Grateful for boundaries
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Grateful for boundaries
When I first came to these boards I used to wonder what the phrase "more will be revealed" meant.
For me, healthy detachment had allowed me to see what's been revealed.
Today I received a major medical diagnosis. It's not the end of the world, but it's serious. AH isn't drinking tonight, but he's focused on his own needs and wants, and what he can get from me.
...And that's what's been revealed.
For me, healthy detachment had allowed me to see what's been revealed.
Today I received a major medical diagnosis. It's not the end of the world, but it's serious. AH isn't drinking tonight, but he's focused on his own needs and wants, and what he can get from me.
...And that's what's been revealed.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Gleefan-
That must be really hard, getting hard news and also realizing that a loved one in your life is not in a place right now to be there for you in this moment.
More is always revealed, I am in awe of how open to the lessons and life you are right now.
That must be really hard, getting hard news and also realizing that a loved one in your life is not in a place right now to be there for you in this moment.
More is always revealed, I am in awe of how open to the lessons and life you are right now.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Maryland
Posts: 178
Gleefan, I too have recently been diagnosed with a tragic medical illness. It is also not life-threatening but very burdensome and emotional to deal with. I understand the addict's own needs and wants being met first before ANYONE else. It's just not fair.
But they will continue to put themselves first. They'll continue to ignore the issues and the problems by focusing on artificial happiness and doing things that make THEM feel good, whatever they may be. That is just the way it is.
I feel for you and my heart breaks for you over and over as it did for myself. I pray that you can find some peace and healing in this time of turmoil. HUGS- Do what you can in order to take care of yourself.
But they will continue to put themselves first. They'll continue to ignore the issues and the problems by focusing on artificial happiness and doing things that make THEM feel good, whatever they may be. That is just the way it is.
I feel for you and my heart breaks for you over and over as it did for myself. I pray that you can find some peace and healing in this time of turmoil. HUGS- Do what you can in order to take care of yourself.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Gleefan,
I know how painful that must be for you. You needed him to be there for you and with you through this tough news you just received. I hope you have others around you that can lend you support and comfort during this time. Please concentrate on yourself and your health. Prayers for a healthy and speedy healing.
I know how painful that must be for you. You needed him to be there for you and with you through this tough news you just received. I hope you have others around you that can lend you support and comfort during this time. Please concentrate on yourself and your health. Prayers for a healthy and speedy healing.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I remember that fairly early in my relationship with my second husband, I decided to have a tubal ligation (I had two kids already, knew I didn't want more, and maybe a little voice told me that having a child with this man would be a huge mistake). It was a minor procedure, but like anything that involves a general anesthetic and abdominal incision, it made me feel like crap afterward. He had to go out drinking rather than keeping me company immediately afterwards. I should have walked, at that point. Instead, I went through a lot more agony, married him, and went through some more.
Hugs, stay strong,
Hugs, stay strong,
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Gleefan, I am sorry to hear that you received a negative diagnosis but I pray that you get the right medical help available to you and that you find healing.
Your story reminds me of last spring when I my doctor found a lump under my arm pit and was scared for me so she ordered a mammogram and an ultrasound. The morning that I left my STBXAH said, "Good luck with that." And, then later that day he called and wanted to know when I'd be home because he had plans and couldn't help get our son from tutoring. I was sitting there waiting for the results in the waiting room.
I posted this on my FB page the other day: When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
Your story reminds me of last spring when I my doctor found a lump under my arm pit and was scared for me so she ordered a mammogram and an ultrasound. The morning that I left my STBXAH said, "Good luck with that." And, then later that day he called and wanted to know when I'd be home because he had plans and couldn't help get our son from tutoring. I was sitting there waiting for the results in the waiting room.
I posted this on my FB page the other day: When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ooh, you just reminded me of another one involving my second husband. I had to go back for a repeat mammogram and was scared to death because my mom had died of breast cancer. He didn't go with me for that, either, because he was drunk.
Ugh, the flashbacks.
Ugh, the flashbacks.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I'm so sorry about your diagnosis (and that you have to take it with a selfish partner). Prayers for the best for your health, and for a reciprocal partner. I know the stress of medical problems and having no help / support at home 
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I'm doing pretty well, but as I heard an old timer at AA tell a fellow who was having a good run in life, "this too shall pass." 
My recovery hasn't been easy. I wasn't one of those people who stopped drinking and then had everything come up roses. Sure, it was good not to walk around hungover, but I've spent much of recovery sore, tired, and lacking motivation. I gained 50 pounds. All of my significant relationships have come into question.
The bad times don't last forever. They come and go. That's OK. The good times don't last forever, either. AND THAT'S OK. In recovery, I'm learning to appreciate the good times, and let them go, too; it's the only way to make way for the NEXT right thing.
After years of self hate and emotional isolation, wrapped up in an alcoholic partner, it's amazing to me to be ABLE to reach out, and, when I do, to receive such warm, smart, loving support. Thanks so much. It means a lot.
My recovery hasn't been easy. I wasn't one of those people who stopped drinking and then had everything come up roses. Sure, it was good not to walk around hungover, but I've spent much of recovery sore, tired, and lacking motivation. I gained 50 pounds. All of my significant relationships have come into question. The bad times don't last forever. They come and go. That's OK. The good times don't last forever, either. AND THAT'S OK. In recovery, I'm learning to appreciate the good times, and let them go, too; it's the only way to make way for the NEXT right thing.
After years of self hate and emotional isolation, wrapped up in an alcoholic partner, it's amazing to me to be ABLE to reach out, and, when I do, to receive such warm, smart, loving support. Thanks so much. It means a lot.
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