Do they have a detox for this
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Great advice above.
It IS such a relief to find others who really 'get it', to find many who have walked in our shoes.
Al Anon and SR keep me sane.
Take care all and a warm welcome to the newbies. This place rocks and it is great to have you here.
All the best Phiz
It IS such a relief to find others who really 'get it', to find many who have walked in our shoes.
Al Anon and SR keep me sane.
Take care all and a warm welcome to the newbies. This place rocks and it is great to have you here.
All the best Phiz
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by daydreamer0217 
I am so sorry . I don't know the answer to that. It hurts like nothing I have ever felt before.. I have no idea how it happens, how we get caught up in it and before you know it, you are so lost in it. I was married for 23 years and have a great family life, I was president of our PTA, perfect life with the husband that had a great job and 2 beautiful kids. My hubby and I split amicably. then the a A entered my life after not seeing him for 20 yrs, we were high school sweethearts. and before i knew it, I was in this "relationship" with a man that had no job, no place to live, not paying his child support, can't drive, been to jail at least 5 times since I dated him. It was a disaster, and I wasn't the one that ended things, he did, I wasn't strong enough. I have had no contact with him now almost 2 weeks, and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. The pain and the hurt and the anger... all of it eats at you. Listen to the people on here, they are great. and I agree with what others said, anger really helped me move on. I realized I deserved better. I read, write and I goo for long walks with my dog.. Anything to free my mind from any negative thinking. HUGS hon
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern gal
Posts: 229
no ^ he wasn't a musician, he is a retired military man after 26 years of service, he got a great teaching job and lost it due to his drinking. He lost everything... he is sober now, lives in a sober living facility. and he found someone else and dumped me. I was so hurt. I spent the last 16 months being there for this man, whatever and whenever he needed, I was there. I thought I was doing a good thing by being there, I didn't realize how sick I had gotten in all of it. him leaving me was the best thing he could have done for me, but it still hurts , almost every single day.
I am so glad we have found each other. we can do this, I know we can
I am so glad we have found each other. we can do this, I know we can
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by daydreamer0217
no ^ he wasn't a musician, he is a retired military man after 26 years of service, he got a great teaching job and lost it due to his drinking. He lost everything... he is sober now, lives in a sober living facility. and he found someone else and dumped me. I was so hurt. I spent the last 16 months being there for this man, whatever and whenever he needed, I was there. I thought I was doing a good thing by being there, I didn't realize how sick I had gotten in all of it. him leaving me was the best thing he could have done for me, but it still hurts , almost every single day.
I am so glad we have found each other. we can do this, I know we can
I am so glad we have found each other. we can do this, I know we can
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern gal
Posts: 229
it is sad what we do , what we have become. but that isn't to say we can't be better. when you know better, you do better. we do the best we can with the tools we have. I let my XA keep me secret because he was on his 3rd divorce. He didn't want his ex to know about me. I cannot believe I did that. I can not believe I did a lot of things. and the money? oh lord, don't get me started on the money I gave him, and I was a single mom with 2 kids. Not my best moments, but it is ok, I forgive myself. He met a woman in rehab and promptly dumped me for her. she has since moved on, and then he started calling me again, I blocked him. NO contact = no new hurt. that is what someone here said to me. No contact = no new hurt
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ireland
Posts: 55
searching peace I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you are in, it is really difficult trying to let go. It 's helped me to read on the internet about trauma bonding, the really strong bonds that are formed in a relationship with someone who is sometimes kind\sometimes abusive. Also the book 'love addiction' by Pia Mellody. Alanon and posting and reading on here. I think active alcoholics hate themselves and project that onto the people closest to them. I've also found that it's really not safe to express my vulnerability to the alcoholic, he seems to like to kick me when I am down. Is he angry because you no longer live with him?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by sorcharuane
searching peace I'm so sorry to hear about the pain you are in, it is really difficult trying to let go. It 's helped me to read on the internet about trauma bonding, the really strong bonds that are formed in a relationship with someone who is sometimes kind\sometimes abusive. Also the book 'love addiction' by Pia Mellody. Alanon and posting and reading on here. I think active alcoholics hate themselves and project that onto the people closest to them. I've also found that it's really not safe to express my vulnerability to the alcoholic, he seems to like to kick me when I am down. Is he angry because you no longer live with him?
And you all are right and so wise! No I absolutely don't want to go back to living with him the way he treated me. I guess I miss the him that I knew before we were married. But I know in my head that man isn't real. It is just taking my heart a little time to catch up. I just need to focus on all of the bad and negative things about being with him. And then I will be happy not to be. I definitely think counseling would be a good thing for me right now. I found a great counselor, but can't afford to pay for it until I find a job. I guess the one positive thing is, this divorce seems so awful that it makes all the rest of the negatives going on in my life seem less negative. I got three rejection letters this week for jobs I had applied for. I know I wasn't qualified but thought it wouldn't hurt to try. I just need to keep trying. Thank you all for such wonderful support and advice.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
You will come out stronger and wiser than ever sp--you are moving in a positive direction and things will start to happen positively more and more if you honor yourself and your needs.
I think you are a great role model of change and growth
I think you are a great role model of change and growth
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
I was walking in town just yesterday and I passed a big old Victorian house for sale and thought how nice it would be to have that as a "rehab" for our team. The sad thing is that so many of us are the ones holding it together financially and family wise, when could we get away? I have come to realize that the so called family resources that rehabs have are not one bit for us. It's how to navigate the A and how to make their life easier. Don't expect any insurer to pay to help us work through our issues on an in house basis. Like CodeJob, I'm piecing together my own program with SMART recovery, a modified 12 steps, meditation, Mass, exercise and diet. My no contact is easy. I was dumped and he doesn't want anything to do with me.
At first start, I found anger to be very beneficial, I wasn't making excuses for his behavior or that of his family. I've let go of most of that. Most. Then I started turning my mind to what I want my life to look like. And in all that I imagined, Lo and behold, being tied to an emotionally stunted, man-child addict who more than likely has a few good relapses up his sleeve wasn't part of the vision!
You will get there dear one, you really will, but not if you keep holding on to something that never was or can be. (((Hugs)))
At first start, I found anger to be very beneficial, I wasn't making excuses for his behavior or that of his family. I've let go of most of that. Most. Then I started turning my mind to what I want my life to look like. And in all that I imagined, Lo and behold, being tied to an emotionally stunted, man-child addict who more than likely has a few good relapses up his sleeve wasn't part of the vision!
You will get there dear one, you really will, but not if you keep holding on to something that never was or can be. (((Hugs)))
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