Duckygirl1

A chef pal of mine called me up and invited me out for lunch today. He just lost his job and a promising potential relationship had just gone down the drain within a week. He just needed a friend. I have been trying to consciously get out more and re connected with friends so I was glad to go.

He has been through re hab a few times and was, last I knew, going to AA pretty steadily. At lunch, he started by ordering a Sam Adams. I didn't think much of it because for some reason I thought that was an alcohol free beer. It's not. Then came the next, then the shots. I started getting uncomfortable. I live around the corner from where we were and finally said that I had to go. I wasn't inviting him to my place to sober up. He would have just felt safe enough to keep drinking and probably pass out. Not gonna happen.

He said, well I guess I'll just walk around town since I can't drive or maybe I'll call (another friend) and see if he wants to burn with me. I said, you're still doing weed too? Dude, don't you miss being aware?" Thats, when he got upset. He said " aware of what? That I don't have a job? That I don't have a girlfriend? That I live with my parents?" I just said, "well, being wasted doesn't really change any of that either does it?"

As luck would have it, another friend walked up to us and I excused myself while they talked. Not sure when it started, but this is about 2-3 years sobriety down the drain so he knows what to do to get back on track. So tired of seeing people I love destroyed. Im going to send him a text later thanking him for inviting me out and expressing my hope that he gets better. I won't be going out with him again. Too sad.

lillamy

Ducky, you need some new friends. (Says the hermit.)

It's hard when social stuff circles around drinking. It's hard when your heart is still hurting from an alcoholic relationship. I hope you can find more sober company and that your chef friend turns around.

Duckygirl1

The sad thing is, I thought he was one of my sober friends. I kept getting flashbacks of being with my ex. Just watching the slow personality change, the complete focus on the drinking and the pushing me to have one myself and then me having to say no 100x.

All this did was reinforce my fear of ever getting involved with an addict even in recovery. These relapses are ugly. I sent him a text saying that I hope he gets better. To which he replied basically "to each his own". I guess that means he's fine drinking and drugging again. It's heartbreaking.

firebolt

So sad. I'm sorry for you loss (and proud of you) and hope he returns to sobriety one day soon.

HopefulinFLA

It really is heartbreaking. One of my best friends is an A. She used to be my rock, my calm in the storm. Her drinking has severely progressed over the last 3-4 years to the point where I won"t even answer calls after about 7 pm because I know she"s drunk. I just Don"t want to have convos with her like that. It triggers me and makes me feel so sad. I feel a huge loss and my codie side really wants to help her, bit she's not mine to fix, and she's not ready to change anyway.

I see so much unhealthiness in people now that I never saw before. Alcoholism really sucks.

Duckygirl1

He actually sent me a text at work today about 9:45 pm. It just said " I didn't drink today". I replied " one day at a time ((hug))". He has been sober so he knows what to do. Maybe something in him clicked. Who knows. I'm like you Hopeful. It was all too triggering. I was so sad when I got home. I'm waaaaay too leery of addicts now to want to help in any significant way. If there was ever a drop of Codie in me, it has died a long and agonizing death. This has been more like aversion therapy.

HopefulinFLA

Yep, I can relate to that!

I hope your friend finds sobriety again.

Hugs