happymama22

long story short...my husband is an alcoholic, did an outpatient treatment program a year ago to deal with a narcotic addiction but didn't really deal with his alcoholism and has been getting much worse in the last 3 months. His dad died recently which set off his latest bender. Today he came home at 430 after picking our kids up and reeked of booze. I asked him about it and he said he had a couple of beers after work with a female coworker--(in his classroom which in his mind is totally acceptable.).

Driving with our kids after drinking has been a boundary of mine. I also had previously told him that if he wanted to keep drinking the way he has been he needed to go somewhere else. He didn't want to leave tonight so I took the kids and went to the store and a friends for a few hours. We're home and upstairs while he's downstairs halfway through a bottle of tequila.

I've finally reached the place where I'm just done. Even if he were to go to rehab and get sober I don't know that I want to stay on this ride. He was my best friend, a wonderful father, great teacher, and so much more but now he's just an alcoholic.

Where do I go from here? We own a home together, have 2 young children, and not much of an emergency savings. I don't trust him with joint custody and am scared of that possibility if we do divorce.

maybear

Hi, sorry you are going through this.

Do you have family you could stay with for a while? You and your kids?

I would probably seek legal advice as a first step. I don't know what the laws are where you live but I am in Australia - here, in matters relating to separation the court requires that you try and resolve issues (come to an agreement re house, finances, custody arrangements) by mediation first. If you can't come to an agreement together, then you go to court. You can request sole custody, then the court decides.

In terms of finances, are you eligible for some kind of welfare assistance?

I understand finances are a real issue when it comes to leaving so I would take steps to get some independence financially - i.e. Working if you aren't already, getting your own bank account and starting to put money away etc.

FeelingGreat

Hi mama, his driving while drunk, with the children on board is appalling. Don't expect him to acknowledge it while he's still drunk though. I agree with Maybear that your first priority is to seek legal advice in the first instance, to prevent him doing it again. You can also see where you stand in terms of staying in the house with the children while he leaves.
If and when he sobers up, have the talk with him. He may be more reasonable and make some voluntary commitment about driving, if you can trust him. If you're seriously considering separation, then it might take some time to organise your finances, find work and save, but you'll want to make sure the children are safe in the interim.

happymama22

Financially I'm ok...I'm a teacher too so our incomes are pretty equal. I can't really afford our mortgage on my own my own, but besides that I'd be ok without him. I hate the idea of having to move my kids. His mom lives next door to us...she helps with the kids and bought the house next to us a few years ago to be closer. She is wonderful and a huge part of our kids lives. She knows about his alcoholism and goes to al-anon.

I guess meeting with a lawyer is a smart step to at least see what my options are. We live in california. He has no criminal record and had one DUI about 10 years ago before we were together.