soberclover

I've been sober for 2 1/2 years; he has not. We don't live together but we've been together as a couple for almost 6 years. I'm almost 50 and he is 55 so we aren't chickens but certainly not old. I've been focused on my recovery, raising my son, all good things. I have a sick feeling in my stomach tonight because he isn't returning my call and I already know it's because he's golfing and hanging out with his drinking buddies. He didn't come over tonight because he had an early morning work obligation (he also runs a golf course).I already knew I wasn't going to see him tomorrow as he has golf plans...with the same group. I have a really hard time with being stuck in this pattern....waiting for the call....sometimes it happens....sometimes it doesn't....I already know he is drinking and hanging out with his friends. And he knows I know. And so the cycle continues. But this time, I'm not really angry; I have this sick feeling in my stomach and I"m not sure why. I'm wondering if I know deep down this isn't going to work yet it is comfortable and I"m not in to the dating thing and much of the time things are good. I just thought putting it out there might help me figure it out

Liveitwell

That sick feeling is your gut. Follow it.

fluffyflea

What helped me was getting out of the habit of waiting for a phone call.

HHTexas

The sick feeling is so familiar. Your last 3 sentences could have been written by me. No magical solutions here. Just know you aren't alone

Duckygirl1

You know how this dog hunts. That feeling in your gut is the truth asserting its self past your excuses. Perhaps the lack of anger is acceptance. The next step is what will you do to protect your sobriety from his insanity?

searching peace

Congratulations on your sobriety! Have you considered going to an alanaon meeting? You do not deserve to have to wait for any call! Try and do your own thing and enjoy. If he calls great, if not you won't have wasted any time waiting for him and not getting on with your own life. Your waiting for his call might be a sign of codependency. You deserve better than what he is doing.

SeriousKarma

Ugh. There's nothing louder than the sound of a phone that isn't ringing. I wish I could forget how that feeling feels.

It sounds like you've already figured it out. Now it's just about motivating yourself to do what you need to do. Like ripping off a band-aide.

Good Luck with this, hon. I know it's not not easy.

soberclover

I sooooo appreciate the responses....I will be re-reading for sure. Thank you I need to motivate; nothing changes if nothing changes.

CodeJob

Have you ready Codependent No More? You might find it helps you assess your behaviors in this and possibly other relationships.

I think you must be doing a lot right for your own sobriety sounds solid!

knowthetriggers

UGH - that feeling in the pit of your stomach - I absolutely hate that.

For me I kept busy, doing whatever. If it was cleaning or playing with my daughter, anything but sitting and waiting or in my case pacing endlessly back and forth to the point I thought I was losing my mind!

So I suggest to find a hobby, keep busy, keep sharing, keep coming back

Slothy

Sending u hugs! Being in that holding pattern and going in spurts of hearing from them and then them disappearing is miserable and exhausting! That gut feeling is a protective mechanism! Sending u peace!!!

FeelingGreat

Hi SC, you know he's not sober (in his life) so could you assume he's not answering because he doesn't want to talk to you while inebriated?
Personally I get a little irritated if I'm out with friends and someone keeps calling me, or if my friends answer non-urgent calls. But I know everyone's different and that's just me.