LifeRecovery

I made a job switch almost two years ago within the same organization. Part of the reason for the switch was to get out of a challenging supervisor situation (and I had outgrown the job). A number of my codependent behaviors were pretty entrenched in this old job, and so were my relationships.

I love my new job. I love my coworkers, and I love the work. I am getting a lot of feedback that I am doing a good job. Part of this job requires a big test after I have put in enough work hours. The job is only part time, and neither myself nor the institution knew how to accrue those hours when I started. It has been more challenging then we anticipated.

So what is the problem you ask? I have tried really hard to not slip into old codependent behaviors such as working more hours than I am paid, letting my perfectionistic tendancies run the show etc at this job. I am also trying to not shut down when conflict arises. Again this seems to be working well with my peers.

I have trying to do the same thing with my boss.

After (finally) expressing feedback this week that I was feeling really caught about this hour/test thing to my boss, I was informed that she felt I was not living up to my expectations because I had not met my unrealistic and hopeful expectations 18 mths ago about when I could take the test. Her perception is that I am a fault for this, not the part time, my challenges with her at work are about this etc. A lot more makes sense hearing this (so there is some relief).

Overall though, I am really struggling with this feedback. I don't feel like it is fair, but now I can see why I have been feeling like she believes I am a poor employee of late. I am also pretty angry about it (which is a sign of health for me), but I don't think she is a person that can hear this without making it worse. I feel like if I don't say it though, it will be me taking a step back in my recovery.

My other coworkers are also struggling with my boss. She is a very nice person, but has not done her own "recovery work." I just got off the phone with one of my coworkers who was loving, supportive and helped me to not feel crazy.

I know that no one has been in this exact situation, but as you have worked your recovery challenges have come up (outside the living with an A). What has worked? What did not? What gets you through? How do you hold onto what is best for you even knowing that it might not be best for the situation?

I want to add that I am grateful for recovery, and that the fact that I am feeling this stuff (and asking for help around it) would not have been an option for me even a year ago.

CodeJob

Hello LifeRecovery,

I'm wondering if there are issues your boss has not revealed to you that are causing this pressure - particularly since you mention other coworkers are also struggling.

Will the hours and the test increase your future opportunities? What was your boss' idea to make this happen in a revised timeline?

I hate to suggest this, but I think you two need a follow up personal meeting to discuss making it happen in a way that works for both of you.

I've posted some work-related threads over the past year. I struggle with perfectionism.

LifeRecovery

There is a lot going on for my boss. She has been given a lot of new responsibilities and I think she is trying to "protect" us by not sharing them with us. I think she is being pulled in a lot of directions....and it is coming out sideways. This is a new challenge for me with her (and my coworkers).

I do need to probably do a sit down with her.....but in my heart of heart I don't think it will matter. I don't think she is in a place to hear it. On the other hand that could be my stuffing knee jerk reaction talking.

I have decided to address pieces as the come up. Sometimes her remarks can be hurtful and pointed. I let them go one on one but they build up for me. This week has taught me that I can't do that anymore. Even if I just name "ouch" outloud to her it will help. For administrative pieces I tend to do a lot of defending of myself recently, and I have decided to stop that also. So I left at 9pm after a three hour class that she insisted I teach, that is what you get. I don't need to justify that the gate at the center I taught was locked and I had to make multiple trips to my car. That puts me in old behavior, and is keeping me stuck.

It is amazing how when the student is ready, a teacher will appear. Boy howdy am I in that place.