killerinstinct

I'm progressing in my recovery and am feeling utterly broken from holding onto the stress of trying to do life with the EXA. I've had a moment of clarity about my future, Im resolving things in my head... Im a bit depressed because I feel so tired from carrying the load for so long.. With this release I feel space freeing up in my mind.. And then I wonder did I imagine that whole situation with the A? It feels like a bad dream?? A very bad dream?? Did I lose my husband to addiction and am now a single mum because of addiction??? This all seems so strange.. Was he really an addict??? Or was it all me?

theuncertainty

Oh, ((((hugs)))) KI. I understand. Please know that it wasn't all you.

It's normal to feel tired. You're finally able to feel something other than 'trying to hold everything together,' it's natural that you're tired now.

Duckygirl1

I know this feeling too well. I'm exhausted too. It's what I call the aboriginal dreamtime of dealing with addicts. I feel like when the last of his stuff is gone, I will be able to imagine it never happened. He has moved on with rehab girl with a new home and planning babies that I can't have. His family treats me like I'm a non entity though I'm the one that did everything possible to get him into rehab. Did any of this happen? Yes, it did. My sadness tells me it did. My anger tells me it did. The fact that I'd love to go on a date, but am terrified tells me this man, this relationship that only I was aware of happened.

They lost themselves to addiction waaaaaaay before they lost us. We just got the honor of being the ones watching their self destruction. It's an honor I could have done without

redatlanta

Matter of perspective.

The relationship ended because your husband chose not to address his MANY problems. A garden will die if it is not watered. A relationship is a garden. Addicts don't water the garden. End of story.

Sungrl

Very well said.

In fact they not only don't water the garden, they p*ss all over it and themselves in the process.

Step away from the puddle.

atalose

I remember in the past when I reached that “bargaining” stage of grief I would ask myself those same questions and then some. Was it really that bad? Did I exaggerate things? Is facing life alone worth it or would going back be easier? And each and every answer to any and all of my questionable thoughts like that was undoubtedly a great big YES I made the correct decision to leave the relationship.

Often it feels like a life time ago yet sometimes it feels like just yesterday.

I think the road of grief has many bumps and potholes, but they are all maneuverable if we just stay looking ahead and not back.

It's like getting off of that crazy spinning ride, knowing you are on safe ground but are still feelings the affects from it. The chaos has settled in our minds yet we continue to spin for a bit.

It's normal and yes you are progressing in your recovery!!!

((hugs))