new here and looking to vent, maybe some advice.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 5
new here and looking to vent, maybe some advice.
Firstly, I apologize for spelling and grammar, writing on a phone that hates me.
I have done a lot of reading and haven't really come across a similar situation to mine. I may just not be reading between the lines. My partner of 7 years is an alcoholic,the kind that drinks a bottle of spirits and a carton of beer every day. Who has his first drink at 3 am and his last at midnight. He's 40 years old, and has been this way for 25 years, give or take. He's fully functioning, works two jobs, is not violent, not manipulative, and most days I can't get over what a wonderful human he is .
He suffers from severe panic attacks, that often land him in hospital. I assume this is connected,as does he. He has also recently been tentatively been diagnosed with bipolar 1, not currently medicated, and has had add since he was a child . I'll get back to that later, trying to keep this post somewhat organized,lol.
I met him as an alcoholic, I don't know him any other way. I am not missing my real loved one, as he is is it . I do not offer financial support, nor do I feel responsible for him. I try very hard not to enable but I'm sure I do. Recently, he's had a lot of health issues, including severe panic attacks, severe bouts of depression, including a suicide attempt,he's been hospitalized with liver disease, atrial fibrillation that doesn't respond to medication, dehydration, I'm sure this is a all familiar. He's finally serious about giving up the alcohol. He's talked about it many times, but I know him well and I can see the difference this time. We can't afford private rehab, but he is booked into a public j detox facility in a week, and a following 30 days residential treatment.
Unfortunately, that is as soon as he can get into a public facility. Here lies my biggest problem. It was 3 weeks ago that this was organized, and since then, life has been crazy. He tried detoxing at home, as he didn't want to wait for 3 weeks. That lead to 2 more hospitalizations, one from a panic attack which resulted in him ending up unconscious, where he was given 5mg valium on an as needed basis, and told that he was fine to detox at home. The next was on the 3rd day of detox attempt 2, as he began to have recurring seizures, and was unable to keep even water down. This time, they told him to continue drinking in moderation until his appointment.
So, he tried to drink just enough,but ended up being rushed to hospital from work, where he collapsed and stopped breathing, due to a transient ischsemic attack brought on by atrial fibrillation, which from what I understand,comes from both drinking and withdrawal. He was monitored overnight, as it took a long time for the AF to be controlled, and they were concerned he may have a stroke. On discharge, he was prescribed 20 mg valium 4 times daily, to act as both a sedative and anti convulsive, plus a beta blocker and anticoagulant, and the Dr told him it was still best to drink in moderation for now.
We went straight around to the mental health clinic, to see if we could have his appointment moved up,and mentioned his medication to his case manager, who instantly freaked out that the Dr had prescribed these medications to an alcoholic, and said that drinking was ok, she basically said it is a fatal combination. Unfortunately, she also said that as he has cut his alcohol consumption down so much that he is no longer bad enough for the program he is booked into and will have to go on a wait list for a different one, which will take an extra 3 weeks or so.
What do I do?What does he do now?he's ready to change,but is being given such conflicting advice we don't know where to turn. His physical health is obviously suffering, and I can't bear to watch him suffer any more emotionally, he's falling apart, and every night he ends up crying in my arms begging for help. How
I have done a lot of reading and haven't really come across a similar situation to mine. I may just not be reading between the lines. My partner of 7 years is an alcoholic,the kind that drinks a bottle of spirits and a carton of beer every day. Who has his first drink at 3 am and his last at midnight. He's 40 years old, and has been this way for 25 years, give or take. He's fully functioning, works two jobs, is not violent, not manipulative, and most days I can't get over what a wonderful human he is .
He suffers from severe panic attacks, that often land him in hospital. I assume this is connected,as does he. He has also recently been tentatively been diagnosed with bipolar 1, not currently medicated, and has had add since he was a child . I'll get back to that later, trying to keep this post somewhat organized,lol.
I met him as an alcoholic, I don't know him any other way. I am not missing my real loved one, as he is is it . I do not offer financial support, nor do I feel responsible for him. I try very hard not to enable but I'm sure I do. Recently, he's had a lot of health issues, including severe panic attacks, severe bouts of depression, including a suicide attempt,he's been hospitalized with liver disease, atrial fibrillation that doesn't respond to medication, dehydration, I'm sure this is a all familiar. He's finally serious about giving up the alcohol. He's talked about it many times, but I know him well and I can see the difference this time. We can't afford private rehab, but he is booked into a public j detox facility in a week, and a following 30 days residential treatment.
Unfortunately, that is as soon as he can get into a public facility. Here lies my biggest problem. It was 3 weeks ago that this was organized, and since then, life has been crazy. He tried detoxing at home, as he didn't want to wait for 3 weeks. That lead to 2 more hospitalizations, one from a panic attack which resulted in him ending up unconscious, where he was given 5mg valium on an as needed basis, and told that he was fine to detox at home. The next was on the 3rd day of detox attempt 2, as he began to have recurring seizures, and was unable to keep even water down. This time, they told him to continue drinking in moderation until his appointment.
So, he tried to drink just enough,but ended up being rushed to hospital from work, where he collapsed and stopped breathing, due to a transient ischsemic attack brought on by atrial fibrillation, which from what I understand,comes from both drinking and withdrawal. He was monitored overnight, as it took a long time for the AF to be controlled, and they were concerned he may have a stroke. On discharge, he was prescribed 20 mg valium 4 times daily, to act as both a sedative and anti convulsive, plus a beta blocker and anticoagulant, and the Dr told him it was still best to drink in moderation for now.
We went straight around to the mental health clinic, to see if we could have his appointment moved up,and mentioned his medication to his case manager, who instantly freaked out that the Dr had prescribed these medications to an alcoholic, and said that drinking was ok, she basically said it is a fatal combination. Unfortunately, she also said that as he has cut his alcohol consumption down so much that he is no longer bad enough for the program he is booked into and will have to go on a wait list for a different one, which will take an extra 3 weeks or so.
What do I do?What does he do now?he's ready to change,but is being given such conflicting advice we don't know where to turn. His physical health is obviously suffering, and I can't bear to watch him suffer any more emotionally, he's falling apart, and every night he ends up crying in my arms begging for help. How
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 5
Nope, medical Dr prescribed all medication, and suggested to continue drinking. Mental health Dr prescribed nothing but was horrified by what medical Dr prescribed.
Eta, I'm confused too, that's why I posted I guess.
Eta, I'm confused too, that's why I posted I guess.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 5
I'm already glad I posted ,honestly, it's been such a crazy time my head isn't working the way it should be and his clearly isn't. For some reason, AA seemed like a second step,not a first to me. I'm new at this I suppose. I'll talk to him about AA, thank you for your suggestion.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 54
No expert here but would seek another opinion. Web search over the weekend. I know that sometimes withdrawal can be very dangerous cold turkey and maybe that is why it was suggested to drink smaller quantities-- at least until he was under supervision for seizures. Valium? Don't think a good combo. AA is a great suggestion. Do your research. Glad you found the forum as more support will come.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: carolina beach
Posts: 77
Similar story, with a few things different. Last major trip to the hosiptal the put him in a induced coma for a week. Wasnt sure how much brain damage he would have. When he woke up his cognative functions werent working ... A month later they released him. Its been a mess. He also decided to stop drinking for the first time ever. That was a year and a half ago. Hes 38 now and has been alcholic since he was 14. He drank over a 1/2 gallon of rum a day!!! He has relapsed 3 times now , all wich lead him back to rehab but not this time. His first 2 relapses were for the weekend after which he checked himself back into rehab ... First two times detox only. He also had numerous seizures, dehydration, malnutrition... Etc. Third time he stayed for the 30 day program, it went great! He got off his seizure meds and was only on his med for depression ... Fast forward 7 months of sobriety. He relapsed, this time for 3 weeks. Seizure meds were gone and he was going full force by the week 2. I Cant explain how i was feeling. Anyway, after week 3, he wanted to stop but couldnt. He is literally killing himself with booze. He no longer has insurance and when he called 3 different rehabs no one would take him. He wanted to die, solution to his problem for us was to call 911, he was drunk and suicidal... Once he got to the hospital they asked him if he wanted to hurt himself, he responded with yes, here thats an automatic 7 day involuntary commitment. Tbe hospital kept him 2 days waiting for a place in a treatment center to open and then they sent him there. He could have/SHOULD have stayed 30 days. He decided to come home after the 7 days , that was Monday ...
I dont know how it works were you live but if he is a threat to himself take him to the ER and tbey have to keep hom and put him into a treatment center. My AB knew thats wbat would happen and asked me to call 911, i did and he got into a treatment center immediately.
Im sorry you are going through this and wish you the best of luck. Its not easy but many have succeeded. He has the first step down, a desire to change. Thats where it starts ... My thoughts are with you. Hes lucky to have you, just try not to make my mistake and lose yourself. I just joined this site and it has helped me more then i could have ever imagined!! Wish i would have a couple years ago ...
I dont know how it works were you live but if he is a threat to himself take him to the ER and tbey have to keep hom and put him into a treatment center. My AB knew thats wbat would happen and asked me to call 911, i did and he got into a treatment center immediately.
Im sorry you are going through this and wish you the best of luck. Its not easy but many have succeeded. He has the first step down, a desire to change. Thats where it starts ... My thoughts are with you. Hes lucky to have you, just try not to make my mistake and lose yourself. I just joined this site and it has helped me more then i could have ever imagined!! Wish i would have a couple years ago ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 5
Thank you. I was thinking it might be a good idea to talk to another Dr, at least in the interim, especially regarding the valium as I do research things and nothing I've read says it's safe with alcohol. He's still talking about just detoxing at home, I am happy to stay with him, we have always lived separately, but after the last two attempts,and Dr telling him not to I'm a little concerned about it.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: carolina beach
Posts: 77
AA is a great place. Withdrawl can be deadly as you know. my AB had to be supervised for withdrawl at home was not an option for us. I hope he can get into a supervised place to withdrawl and a treatment center. Then get out to work a program.
Im so far from any type of expert, im clueless about what the outcome will be in my situation. I just know what we had to do to get him into treatment this last time. It might help you in yours depending on your laws there and if he fits the criteria.
Im so far from any type of expert, im clueless about what the outcome will be in my situation. I just know what we had to do to get him into treatment this last time. It might help you in yours depending on your laws there and if he fits the criteria.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 5
Shelliszoo,thank you so much for sharing your story, it helps a lot to hear from someone in a similar situation. We're pretty good about living separate lives,I've been clear from the start that I won't be living with him, just in case he does get nasty, or I end up consumed by his drama. As far as having an alcoholic partner goes I have it pretty good. He's one of those people who no one realizes has a problem, and are shocked to find out they've never seen them sober, he is a great person aside from slowly killing himself.
The funny thing is, it never bothered me when he didn't acknowledge the problem, and didn't have an issue with it. Now that he's pleading for help and I don't know what to do I'm finding it much more difficult. I was always ok with the idea that he might be gone one day, but the emotional pain he's going through at the moment is killing me. I think I will take him to emergency next time he's talking about hurting himself, and with a bit of luck that might speed the process up. He only needs to survive a few more weeks. His next mental health appointment was supposed to be when he goes in for detox, but now that that's changed,maybe we can make an earlier date and at least work on what may be sseparate from alcoholism, and get AA started. Might help him get through the next few weeks anyway.
Isn't it amazing how things become clearer if you write them down. Huge thank you to everyone who has replied, it feels like such a relief to talk to people who've been here or somewhere like it.
The funny thing is, it never bothered me when he didn't acknowledge the problem, and didn't have an issue with it. Now that he's pleading for help and I don't know what to do I'm finding it much more difficult. I was always ok with the idea that he might be gone one day, but the emotional pain he's going through at the moment is killing me. I think I will take him to emergency next time he's talking about hurting himself, and with a bit of luck that might speed the process up. He only needs to survive a few more weeks. His next mental health appointment was supposed to be when he goes in for detox, but now that that's changed,maybe we can make an earlier date and at least work on what may be sseparate from alcoholism, and get AA started. Might help him get through the next few weeks anyway.
Isn't it amazing how things become clearer if you write them down. Huge thank you to everyone who has replied, it feels like such a relief to talk to people who've been here or somewhere like it.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: carolina beach
Posts: 77
Writing stuff down has been a life saver for me. Unlike you I live with my AB, it was so different when i didnt. So different. I know its kills you inside to watch and see tbe pain he is in. We live on a small island, everyo n e knows hes an alcoholic but doesnt acknowledge tbe danger. Everyone loves him, we cant go anyplace without the omg, its so good to see you. Come out and see me stuff. Ive been chastised by his drinking buddies. No one sees the other side im left to deal with be it him coming home and being really sick, crying in my arms because he wants to stop knowing its killing him or coming home and getting angry with himself for drinking again. This is the only place i have that anyone understands. I have learned so much here. A place i can get help ... A place for me!!! I hope you get out of this what i am. Im also glad you have kept your own identity... I did not and i need to find it again.
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Can't he go to A.A meetings while he is waiting?
Originally Posted by nohay 
Firstly, I apologize for spelling and grammar, writing on a phone that hates me.
I have done a lot of reading and haven't really come across a similar situation to mine. I may just not be reading between the lines. My partner of 7 years is an alcoholic,the kind that drinks a bottle of spirits and a carton of beer every day. Who has his first drink at 3 am and his last at midnight. He's 40 years old, and has been this way for 25 years, give or take. He's fully functioning, works two jobs, is not violent, not manipulative, and most days I can't get over what a wonderful human he is .
He suffers from severe panic attacks, that often land him in hospital. I assume this is connected,as does he. He has also recently been tentatively been diagnosed with bipolar 1, not currently medicated, and has had add since he was a child . I'll get back to that later, trying to keep this post somewhat organized,lol.
I met him as an alcoholic, I don't know him any other way. I am not missing my real loved one, as he is is it . I do not offer financial support, nor do I feel responsible for him. I try very hard not to enable but I'm sure I do. Recently, he's had a lot of health issues, including severe panic attacks, severe bouts of depression, including a suicide attempt,he's been hospitalized with liver disease, atrial fibrillation that doesn't respond to medication, dehydration, I'm sure this is a all familiar. He's finally serious about giving up the alcohol. He's talked about it many times, but I know him well and I can see the difference this time. We can't afford private rehab, but he is booked into a public j detox facility in a week, and a following 30 days residential treatment.
Unfortunately, that is as soon as he can get into a public facility. Here lies my biggest problem. It was 3 weeks ago that this was organized, and since then, life has been crazy. He tried detoxing at home, as he didn't want to wait for 3 weeks. That lead to 2 more hospitalizations, one from a panic attack which resulted in him ending up unconscious, where he was given 5mg valium on an as needed basis, and told that he was fine to detox at home. The next was on the 3rd day of detox attempt 2, as he began to have recurring seizures, and was unable to keep even water down. This time, they told him to continue drinking in moderation until his appointment.
So, he tried to drink just enough,but ended up being rushed to hospital from work, where he collapsed and stopped breathing, due to a transient ischsemic attack brought on by atrial fibrillation, which from what I understand,comes from both drinking and withdrawal. He was monitored overnight, as it took a long time for the AF to be controlled, and they were concerned he may have a stroke. On discharge, he was prescribed 20 mg valium 4 times daily, to act as both a sedative and anti convulsive, plus a beta blocker and anticoagulant, and the Dr told him it was still best to drink in moderation for now.
We went straight around to the mental health clinic, to see if we could have his appointment moved up,and mentioned his medication to his case manager, who instantly freaked out that the Dr had prescribed these medications to an alcoholic, and said that drinking was ok, she basically said it is a fatal combination. Unfortunately, she also said that as he has cut his alcohol consumption down so much that he is no longer bad enough for the program he is booked into and will have to go on a wait list for a different one, which will take an extra 3 weeks or so.
What do I do?What does he do now?he's ready to change,but is being given such conflicting advice we don't know where to turn. His physical health is obviously suffering, and I can't bear to watch him suffer any more emotionally, he's falling apart, and every night he ends up crying in my arms begging for help. How
I have done a lot of reading and haven't really come across a similar situation to mine. I may just not be reading between the lines. My partner of 7 years is an alcoholic,the kind that drinks a bottle of spirits and a carton of beer every day. Who has his first drink at 3 am and his last at midnight. He's 40 years old, and has been this way for 25 years, give or take. He's fully functioning, works two jobs, is not violent, not manipulative, and most days I can't get over what a wonderful human he is .
He suffers from severe panic attacks, that often land him in hospital. I assume this is connected,as does he. He has also recently been tentatively been diagnosed with bipolar 1, not currently medicated, and has had add since he was a child . I'll get back to that later, trying to keep this post somewhat organized,lol.
I met him as an alcoholic, I don't know him any other way. I am not missing my real loved one, as he is is it . I do not offer financial support, nor do I feel responsible for him. I try very hard not to enable but I'm sure I do. Recently, he's had a lot of health issues, including severe panic attacks, severe bouts of depression, including a suicide attempt,he's been hospitalized with liver disease, atrial fibrillation that doesn't respond to medication, dehydration, I'm sure this is a all familiar. He's finally serious about giving up the alcohol. He's talked about it many times, but I know him well and I can see the difference this time. We can't afford private rehab, but he is booked into a public j detox facility in a week, and a following 30 days residential treatment.
Unfortunately, that is as soon as he can get into a public facility. Here lies my biggest problem. It was 3 weeks ago that this was organized, and since then, life has been crazy. He tried detoxing at home, as he didn't want to wait for 3 weeks. That lead to 2 more hospitalizations, one from a panic attack which resulted in him ending up unconscious, where he was given 5mg valium on an as needed basis, and told that he was fine to detox at home. The next was on the 3rd day of detox attempt 2, as he began to have recurring seizures, and was unable to keep even water down. This time, they told him to continue drinking in moderation until his appointment.
So, he tried to drink just enough,but ended up being rushed to hospital from work, where he collapsed and stopped breathing, due to a transient ischsemic attack brought on by atrial fibrillation, which from what I understand,comes from both drinking and withdrawal. He was monitored overnight, as it took a long time for the AF to be controlled, and they were concerned he may have a stroke. On discharge, he was prescribed 20 mg valium 4 times daily, to act as both a sedative and anti convulsive, plus a beta blocker and anticoagulant, and the Dr told him it was still best to drink in moderation for now.
We went straight around to the mental health clinic, to see if we could have his appointment moved up,and mentioned his medication to his case manager, who instantly freaked out that the Dr had prescribed these medications to an alcoholic, and said that drinking was ok, she basically said it is a fatal combination. Unfortunately, she also said that as he has cut his alcohol consumption down so much that he is no longer bad enough for the program he is booked into and will have to go on a wait list for a different one, which will take an extra 3 weeks or so.
What do I do?What does he do now?he's ready to change,but is being given such conflicting advice we don't know where to turn. His physical health is obviously suffering, and I can't bear to watch him suffer any more emotionally, he's falling apart, and every night he ends up crying in my arms begging for help. How
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