

I know I am grieving, and I don't want to be too hard on myself, but I am very, very ashamed and angry with myself, also, very angry with him for acting like he did... He could have just dissappeared from my life or something, but he didn't, and he dumped me again...

Like I said, it's been 3 weeks already, and I would have normally sent a lot of texts to him but this time I haven't done it...
The other times I would ask him "why this, why that, why you said you loved me if you didn't" and try to explain my point of view to see if we could work things out. He would ignore me or reply to me like if he never met me or felt any sort of love or respect to me (he replied in an insulting manner).

I guess he really felt like the king of the world by controlling me or something... And now that I haven't played my part on this, he must be wondering, what the hell? I don't know if he cares or not tbh, I just know I shouldn't care, but it's hard.

It's been 3 weeks. I don't want to keep on feeling like I feel today.

I haven't texted anything to him this time and I won't do it. I feel like if I don't give in to that weird temptation I'll get a little piece of self-respect back...

At some point, I felt like he did love me. And that scares me because, how will I know what real love is?



...

dandylion

Timeto heal.........take a look at your name...(timetoheal)....lol! it takes time to heal. Longer than 3weeks. More like several weeks to several months to get this way on the back burner.,,,for it to enter the category of "past history".
It is normal, for this stage of heart-break to ruminate; to ask the unanswerable questions; to doubt yourself; to question the Universe; to be angry---at yourself/others. To feel lonely and afraid, at times; to regret; to make bargains with the universe; to cry rivers of tears; to feel waves of longing; to feel depressed; to re-examine your morals and values and your own judgements.

All of this is normal and is likely to occur over the next weeks and months.

It will become less and less as time goes on. As you make new friendships and have new experiences and just go o n with your daily life.

It is o.k. to ventilate this to people who u ndertand that you are grieving. (like us).

Do understand that it will not always feel like this and that you will not always be obsessed by thoughts of him........
This, too, will pass.....
dandylion

healthyagain

That's a good point. You will know that someone loves when you see that person respects you . . . who you are, your individuality, your boundaries. This guy does not respect you. Period. The reason is not you or some flaw of yours. There are people in life who treat others as if they are objects, as if they are entitled to something. He was playing with you. He hops like a frog from one lotus leaf to another when it comes to partners. Now, you may feel very angry, very resentful (that is actually a new phase!) You mourn, then you are really angry, and eventually there is acceptance.

Look at this as a life lesson where the consequences were minimal.

Many hugs to you.

sugarbear1

How much do you know and love you? When I learned about me and when I loved me enough to have self confidence, to know my boundaries and to be okay being alone with me, this is when I found love.

You'll know what love is soon enough!!

ErinGoBragh

It hurts when someone breaks off with us and sends us conflicting messages that leave us with no closure.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had many loose ties left when I finally left, and ultimately went no-contact, with my husband.

All I can tell you is, in the end, I wanted peace of mind for myself. I had to let go of the inconsistent behavior he exhibited and the conflicting things he said.

I was left to figure out me. That's all you can do. People often don't make sense. I think addicts in particular are so puzzling and inconsistent.

When I walked into the apartment my husband lived the last nine weeks of his life, it made no sense to me how he lived. I will never be able to wrap my head around how someone would lock themselves up and drink themselves to death.

I just had to quit asking questions and start finding my own answers.

I wish you all the very best. Be good to yourself.

searching peace

I promise it has nothing to do with you not having sex with him. I promise it has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. It has everything to do with him and his immaturity and inability to be in a relationship. And maybe God sent you a blessing by having this person get out of your life. I am ashamed but I will tell you so you understand. I did have sex with my stbxah even through this last year and the protection order against him. I gave this man unconditional love, understanding, support, encouragement and kindness. I never once put up any boundaries. I never told him he had to stop drinking or that he had to get help with the abuse. I did tell him I wild help him find information if he wanted to get help with those things. I was at his beckon call. And he still didn't want me. I know there is nothing I could have done or not done to ever make this person want to be with me. And that is what I want you to know about your xabf. It isn't about you. This is not a dig at you, your looks, your morals nothing to do with you! This man is not capable of being able to offer you anything other than heartache. Please look at this as a blessing! You could have wound up like so many of us married and dealing with this for years or having kids be exposed to this. You just escaped a major bullet. Read codependent no more, and go out and enjoy your life! Find things you enjoy and move on to your next healthy romance. And one day you will thank him for letting you go!

gleefan

Exactly what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it. Thank you.

Duckygirl1

When I was young, a neighbor of mine had a vicious dog. One day the dog got lose and bit me. Why? That's what vicious dogs do. It had nothing to do with me. The dog was locked back up and I'm pretty sure didn't give me another thought. If it got lose again, it would have bitten me again with no thought. THIS is your ex. He is not sitting around worrying about where you are are why you don't text. He doesn't care. You could have went at it like a porn star and he'd still be gone. He was special, you were next. Take TIME 3 weeks is nothing. It will get better. I'm juuuuust getting my head back and you will too! In the meantime, vent away. We understand. ((((Hugs)))

Timetoheal12

Thankyou for replying.
Thanks for the patience, understandment and great advice.

Some of your words made me cry a little. It is good to know that I can still cry, since I was so upset that I really couldn't let myself feel anything else.

I've been real busy today with college, staying busy is very helpful as I stop obsessing over what happened.

I want to live a happy life...
That is my goal.

fluffyflea

Stop beating yourself up and give yourself time to heal.

Patticakes

Timetoheal..... you will find the most amazing support, encouragement and unconditional love on this site! I can tell you I truly believe this site helped save my life! I am glad you are here!
HUGS !!!!!!