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I'm new to this site but not to addiction. My ex husband is an alcoholic and sober for 4 years. I'm now dealing with my 30 year son. His life has been going in circles since high school in which nothing is ever completed. He is currently living with my 2nd husband and I. He went into detox and his drinking the 1st day out. He is in out patient treatment and attends weekly meetings and AA. He relapsed again last week and missed a meeting and AA. I guess I need to know about handling this. I let him know that I know what is going on even though he lies about what he is doing. I talked to him today about the importance of attending meetings. He is angry and doesn't want to talk. How much space and time do I give him? I appreciate reading about how I am not in control of his behavior but I can't just ignore it ! Advice please
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Originally Posted by cbcdix 
I'm new to this site but not to addiction. My ex husband is an alcoholic and sober for 4 years. I'm now dealing with my 30 year son. His life has been going in circles since high school in which nothing is ever completed. He is currently living with my 2nd husband and I. He went into detox and his drinking the 1st day out. He is in out patient treatment and attends weekly meetings and AA. He relapsed again last week and missed a meeting and AA. I guess I need to know about handling this. I let him know that I know what is going on even though he lies about what he is doing. I talked to him today about the importance of attending meetings. He is angry and doesn't want to talk. How much space and time do I give him? I appreciate reading about how I am not in control of his behavior but I can't just ignore it ! Advice please
CD
CD
Do you attend Alanon meetings? I've found them enormously helpful!
The only advice I can give is a reminder of the three 'C's' of Alanon.
- You didn't cause it
- You can't cure it
- You can't control it
You may well need support in handling your own painful feelings whilst watching someone you love make a complete mess of their lives, and that's where Alanon and SR come into their own. Your task is healing yourself, not in trying to control someone else's behaviour (no matter how badly they may appear to need it).
(((HUGS)))
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Too funny. I just posted to her to start a new thread.
I don't have experience with an addicted child but if I did I would recommend you sit him down and tell him what you expect from him. No drinking, go to meetings, get a job, do chores. Just because he medically detoxed and enrolled in an outpatient program really doesn't mean anything unless he really wants recovery. It isn't something that will magically happen if he joins AA, goes to meetings or whatever. He really has to want it more than anything else in life. And he has to work hard at it
I don't have experience with an addicted child but if I did I would recommend you sit him down and tell him what you expect from him. No drinking, go to meetings, get a job, do chores. Just because he medically detoxed and enrolled in an outpatient program really doesn't mean anything unless he really wants recovery. It isn't something that will magically happen if he joins AA, goes to meetings or whatever. He really has to want it more than anything else in life. And he has to work hard at it
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Originally Posted by INgal
Hi cbc. I am going through hell and back with my 25 yr old alcoholic son. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I wanted to welcome you.
I'm sorry for the ordeal you are going through. I belonged to alanon years ago when married to an alcoholic and realize I need to attend meetings again. I just ordered codependency books to read and hope there are some answers in them. I just have to remember one day at a time! Hope both of our sons find sobriety .
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