daydreamer0217

I have noticed a pattern of so many of you talking about your A's, men and women, nice when they're sober and mean drunks. Mine was the opposite. He was nice, relaxed, and funny when he was drinking and when he is sober he is quiet, uptight, and sometimes mean. Just an observation. It was something that I never understood, doesn't much matter anymore.

LeeJane

Hi DayDreamer

Glad you mentioned this. My AH is pleasant and laid back too when he drinks. When he doesn't he is uptight, anxious and not that great to be near.

When I drank, I was a mean drunk. Now as a sober person, I am nice, kind and laid back.

Funny how it goes.

Kboys

My xabf was like that too, when I was first with him.
He was not pleasant to be around if he wasn't drinking.
I was drinking back in those days too, so his drinking wasn't really a problem for me, and I never considered it at the time to be an issue in our relationship....
He passed away due to alcoholism in 2013, after we had been split up for several years.
He got to the point at the end of our relationship that the two personalities sort of became one though. He was drinking constantly at that point.

horsegirl

My xabf was a dry drunk , never happy, always crabby and quick to lose his temper ... Maybe it was the struggle he had in his head that made him so. No idea what he was like when he was drinking as he imediately split with me as soon as he started drinking .

FireSprite

Mine was like that too, for a while. He was super laid back Mr. Happy Drinker for a long time. It was also his social lubricant - it helped him to feel more charismatic & come out of his shell.

But as the disease progressed it just changed suddenly, like the flip of a switch. At the time I blamed the fact that he was hitting "hard" liquor more often rather than just sticking to beer, but that wasn't really accurate, it was just an excuse. Then the consequences of his drinking started to compound at a faster rate, driving him back to drink more heavily - an out of control spiral that kept feeding the disease while his personality disintegrated piece by piece.

By the time he actually reached out for recovery I had been asking, "Who the heck IS this man?" for some time, because he was so far from the person that I had once known.

Stung

Yeah, my husband is a pretty nice guy when he's sober - although he still lies like the Dickens sober or not. Before I knew that my husband was an alcoholic I was doing heavy research on Rage Attacks because I thought he had just sort of developed some kind of crazy mood swings. Turns out his mood swings were from being really, really drunk.

searching peace

Mine is Dr Jekyll mr Hyde. And the worst part is that I never knew he was drinking excessively. His psychiatrist was trying to figure out all of his "symptoms" I was seeing at night. The dr sent him to a neurologist and a sleep deprivation place. And when he finally tested positive for alcohol in a work required test. The psychiatrist that it made perfect sense with all the "symptoms" I witnessed and my stbxah told him. My question to you all is this...are your A's mean to just you or everyone else also? I'm trying to understand the part of my stbxah that are abusive and the ones that are because of the A. But it doesn't matter what the reasons are. The facts are that he IS mean and isn't getting help and is becoming more aggressive and more abusive and delusional. He isn't getting help for his alcoholism or the abuse. And I honestly, with so much sadness, think he wants to kill himself with the alcohol. I don't think he is happy with anything. And right now I am the easy target and it the easiest one to blame with no repercussions. .