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Alanon meeting

Old 08-23-2004, 08:51 AM
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Gracey
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Alanon meeting

I went to church Sunday...........you are never going to believe this......I saw someone from my Alanon meeting there.....she was a member......of my church....(her church before my church).........this Friday was just my second alanon meeting.....she wasnt there last Friday......she was there at my first meeting I attended......she recognized me.....came up to me at church and was informing me of a meeting that they have on sunday evening after church service........

I just became a member of the church last Wednesday, when we were baptized......(my husband and myself)

I feel kind of icky, just having joined a new church and having someone from my alanon meeting there.......I guess I need to find a new meeting.......I am not going to be comfortable at either place now.........my husband really likes this church and he would just die if he knew .......(I am not going to tell him) do you know how embarrased he would be.....he would never want to go back to that church again.....he would feel like everyone knows he was an A...........this women already knows, hes had an affair and he is an A..........so I feel like I need to find a new meeting place......for alanon...........she only met me once at my first meeting......I would like to keep those separate........I dont want people at my new church to know that I go to Alanon......I wanted this to be a new beginning.......I feel like I am being selfish......
 
Old 08-23-2004, 09:19 AM
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Curious

Originally Posted by breec3
I feel kind of icky, just having joined a new church and having someone from my alanon meeting there.......I guess I need to find a new meeting.......I am not going to be comfortable at either place now.........
Just curious..
Would you feel the same way if you were going to a cancer or diabetes support group? There are a LOT of A's around and a lot of spouses and family members and friends and... you'll be seeing people from meetings everywhere you go...

"No one can go back and make a brand new start.
Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
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Old 08-23-2004, 09:41 AM
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breec - your call, but cadence is right - this is all part of the stigma of alcoholism - it's a disease. we would look at it differently if it were diabetes or cancer.

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Old 08-23-2004, 10:06 AM
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I had the same experience during family week at the rehab center my husband was at. I walked in and there was a couple from our small town whose son had recently been admitted. At first I was uneasy and felt exposed and vulnerable. But the dad, especially, knowing that it was awkward for all of us, gave me space when I needed it and respected my privacy. That display of respect was very powerful and we became great allies over the week.

So I appreciate your desire to turn and run, but maybe if you give this woman a chance, you can find a friendship. Our lives can seem so fragmented in the chaos of alcholism that it might be nice to have someone that connects the dots in different settings. I think you will know in a very short time if she is someone you can trust.

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Old 08-23-2004, 10:17 AM
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My husband should have choices to.......and his choice would probably be to not have his new church find out he is an A.......Shouldnt he have the choice to tell people himself on his own time if thats what he choses to do????......for other people in my church to find out from this other person in alanon would not be fair to him.......he feels safe at this church.....he feels good there and no one knows us and he thought this was a new beginning....a new start......

I definelty wouldnt tell a cancer or diabetic group that my husband was having an affair with a women who was 6 months pregnant with her husbands child........(I dont think)

Is it really impossible to start over with a new slate.....
 
Old 08-23-2004, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by breec3
My husband should have choices to.......and his choice would probably be to not have his new church find out he is an A.......Shouldnt he have the choice to tell people himself on his own time if thats what he choses to do????......for other people in my church to find out from this other person in alanon would not be fair to him.......he feels safe at this church.....he feels good there and no one knows us and he thought this was a new beginning....a new start......

I definelty wouldnt tell a cancer or diabetic group that my husband was having an affair with a women who was 6 months pregnant with her husbands child........(I dont think)

Is it really impossible to start over with a new slate.....
One of the things about AA or Al-Anon is that what happens in a meeting STAYS in the meeting. If I'm not mistaken, it's one of the very basic principals of the meetings. That trust factor is of huge importance in the healing process, you must be able to trust those in the group to respect the privacy of the meetings and not gossip... this is sacred stuff.
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Old 08-23-2004, 10:48 AM
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cadence is right - that is a basic principal - anonymity (did i spell that right?

if you really feel that uncomfortable, find another meeting, but you may be mssing out on a bond with someone that was meant to be in your life - maybe that your hp is sterring you towards.

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Old 08-23-2004, 10:49 AM
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apologies to all - i am just having a fat fingered day and can't type worth a darn!!!!

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Old 08-23-2004, 11:21 AM
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My husband has been going to meetings everyday for almost a year now. I have not heard one word about his meetings or the people he meets there and I never ask, nor do I have a desire to know. When he leaves, I get a kiss, he tells me & the kids he's going to a meeting and he'll see us later. That's it!

Same goes with the Al Anon meetings I go to. I see people from meetings all over town, at softball games, soccer practice, school functions, the supermarket etc. It's not a big deal. Life goes on the same as before, hopefully healthier for you. You can't run away from it, instead be amazed at how many alcoholics and enablers there are out there ........ there is probably a lot more than just that one you saw at church. So what if someone knows he's an alcoholic ..... he is and it's a truth he and you have to face with dignity if you can. It's a disease, one that both of you are trying to overcome.

I don't even think you should have to tell your husband you're going to a meeting. Just go!
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Old 08-23-2004, 12:08 PM
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Breec alanon is an anonymous program, what is shared in the rooms stays there.

I'm sure you'd be surprised at how many other A's there are in your church.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Ngaire
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Old 08-23-2004, 12:26 PM
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No one else in the church is going to know. She is in the same situation you are and you know you aren't going to ttell anyone about her... One member of my lady's horse group is in AA [ I saw her at an open meeting.] I will never tell anyone about it. dax
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Old 08-23-2004, 01:17 PM
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BREE HI
I have always heard that everyone knows who the alcoholics are . So sorry to say that. I don't suppose really true in every case, but ???

We A's parked in front of the bar's and liquor stores while drinking, but when time to go to AA, we parked 3 blocks away and tried to hide in shadows or use the back door, ????
Hope your group is very strong on the "Who you see and what you hear,STAYS HERE".

We all feel your concerns. and so want you to find some directions to help.
LOVE AND HUGS clancy46
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