theuncertainty

Has any one else had to deal with their XA not recognizing their kids? After not seeing them for a while. I'd guess AXH had been drinking (it was his father's funeral), but my sister said he wasn't visibly intoxicated, but she'd had to introduce DS to him and basically told hms "This is DS, your son," a few times.

knowthetriggers

No experience but how unbelievably painful for your DS.

I am so sorry he had to deal with this first hand, how sad.

hopeful4

Oh wow, that is scary. I've never experienced that, and hope I don't. Hugs to you.

firebolt

so sad - hugs to you and DS.

Thumper

That is awful.

Your ex sounds like he as some screws lose in general. Who knows what was going on with him that day. I'm so sorry for your dear son.

theuncertainty

After talking with my sister this past weekend to find that out, DS's recent behavior makes more sense. It makes me so furious that AXH'd hurt DS that way.

DS is so amazing. So big-hearted and caring. The fact that this happened and it hurt him so much he didn't share it is tearing me up. I can't make that better. The fact that I love DS so much isn't going to make up for his father being a callous flaming idiot.

How could AXH do that? I mean I know it's not intentional. But it is his choice to drink and use to the point where brain function is obviously hurt. It's not like we went from itty-bitty baby DS to pre-teen, where AXH could have no way to know what DS looked like. DS just looks pretty much like a taller version of his 7yo self.

Refiner

The Pickled Brain. How incredibly sad for your DS. WTH did the A do once he knew it was his own dammmm son?? Did he treat him with kindness? Ignore him?

theuncertainty

The delay to realization was so long that my sister confessed to wanting to slap him upside the head each time she had to repeat it and he said "Oh. OK." and looked around for DS.

Once it sunk in, AXH hugged on DS a bit. AXH then proceeded to introduce his sister and niece to DS (both of whom DS knows) as his Aunts rather than an aunt and cousin. Cousin K was called 'Your Aunt K' quite a few times with corrections by people standing around them each time.

DS opted to sit with my sister and her husband rather than with his father through the service. He didn't even ask if he could sit with his dad. He also refused to go to the gathering after the service.

DS mentioned that the GF seemed more upset than his dad did. Which I kind of find weird, too. IDK, maybe AXH was on some kind of tranquilizer? Would that make a person not recognize their own kid after several re-introductions? My sister said he didn't act drugged or drunk. (Just stupid.) And he didn't smell like he'd been drinking. I guess it doesn't matter. The end result is the same.

hopeful4

Not to scare you, but does he have dementia? My dad has dementia and when we see people we have not seen in a while he asks me who they were.

Granted, not his own child. I am just wondering if it's something more.

theuncertainty

Hopeful, it could be dementia... or at least something more than an effect of his addictions... or a combination of everything. IDK.

He was into a few different extreme sports and not always with protective gear. And then there's crashing his bicycle while under the influence. So it could conceivably be exacerbated by effects of a few too many concussions, which is something I hadn't considered as contributing factors until I remembered one of his Gumby-ed extreme skiing runs.

Duckygirl1

I was thinking maybe early onset Alzheimer's. Could drinking accelerate that? I'm so sorry for your DS in this!

Seren

It might be helpful to explain your ex-husband's behavior to his son in terms of dementia? It actually sounds a lot like talking to my late mother-in-law. She also did not recognize her own children sometimes and would sometimes mistake the generations (children, grandchildren, greats etc.).

It was somewhat helpful to us in the case of my MIL to understand it as brain damage so that we did not take it so personally.

HopefulinFLA

It just might be a form of dementia.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol-related_dementia

So sorry for your son. That must have been crushing for him.

Refiner

Or it could be brain damage/ brain shrinkage from all the drinking.

Thumper

He could have been overly medicated, or drunk, or just so inner focused he didn't know what was going on. He seems so selfish and not able to see outside himself from all your posts. Could also be to much alcohol damaged his brain but he is quite young for that.

I think any way of explaining it to your son would do - to help him understand it isn't about him and his worth, which is where kids tend to go. I personally would not go down the dementia path unless you know that is what it is for sure because that can be quite a scary thing and something he might hold onto forever. "My dad had early dementia." Might freak him out about what could happen to him and if it isn't even true why burden him ya know?