Dodge31

It's been a while since I last posted. I spent lots of time working on myself and had a few things changing in my life and I feel Im in a really good place right now. To cut along story short I went no contact with the ex for sometime while i worked on me and how to detach and put solid boundries down for me and the children. I wouldnt have been able to do that if it was for SR. For that Iam truely grateful...xx. So now ive leart to detach and have my boundries and put my needs and my childrens first and listen to NO alcholic bs. My friendship with the ex has improved in ways i never thought was possible. He doesnt darken my door with his drunken antics we dont even speak about them. I dont get angry anymore or waste my time to why hes doing what hes doing. I keep out of his head and refuse any kind of contact when hes drunk or hungover. Hes now looking into some sort of help with his drinking but I dont hold high hopes I dont even waste time on thinking about the what if he did quit it seems pointless. I thought that if i detached and put my boundries down he would get worse and slowly disappear but this doesnt seem to be the case. So my question...is this how detachment works???. Xx

happybeingme

Yes. Detachment is simply allowing someone to live their lives as they see fit and taking care of ourselves in the best way possible.
You have done really well.

Dodge31

I also seem to have developed sympthy and compassion towards him which is something i never thought i would have... xx

knowthetriggers

I get this - I really do.

For me this was a way to release my anger and resentment and embracing acceptance of who he really is.

Dodge31

It really helps me to. It couldnt have been a childhood dream to be an alcoholic and destroy your life.

FireSprite

Detachment definitely helped me to find my empathy & compassion again. Detachment is like another way of saying, "don't take it personally".

At first it seemed like such a ridiculous idea. NOT take it personally? When I was *this* affected? Whaaaaa? Detachment gave me that separation between his actions & my emotions. And like triggers said, it was a step closer to Acceptance.

You sound really healthy!

Duckygirl1

Yep. Seems like you have a grip on it. I still vacillate between I'm ok because I don't take it personally and I'm ok, but I wish him worms in his head. The compassion thing comes in spurts. I'm hoping to find my equilibrium soon.

biminiblue

"wish him worms in his head"