Butterfly

I've set my boundary so will see what happens from here if he crosses it again I'm outta their. I don't need an unhealthy relationship I need relationships that are healthy and good for me. I'm not going to get involved with someone who isn't.

Apart from those comments it has been nice catching up the last few days. We are going for coffee in the middle of the day in a busy cafe lol next week

LexieCat

Yeah, I think some guys are simply clueless as to what constitutes a good pickup line. "You're probably good in bed" and "I've always imagined you naked" aren't winners. A lot depends on whether those were truly inept attempts to express his interest or whether he's creepy and pushy.

Keep it VERY public (and don't share too much personal information) until you get a better sense of what this guy's about. If, by chance, he IS bad news, you don't want to give him weapons to use against you.

searching peace

I agree with Lexi! Good advice. I grew up with my stbxah and knew him since I was 8. I had talked to him the entire time through marriages to other people and divorces etc. I considered one of my best friends. But, I had not seen him or been around him at all in about a 20 year gap. And I thought and treated him as the man I grew up with. Life had changed him and I didn't listen to my instincts. I kept making excuses as to why he did certain things. I know I have changed from the person I was 16 years ago. I'm sure this person has also. Just go in eyes wide open. I would never want anyone to have to experience what I have and jump from the frying pan into the fire. You have a good head on your shoulders and you have great gut instincts. Listen to that inner voice.

dandylion

Some men are very neanderthal........
...low-level protein. No possibility of a silk purse........

dandylion

Butterfly

Lol dandylion.

Thank you Lexie and searching. I think he doesn't have a clue how to show his interest hopefully now he will ease up and slow down!!

Yes coffee will be in a very public place and no deep personal stuff!!!

CarmenLove

Go

Tansy

I am maybe not the best to comment here cos I've only been split with ex 8 months tho we were separated a long time before we parted company. However I'd run a mile from this bloke. I sense he's scaring you deep down. You do not have to meet him to see if you can do it. He sounds like the type I attracted in the beginning when I was first single. He senses you are vulnerable and he is looking for sex. It's obvious to me. I met blokes like this a few months back. I avoided them and carried on on my own. It's hard. I like meeting people. However all I attracted was Mr Unavailable or Mr Looking for Sex. Usually both one and the same. Lets go for coffee translated to lets go for coffee and then we can have no commitment sex after. None of them actually wanted a relationship. None of them knew what they wanted. I've changed since then.... beyond all recognition and am now attracting available men who no longer have sex on their agenda. Am not particularly interested in a relationship but am no longer scared of one or feel unready. If it happens it does. If it doesn't so what is my attitude now. I have a LOT of single male friends now. One takes me out every weekend. It is just for lunch and coffee. He wouldn't dream of sex texting me or making lewd suggestions about my ability in the sack. You can do way better than this bloke Butterfly. He sounds like a player who is already manipulating you.

Butterfly

Thanks Carmel and tansy.

I don't know if I'm scared to meet up with him or scared as I actually start living my life and living my recovery. Again I don't know whether his comments are a way of saying he wants me in bed or that's his personality., I have lots of male friends who say much worse not only to me but to others, it's part of their personality Since I told him I don't want anything more than friendship he hasn't made any comments like that.

This is a new stage for me, for the last 14 months I've been stuck in a rut just working , looking after my kids , hiding away and wondering why, how and crying over ex A. I want a life I've known I need to start building a life figure out who I am what I like and don't like and start to make healthy decisions.

If this guy just wants sex he won't get it from me, if he shows signs that he's manipulating me or isn't treating me well then I will have no issue walking away. I guess this is what I need to learn and to start to understand my gut feelings and listen and act on them. I've set my boundary and he disrespects it then he doesn't respect me, bottom line I will not settle for less than I deserve..

searching peace

Good for you Butterfly!!! You are sounding healthier each post! You sound as if you are in a very positive place right now. I am very happy for you!!! You deserve to be very happy!

HollyC88

Go! It doesn't have to be a date, just 2 friends catching up! I think you'll enjoy getting out

FeelingGreat

Butterfly, just caught up with this, but he sounds creepy and a little bit desperate to me. Luckily you're in no mood to be taken advantage of.

Hawkeye13

I agree with you--trust you gut.

Butterfly

Thanks everyone. We have been talking a lot the last few days and no more inappropriate comments or inept flirting whatever it was. We shall see if he can sustain it.

Butterfly

Feelinggreat, no I'm not in any mood to be taken advantage of. If I want to love myself I need to start respecting myself. I've never really set a boundary before I tried with ex a but never followed through or I broke them. It's time I stopped talking about living and wanting to love myself and started and stopped hiding away. Who knows this may turn out to be a disaster but il never know unless I'm out their and there will be many things I have to learn to overcome so I may start learning and stop focusing on ex

FeelingGreat

Absolutely, and you have enough confidence now to maintain your boundaries.