dandylion

Desert Eyes........Yes! I say to make it a sticky!

dandylion

LexieCat

I think it's an important enough issue to stickify.

DesertEyes

Done stickied in the "About Abuse" section.

Mike

bailey17

wow thank you for posting that. really confirmed what my gut was telling me.

Thomas45

That point is quite debatable. A properly applied neck lock only needs to be applied for 4-5 seconds before an individual passes out from lack of oxygen (from bloodflow) to the brain. As someone who has been trained in practical defense techniques, I can tell you that if I were to ever come across a person being assaulted and the assailant was facing away from me, my response to stop the assault would almost always be a properly applied neck lock to immediately stop the assault and place the assailant in a submissive position that would be difficult for them to escape from when they woke up seconds later. The odds of significant injury against both an assailant AND a good samaritan from a properly applied neck lock are *far* lower than the chance of significant injury from a sucker punch or takedown attempt, especially if you've been trained in the proper application of the technique.

I've also seen this in action, when a drugged out dude in a subway car started getting extremely aggressive and threatening against other passengers. Rather than risk a drawn-out fistfight that could result in numerous injuries for multiple people, one man approached the guy from behind and subdued him in about 4 seconds, then placed him on the ground in a recovery position and held him down so that he couldn't attack anybody. It can have practical, valid applications.

Edit: Watched the video, and it's definitely in a completely different realm than what I was talking about above. Strangulation in a domestic disagreement is completely unacceptable.

amy55

I have also seen this in action, and it was done on me. There may be tactical things to subdue someone, but when it happens in a relationship, I don't care how drunk a person might be, it is an indication that they can and will kill you.

In a relationship, it is about dominance. It's about who is physically stronger and who is the weaker one (physically).

I had black and blues on my neck for close to 2 weeks. I had to stay at a shelter.

When a man put his hands around a womans neck like that and can look her in the eyes, while he is doing that, that is one of the biggest indicators that he could and would kill her.

amy

LivingLife4Me

my husband threw me into the wall and choked me once. I should have called the cops but didn't. One of the many things I will always regret.

Sue

wildchild69

wow....I always thought I was close to the only one that got choked like that...I went through two relationships where my boyfriend did that to me not just once or twice....I never did understand it....no hitting, straight for the choking.... one would even argue "....I didn't hit her...." ...thanks so much for posting this!
I always blew it off....I stayed conscious, no big deal....big eye opener!

OpheliaKatz

Thank you for posting this. My AH was emotionally abusive towards me and blamed it all on PTSD. Before the relationship ended he became violent. The cops said that the drugs he was taking can cause violence. AH blamed his actions on PTSD because in his mind, the drugs make his life better, not worse. He calls me an "abuser" for abandoning him because he has PTSD. Rather than find a place to live, he decided to be homeless. He posted updates on social media saying that his abusive wife made him homeless. Apparently I was abusive because I wanted him to stop spending all his money on illicit drugs and because he wasn't having enough sex (well, he was high 99% of the time). I also wanted him to eat, sleep and clean his bathroom once in a while -- at least once a month -- and he said that I was treating him like a child. So I said, OK, I won't tell you to do anything, and that's when he stopped eating, sleeping... etc. It was all drugs all the time. If I tried to talk to him about these issues, I would get gas-lighted and told that I didn't remember things correctly. Recently I'm remembering some things that he said about his family: his father was once alcoholic and was also adulterous, and his father used to get into fights with his mother and choke her. AH said that he wished his parents had divorced but only if he got to live with his father because his mother was "illogical" and his father was more "reasonable".

Emotional abuse goes hand in hand with manipulation. It can escalate into physical violence (or not), but taking a chance on it is a bit like buying a mystery box of fruit and maybe getting an orange in it, or maybe not.

I feel that it is the responsibility of ALL medical professionals and mental health professionals to educate themselves on addiction and manipulation. The reason is because, in the vast majority of domestic violence cases, there are also cormorbid drug abuse issues. I have been doing some reading. I know this now. I wish I had known this then. The more people know about drug abuse, the better. I know people with young offspring who say that they use drugs recreationally... no, just no. Stop.