My son relapsed; worse than ever...advice please
 

My soon-to-be 30 year old son was sober for 2 1/2 years. Relapsed. Went to detox and then 30-day rehab. Discharged two weeks ago an has been drinking on and off since. I travel for work and while I was gone my husband called 911because our son was so intoxicated and refused to go to rehab. I'm at a loss. This weekend was fine. We talked and he was going to re-enter rehab again. My husband just came home from work and our son is drunk yet again. He took him to the ER and he walked out. My son also suffers from depression. I'm lost. My husband is lost and most certainly our son is lost.

I anticipate that some may suggest we drop him off at a homeless shelter but I'm not sure what that does. It feels as if my son wants to die.

Thank you in advance for sharing your wisdom.

that is an extremely difficult situation....but you can't MAKE him be sober, stay sober or even WANT to be sober. he is after all 30 years old. Repeatedly sticking him back in rehab isn't working and is a waste on many levels, financial, emotional, even the other sobriety seeking clients at the rehab.

one thing that droppping him off at a homeless shelter does is purely FOR YOU....gets him out of your house, so you aren't housing and supporting someone whose main goal is to get highly intoxicated. while he has the right to drink and to drink himself into a coma if he's a mind to, he does not have the right to violate your home, your rules and your sanity to do so.

about the only drastic option would be an involuntary committment, but even that may not have the desired outcome.

i really feel for you guys, all of you.

So sorry you and your husband are going through this. This isn't a situation with any easy answers or magic advice that will make everything OK.
Anvil is right, you are allowed to set boundaries about what goes on under your roof. No one here can tell you what your boundaries should be. All I can say is, you and your husband should be on the same page, presenting a united front. And also that the boundaries that are effective are going the be the ones that you two are willing and able to enforce consistently.
I do Alanon outreach work at the local rehab and I think that the parents have the toughest choices to make regarding their alcoholic or addicted loved ones.
Have you and your husband tried any Alanon meetings? Online support is good, but face to face meetings with other parents in your same situation would be a great help.
Big hugs to you.