needing strength
 

It's been 9 yrs and still no change. My DH is 34 and has been drinking since he was 13. His parents are (were ) addicts, his Father passed in his 40's and his mother is an AA aholic. she is toxic to him and when they talk he drinks more. He drinks beer 24/7 an 18 pack and hides shots of vodka or captain morgan under the couch or in jackets. He wakes at 3 or 4 am and has beers before work he then comes home to drink and watch TV or play games online. We have 4 kids 3 are mine ages 16, 12, 11 and our child together is 1. I'm at my wits end with this, "I'll quit I promise" nonsense. It's BS! I've been supportive this whole time and I just want to take the easy way and dip. But I've put my older kids through a divorce already and don't want to hurt them.....he's not abusive to us but alcohol is his LOVE. And we are on the sidelines. I'm so glad I've found this site. It's nice to see im not alone.

Hi Hope907 and welcome to SR.

Sorry for what you are going through. I suggest you search the forums here you will find much support in people who are going through or have gone through the same.

I highly recommend you start attending Al Anon the spouses of alcoholics are often codependents and enablers focusing much attention on the alcoholic in their home, and not so much on themselves.

Deciding what to do in this situation takes some time and refocus of energies off the Alcoholic, and focusing on what and how you want to live your own life. Alcoholism is progressive and it sounds like your husband has a physical dependency to alcohol based on his routine of drinking very early in the morning then throughout the day.

While you husband may not be "abusive" in the sense of verbal or physical action living with an alcoholic has many ramifications aside from physical and or verbal abuse. Alcoholics really aren't emotionally supportive or capable of participation in relationships or parenting. While you may feel the divorce was hurtful to your children, living with an alcoholic parent under the best of circumstances also has terrible effects on children that last a lifetime.

It's not the divorce that hurts kids but the adults behavior that is so destructive. Leaving isn't taking the easy way. It is the only smart thing to do when there are kids involved. Check out the adult children of alcoholics forum here and see what the lasting damage is to people who grow up in an alcoholic home. Not all alcoholics are abusive but by the very nature of their addiction they are toxic to a child's well being and healthy development

I found by staying I was hurting my children much more than staying. Thing is, it will continue to escalate. It becomes his bride, his best friend, and his child.

I hope you keep coming here to SR. There is great support here.

Welcome to SR!

If you are supporting him and things are getting worse with his drinking nine years down the road, you need to look within on what you get out the relationship and what inner drives you have to stay.

I think the lucky thing about being the sober partner in an addict marriage is you can make clear-headed decisions.

Welcome to SR! I'm really sorry that you are going through all that, and you indeed need a lot of strength to cope and clarity to see your future steps. He may not be abusive, but you are simply not his priority. It is hard to accept and understand. Alcohol will eventually become his everything. There is nothing you can do about it. But you can help yourself and save yourself and your children.

And divorce is not such a bad option after all. The consequences of divorce are minor compared to those of having an alcoholic spouse/parent.