AH did not come home - DUI
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
AH did not come home - DUI
So it finally happened...my AH got a dui...he went out last night, I stayed home since my son has an early baseball game this morning. I was hurt he did not come home last night...then he called from jail.
I have never gone through this before...he has to go in front of judge this morning. He mentioned I have to got to a bailsbonds place...my heading is spinning.;..half of me just wants to leave him there...isn't that bad?
Advice please....my son has baseball game at 8:00 am cst then my other has one at 3:00 pm cst...and I thought I was going to have a relaxing Saturday. Okay...serenity prayer...breathe...
I have never gone through this before...he has to go in front of judge this morning. He mentioned I have to got to a bailsbonds place...my heading is spinning.;..half of me just wants to leave him there...isn't that bad?
Advice please....my son has baseball game at 8:00 am cst then my other has one at 3:00 pm cst...and I thought I was going to have a relaxing Saturday. Okay...serenity prayer...breathe...
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
I told him I had the games and he said, "oh, that is so important"...yes, my boys are more important to me at this point...am I am enabling him if I do this? But, I am his wife...his brother is out of town...he doesn't have anyone else to do this...darn it...why did he have to put us in this situation....maybe this will make my decision easier to make...
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
You don't have to bail him out. It's your choice if you want to. A little "time out" cooling his heels might give him a chance to reflect. I know that whenever my ex spent a night in jail (his mom always bailed him out) he came home and would immediately start drinking again and be angrier than ever.
No need for his stupid, irresponsible decision to mess up your plans with the boys. Enjoy the baseball and the nice weather and the family time. Your husband did this to himself. It's not really your problem. It's his.
No need for his stupid, irresponsible decision to mess up your plans with the boys. Enjoy the baseball and the nice weather and the family time. Your husband did this to himself. It's not really your problem. It's his.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Just my experience but yes, I left RAH in jail when he relapsed & got a dui. The bondsman I spoke to informed me that as it was his 1st offense, they would likely let him bond out on his own recognizance at 1st appearance. He said by the time he even finished the forms& started the process he'd likely be headed to court already. He said, save your money, you're going to need it for the fines, etc.
I also fully believe he needed to face his consequences on his own the same way he made the choices that put him in that position. When he called& turned his anger on me, i hung up. ((((hugs))))
I also fully believe he needed to face his consequences on his own the same way he made the choices that put him in that position. When he called& turned his anger on me, i hung up. ((((hugs))))
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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luckily this is my boys weekend with their dad..so they won't know anything is going on...maybe this will be a wake up call for him...thanks everyone...heading out to the first game...beautiful day here in Texas...thank you God I was not with him last night...thank you God for my beautiful boys..
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I agree with the others. He needs to face the consequences of his addiction and a week end in jail won't kill him. Also, it would not be fair to your sons.
Why should they be deprived of having you at their baseball game because your husband is a drunk who endangered public safety and could have hurt or killed someone?
Why not go to the game and have fun and use part of the money you would have spent on bail (it's like 10% out of pocket) to take the kids and their friends out for pizza?
Why should they be deprived of having you at their baseball game because your husband is a drunk who endangered public safety and could have hurt or killed someone?
Why not go to the game and have fun and use part of the money you would have spent on bail (it's like 10% out of pocket) to take the kids and their friends out for pizza?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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SadinTexas.....ladyscribbler makes a good point--I think. He will, undoubtedly drink more as soon as he is out.....(he will have a good excuse). He will not have any gratitude toward you---no matter what time schedule you go by. In fact, he will probably want you to join him in criticizing the "system" that put him (the poor victim) in this position.
I can't remember if the boys are his or not (sorry).. You have called them "my sons". His attitude sucks on this point. He should feel responsible for his ass getting them to their games, etc. (50%), at least---if they are your kids jointly.
If they are your boys from another relationship----he should understand that a mother's children's welfare does always come first!!.
SadinTexas....he is behaving like a typical alcoholic.....low tolerance for frustration, not accepting responsibility, self-centered to the max,----in short---much like a toddler.
Actually, whether you get him out or not.....this is what you will have to continue to live with...dayin/ dayout. Plus....a DUI always costs a pretty penny before it is over. And.....a lot of hassle......
Regardless of what you do...keep asking yourself the hard questions.....
dandylion
I can't remember if the boys are his or not (sorry).. You have called them "my sons". His attitude sucks on this point. He should feel responsible for his ass getting them to their games, etc. (50%), at least---if they are your kids jointly.
If they are your boys from another relationship----he should understand that a mother's children's welfare does always come first!!.
SadinTexas....he is behaving like a typical alcoholic.....low tolerance for frustration, not accepting responsibility, self-centered to the max,----in short---much like a toddler.
Actually, whether you get him out or not.....this is what you will have to continue to live with...dayin/ dayout. Plus....a DUI always costs a pretty penny before it is over. And.....a lot of hassle......
Regardless of what you do...keep asking yourself the hard questions.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Glad to hear you decided to go to the game. He got himself into this mess. It's time to face the consequences. And it is damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. If you bail him out, yes that's enabling. If you don't, you will be a monster and he will have someone to blame. But that is ok, they always blame someone else.
Just yesterday, I opened up to the landlady about my problems. She asked if he ever got a DUI, and I said no, unfortunately not. I told her I wanted him to get a DUI and sometimes even praying for it. Silly, huh? All I know is that I will not be bailing out mine if this ever happens.
Just yesterday, I opened up to the landlady about my problems. She asked if he ever got a DUI, and I said no, unfortunately not. I told her I wanted him to get a DUI and sometimes even praying for it. Silly, huh? All I know is that I will not be bailing out mine if this ever happens.
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The last DUI my ex got sent him to rehab rather than jail. Should have been jail.
But the whole time I could hear him screaming at his mother " why didn't you do something?!" Poor baby spent 2 nights in county. His dad is a Federal agent and he feels that they could have pulled strings for him. Ungrateful to the last. Between him and his raving addict brother, they have lined the family attorneys pocket to well over 100k since the 90's. Add in the new cars, rents, credit cards and paying the brothers back child support to almost 10k its mind bending. Sometimes I think some of them should be dropped on an island and made to fend for themselves.
But the whole time I could hear him screaming at his mother " why didn't you do something?!" Poor baby spent 2 nights in county. His dad is a Federal agent and he feels that they could have pulled strings for him. Ungrateful to the last. Between him and his raving addict brother, they have lined the family attorneys pocket to well over 100k since the 90's. Add in the new cars, rents, credit cards and paying the brothers back child support to almost 10k its mind bending. Sometimes I think some of them should be dropped on an island and made to fend for themselves.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 254
Originally Posted by dandylion 
SadinTexas.....ladyscribbler makes a good point--I think. He will, undoubtedly drink more as soon as he is out.....(he will have a good excuse). He will not have any gratitude toward you---no matter what time schedule you go by. In fact, he will probably want you to join him in criticizing the "system" that put him (the poor victim) in this position.
Do not feel bad about not putting up his bail, or putting it up whenever YOU can/feel like it...
Hugs and peace to you and your kids...
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
Originally Posted by Duckygirl1
The last DUI my ex got sent him to rehab rather than jail. Should have been jail.
But the whole time I could hear him screaming at his mother " why didn't you do something?!" Poor baby spent 2 nights in county. His dad is a Federal agent and he feels that they could have pulled strings for him. Ungrateful to the last. Between him and his raving addict brother, they have lined the family attorneys pocket to well over 100k since the 90's. Add in the new cars, rents, credit cards and paying the brothers back child support to almost 10k its mind bending. Sometimes I think some of them should be dropped on an island and made to fend for themselves.
But the whole time I could hear him screaming at his mother " why didn't you do something?!" Poor baby spent 2 nights in county. His dad is a Federal agent and he feels that they could have pulled strings for him. Ungrateful to the last. Between him and his raving addict brother, they have lined the family attorneys pocket to well over 100k since the 90's. Add in the new cars, rents, credit cards and paying the brothers back child support to almost 10k its mind bending. Sometimes I think some of them should be dropped on an island and made to fend for themselves.
This DUI bailout vs game dilemma is only round one. Other decisions will have to be made for money for a lawyer, penalties and new insurance rates. As will transportation for court appearances & penalties(most states suspend a license yet mandate rehab, counseling or part time jail in which driving to is forbidden since the license won't be reinstated until completion of the sentence) as is something as simple as searching for a lawyer. I would let and/or force the AH to handle ALL the details of HIS dui. Here he whined, complained but found a lawyer and transportation to complete their sentence.
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