This is not OK...
 

I don't feel well...
It's been a week since my (suspectedly) alcoholic ex dumped me and I still wonder about everything. It is definitely not OK, I mean, this is the second time he ever dumps me, this isn't my first experience with him and it is also not the first time I feel so low and overanalyze everything he said or did.

He said we weren't compatible.. It is weird... I really felt like he did love me.

Now he is pursuing another friend of mine (he's already done this once) and my older brother told me he has been posting some passive-agressive stuff on facebook (I asked him to unfriend him) but the point here is, why? Why in hell would you still want to twist your knife inside me if you had already caused so much pain?
What for?... What did I do to him?

I spoke to my therapist about this and she, being well experienced with A's, told me that perhaps he was mad at me because I said "no" when he asked me to meet just to say he was sorry for everything he did to me (I mean.. he had the chance to dump me in person... and he dumped me via social media the last day I saw him, so, why bother with a thing like this? Was he trying to hurt me more or to relieve his guilt?)

I can't go on like this but my next appointment with my therapist seems far away right now.
I've been trying to focus in my improvement but I really can't understand why it was so hard for him to make an effort... I keep seeing him as a normal person but, my mom always said he surely had issues with alcohol (well, maybe she knows... she is married with one and three of her brothers are A's too...). So I'm on denial.

I miss him and I miss the good times when he really made an effort to stay with me.

I now feel like an idiot for having gave him another shot...

sounds like he's just kind of a jerk hon. a player i think its called? its that he wasn't that into you, its that he is SO into HIMSELF there isn't room for anybody else.

so he uses social media a lot and says some stupid stuff. SO WHAT? he can do whatever he wants. its JUST facebook.....it doesn't matter.

quit trying to read anything deep or meaningful into what he does....cuz it just ain't there. he's about as shallow as a raindrop hitting the sidewalk.

live and learn.

Time to heal,

In time I hope you focus more on what you need to do to say good bye to this relationship rather than waste energy on why.

Peace!

I know I should. I just feel so sad for having felt like he really did love me.

Sweetie, those kinds of feelings are normal with breakups. Of ANY kind, not just with alcoholics. I had a guy in college (to whom I was engaged) break off the engagement over the phone. I broke off the entire relationship, and I was haunted for a while with that, "But WHY? I thought he LOVED me."

Honestly, I think he did for a while, but it wasn't a lifetime love for him. And that's OK. That's what dating is about. Sometimes the relationships just plain don't work out. Sometimes it's them, and sometimes it's us.

So maybe this guy did "love" you (by his definition, anyway) for a time, but it wasn't a lifetime love. And really, he didn't treat you great.

So take some time to lick your wounds and grieve, but don't feel like your life is over. You are still very young, and there are some awesome guys out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

It's never easy when there is a breakup. It's just something that has to be given time. I understand you are sad, but try to change your thoughts to something positive. Why not plan a day trip this weekend? Go to a park or a beach, or a museum.

Distract and find a positive thought.

Timetoheal.....it is normal to feel sad at this point in time. Like your name says....it is going to take some "timetoheal",
It is o.k. to cry and to acknowledge the feelings and the hurt.

I am sure that you are in the grieving process.....
Grief is actually the very first step toward healing......

Hon...think of this as short-term pain for the long-term gain.It won't always feel like this....

****Be sure to find out how this all happened so that you don't pi ck one like him EVER AGAIN!!!!!!

dandylion

This has happened before? So perhaps you should explore why you continue to participate in it. Have you tried Alanon? I was stuck in a self-destructive relationship and the fellowship and program helped me claw myself out and get to a much more life-affirming place in life. A big hug.

I would love to but can't, my mother won't let me cause' she doesn't want me to go back to this person again. She doesn't trust me and I honestly believe she is right on this.
She didn't knew that I got back with him but I told her yesterday. She said it was OK that I decided to see how he was for myself but she is afraid I will go back again if he ever asks for it (we have been together for 3 times).

However, I have found that I can distract myself at home, when I'm not at school... So I guess this is all about self control, isn't it...?
It all is... Thank you

It has....: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dumped-me.html

And you're right. This is now more about me than it is about him.
I wanted to see by myself, I dunno...
He was/is my first love so I wanted to be sure, and yet, I'm still on denial...

I've seen people post some pretty crappy stuff on facebook about other people. One guy went ballistic on his gf for walking out after 7 years. He was a former roommate of my ex. This guy was a raving loon who got into fist fights at AA meetings. When I read everything he had to say about her. All I thought was how did she do 7 years of this whack job? He looked like crap, not her.

You are hurting and that's normal, but you will heal and some day be a happy and grateful member of the "bullet dodgers society" which I just made up! Now go out and do something that has nothing even remotely to do with him! (((Hugs)))