It's all happening
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
It's all happening
Well, my house is now on the market. I am hoping it sells quickly so I can get moving. I only bought it a year ago but the market has picked up so I am hoping and praying I make a bit off extra money for savings. That would help a lot.
I just heard from my MIL, it seems that my husband is ready to wrap up his 2 month long bender and check himself into detox tomorrow.
Apparently he is so ashamed and sorry for his behaviour and asked my MIL to tell me he loves me and our daughter and that he is truly sorry.
My MIL agreed to come and get his stuff for him.
I am still as certain as ever that moving away from him is the right decision.
I can't help but feel like his sudden decision to check himself into detox is somewhat calculated and manipulating. Knowing that we (his family and mine) are celebrating our daughter's 1st birthday this weekend, it looks somewhat better if he is in detox rather than continuing his bender while that is going on. And also with the news of the house being sold and him needing to collect his stuff. And us about to leave the state.
I guess I just see him so differently after this recent situation - I absolutely do not trust him at all. I probably shouldn't be so cynical.
I just heard from my MIL, it seems that my husband is ready to wrap up his 2 month long bender and check himself into detox tomorrow.
Apparently he is so ashamed and sorry for his behaviour and asked my MIL to tell me he loves me and our daughter and that he is truly sorry.
My MIL agreed to come and get his stuff for him.
I am still as certain as ever that moving away from him is the right decision.
I can't help but feel like his sudden decision to check himself into detox is somewhat calculated and manipulating. Knowing that we (his family and mine) are celebrating our daughter's 1st birthday this weekend, it looks somewhat better if he is in detox rather than continuing his bender while that is going on. And also with the news of the house being sold and him needing to collect his stuff. And us about to leave the state.
I guess I just see him so differently after this recent situation - I absolutely do not trust him at all. I probably shouldn't be so cynical.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by maybear 
I probably shouldn't be so cynical.
If he does something different for the next year or two then perhaps you will feel differently.
Sending you and your daughter hugs. Enjoy her first birthday!! :-) Special times.
Stay strong.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi maybear, I agree with you that this changes nothing. It must be awful for your MIL as well, but I'm glad she's taking his stuff.
If you have time amongst preparations, I suggest you photograph the more valuable items you're returning to your MIL, and maybe make a list and get her to sign for it. Not everything; you could lump clothes in together for instance.
When it's time for a property settlement, you have a record of what you've already handed over.
If you have time amongst preparations, I suggest you photograph the more valuable items you're returning to your MIL, and maybe make a list and get her to sign for it. Not everything; you could lump clothes in together for instance.
When it's time for a property settlement, you have a record of what you've already handed over.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
Thank you guys.
FeelingGreat, he has quite a lot of valuable instruments so that's not a bad idea.
I am starting to see him as sneaky, very resourceful and a lot smarter/clear headed than he has made out to those friends of his that have been in contact with him... I think he is manipulating everyone.
FeelingGreat, he has quite a lot of valuable instruments so that's not a bad idea.
I am starting to see him as sneaky, very resourceful and a lot smarter/clear headed than he has made out to those friends of his that have been in contact with him... I think he is manipulating everyone.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
And it also crossed my mind that he was just playing his cards right with his mum today so that she would get his stuff for him. Because I know he would do anything to make sure all his stuff is safe and well.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Maybear - I think you are doing the right thing by moving on. A's are very cleaver, well at least mine was/is.
Stay strong and keep on thinking that this is the best thing for you and your daughter.
Be proud of yourself, there are many of us who cannot find the courage you have.
Stay strong and keep on thinking that this is the best thing for you and your daughter.
Be proud of yourself, there are many of us who cannot find the courage you have.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
Thanks knowthetriggers
I can't believe all the stuff I've missed over the years in terms of the manipulation. It's like I've suddenly woken up.
He may not even intentionally realise what he is doing, like it's just become a second nature part of his responses to things that happen in life. I guess people can just become that way and that is their new 'normal'.
I don't know if I'm that courageous, but thank you
I can't believe all the stuff I've missed over the years in terms of the manipulation. It's like I've suddenly woken up.
He may not even intentionally realise what he is doing, like it's just become a second nature part of his responses to things that happen in life. I guess people can just become that way and that is their new 'normal'.
I don't know if I'm that courageous, but thank you
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by maybear
Thanks knowthetriggers
I can't believe all the stuff I've missed over the years in terms of the manipulation. It's like I've suddenly woken up.
He may not even intentionally realise what he is doing, like it's just become a second nature part of his responses to things that happen in life. I guess people can just become that way and that is their new 'normal'.
I don't know if I'm that courageous, but thank you
I can't believe all the stuff I've missed over the years in terms of the manipulation. It's like I've suddenly woken up.
He may not even intentionally realise what he is doing, like it's just become a second nature part of his responses to things that happen in life. I guess people can just become that way and that is their new 'normal'.
I don't know if I'm that courageous, but thank you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
It may be manipulation and it probably is. Eventually everyone gets close to running out of rope. He is far from the first addict who has waved the white flag to get continued support when the house cards caves in.
Regardless, his recovery is a long road. best to do whats best for you and your child rather than depend on him and I am glad you are doing that.
Regardless, his recovery is a long road. best to do whats best for you and your child rather than depend on him and I am glad you are doing that.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by maybear
Knowing that we (his family and mine) are celebrating our daughter's 1st birthday this weekend, it looks somewhat better if he is in detox rather than continuing his bender while that is going on. And also with the news of the house being sold and him needing to collect his stuff. And us about to leave the state.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
It is manipulation and he doesn't deserve your trust.
Originally Posted by maybear
Well, my house is now on the market. I am hoping it sells quickly so I can get moving. I only bought it a year ago but the market has picked up so I am hoping and praying I make a bit off extra money for savings. That would help a lot.
I just heard from my MIL, it seems that my husband is ready to wrap up his 2 month long bender and check himself into detox tomorrow.
Apparently he is so ashamed and sorry for his behaviour and asked my MIL to tell me he loves me and our daughter and that he is truly sorry.
My MIL agreed to come and get his stuff for him.
I am still as certain as ever that moving away from him is the right decision.
I can't help but feel like his sudden decision to check himself into detox is somewhat calculated and manipulating. Knowing that we (his family and mine) are celebrating our daughter's 1st birthday this weekend, it looks somewhat better if he is in detox rather than continuing his bender while that is going on. And also with the news of the house being sold and him needing to collect his stuff. And us about to leave the state.
I guess I just see him so differently after this recent situation - I absolutely do not trust him at all. I probably shouldn't be so cynical.
I just heard from my MIL, it seems that my husband is ready to wrap up his 2 month long bender and check himself into detox tomorrow.
Apparently he is so ashamed and sorry for his behaviour and asked my MIL to tell me he loves me and our daughter and that he is truly sorry.
My MIL agreed to come and get his stuff for him.
I am still as certain as ever that moving away from him is the right decision.
I can't help but feel like his sudden decision to check himself into detox is somewhat calculated and manipulating. Knowing that we (his family and mine) are celebrating our daughter's 1st birthday this weekend, it looks somewhat better if he is in detox rather than continuing his bender while that is going on. And also with the news of the house being sold and him needing to collect his stuff. And us about to leave the state.
I guess I just see him so differently after this recent situation - I absolutely do not trust him at all. I probably shouldn't be so cynical.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 7
My daughter will be one in a couple months too. Her A father wont be there. It will have been a month that we left. it makes me sad but if there's one thing that gets me through the day is seeing her smile, attempting to walk, squealing with joy. Enjoy her bday.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 314
Racumb, it's pretty cool isn't it seeing them grow and reaching those milestones...
I can't wait to give my daughter her first party. I am sad of course but I'm going to have fun and enjoy her day. I hope you do too!
I can't wait to give my daughter her first party. I am sad of course but I'm going to have fun and enjoy her day. I hope you do too!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: NJ
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by maybear
Racumb, it's pretty cool isn't it seeing them grow and reaching those milestones...
I can't wait to give my daughter her first party. I am sad of course but I'm going to have fun and enjoy her day. I hope you do too!
I can't wait to give my daughter her first party. I am sad of course but I'm going to have fun and enjoy her day. I hope you do too!
Enjoy your child, enjoy your life. Stay centered in that reality.
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