Wondering if I'll ever be myself again
 

Hi everyone. Needing someone to listen. I'm caught in the loop of "a year ago at this time, we didn't have these problems" "if only my son hadn't done (fill in the blank) ..."what if I had sent him to military school?" ... "Why do my friends' kids all have wonderful young adult lives?"
OMG I am SO sick of being awakened at 4 in the morning to these thoughts.

I weep for the child he could be. I weep for the happy-go-lucky woman I used to be. I know all the AlAnon quotes. I know I'm not responsible for any of it. We are just stuck in this vicious cycle.

Just needed to get that out. I'm sitting here looking at him now and you would never have a clue what he's done to his life and our lives.

I can certainly understand your feelings. When I get into this kind of mind frame what works is getting in motion: get out of the house, call someone, go to a meeting, fast walking. I can't think my way out of a funky mood but I can take an action.

INgal....there are some books that are written by the mothers of alcoholic children for other parents.
If you have any interest....please let me know by PM...and, I will gladly supply the names.

It sounds to me like you are entering the stage of grieving.....

dandylion

I weep for the child he could be. . .(((((hugs))))

Somedays, he might too. Boy, do I remember looking at my friends kids and thinking why my kid? There is no way for me to answer and I could run through the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" list all day. Don't.. It will drive you mad. Sometimes we have to let go and let God.