friend slipping, slowly but surely
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Sydney
Posts: 9
friend slipping, slowly but surely
So it's been a while since I posted on here, mostly because things were going well.
My best mate is an alcoholic who had a pretty bad episode a year ago and decided to quit drinking. He's had a few slip ups since then, big ones that seemed at the time to be a one-off thing.
But it seems he's back on it more regularly these days, though he's trying his hardest to hide it from me. I've said in the past I don't want to be around him while drinking etc as it brings up painful memories of bad behaviour from the past, so now I think he's hiding as best he can. I can smell it on his breath occasionally when we catch up over breakfast, and have heard reports from mutual friends... I appreciate the hiding because I don't want to have to deal with it directly with him, but on the other hand the lack of honesty hurts too.
It's like he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't as far as my perception and feelings go. I want to ask how he's doing, but I don't want him to say that he feels in control of his drinking again, because my reaction will be "yes, but for how long?"
Sigh...
D
My best mate is an alcoholic who had a pretty bad episode a year ago and decided to quit drinking. He's had a few slip ups since then, big ones that seemed at the time to be a one-off thing.
But it seems he's back on it more regularly these days, though he's trying his hardest to hide it from me. I've said in the past I don't want to be around him while drinking etc as it brings up painful memories of bad behaviour from the past, so now I think he's hiding as best he can. I can smell it on his breath occasionally when we catch up over breakfast, and have heard reports from mutual friends... I appreciate the hiding because I don't want to have to deal with it directly with him, but on the other hand the lack of honesty hurts too.
It's like he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't as far as my perception and feelings go. I want to ask how he's doing, but I don't want him to say that he feels in control of his drinking again, because my reaction will be "yes, but for how long?"
Sigh...
D
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
I'm in a similar situation. Our friends are addicts. This is their disease and their problem. You asking will not fix it. His hiding is part of that sickness and actually nothing to be glad about because it spares you discomfort. He is lying to himself and you. That will not get better. Those bad times that trigger you now, will reappear with a vengeance. If his choices now make you that uneasy, it's time that you parted ways. Obviously the boundary that you set needs to be adjusted. I have chosen to leave my friend to find his own way back to the sobriety he once knew, but has chosen to abandon. Here's how long he will be in this state, as long as he wants to. His only damnation is alcohol. Don't take this wrong, but your perceptions don't amount to a hill of beans in this matter. The reality is that he's out of control. There's a little saying round these parts ---let go or get dragged. That is YOUR choice and life and the only life and choice that you can control. Good luck.
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