Inviting a friend who has alcohol dependencies
 

I have a dilemma. I have a girl friend who has alcohol addictions. I care about her wellbeing, and have confided to her many times about personal issues including a special fellow who I was interested in last year. Now this special fellow wants to marry me this summer and I feel that I feel owe it to my girlfriend to invite her as she encouraged me to act on this relationship with this fellow. As much as I like to invite her out of compassion there has been many times where we have had intense conversations where I felt uncomfortable. There is a lot of drama in her life which I don't like. I don't see her often and we are more like telephone friends. How do I tell her in a comfortable way that I don't want any drama at my wedding by excluding her. Our lifestyles are so different too. :a108:

I'd either invite her or not invite her. There's no good way to tell someone you'd invite her but you don't want her there because of her "drama." If she hears about the wedding, then you can tell her why, but be prepared for her to end the friendship.

And you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to invite out of "compassion." Her life will go on whether she's invited or not.

This is your wedding not hers, don't make it about her this is your day.

Don't share alot of the plans with her and afterwards simple say it was a very small gathering with just family.

At my alanon meeting we start with reading the 12 steps then the 12 traditions, yes taking it in turns then a topic is picked from a jar and we talk about the topic but are always invited by the chair to talk about something else if we wish when it's our turn to talk. On the 3rd week of every month is a step session. I have only been to this one and one other one the other one I didn't like as it was everyone talking over each other!

I hope you find a group that fits for you.

Butterfly, I think you meant to post this in Lucy's thread, not here. :)

If she's that much a casual friend I'd keep it light and just say you're having a very small and private low-key wedding after telling her you're engaged to be married.

anytime we use the term "well, i SHOULD, but........" that's our cue that NO is the correct response.

you don't OWE her anything. and it doesn't sound like you really even like her that much.

do not make your wedding day about obligation or guilt. make it about love and joy.

Sorry seeker.

Hi Seeker,
I had a very similar situation when I got married four years ago. My husband had a female friend he had known since childhood with significant alcohol ans drug issues that we didn't invite to our wedding as she was highly volatile and would instigate fights and drama with people she didn't even know. It cost us our friendship with her but her behaviour was so often outrageous ( police being called) that we couldn't risk it. I have no regrets, it would have spoilt a beautiful day and I would not have relaxed with her there. Its not your fault your friend has alcohol issues an you are not responsible for her feelings. All the best xx

Dear Pipping and all,

Thanks for your experienced comments. I have been wrestling with this for a long time and still am. My friend also says you better get married before I die and that bothered me too. I am so sensitive to people that I have a lot of my own stuff to deal with.

She feels that she takes credit for my relationship with my mate as I confided into her about my interest in him but was shy to ask him out for lunch. She encouraged me to take a chance and go for it.

What I find interesting and notice about her is that she does have so much strength for areas in her life but likes her wine and when I do hear from her on the phone there is a lot of chaotic drama like police and volatile behaviours which I don't like and cannot handle.

I see that pattern and picking fights and volatile behaviour Pipping. I like my friend at a distance.

I know!! Tell her AFTER the fact and make it sound like you eloped or wanted to keep it on the down low! That you aren't fond of "big weddings".