Alcohol and mental health
 

I posted this in the Alcoholics forum too but if anyone here could help too I would appreciate it...


Hi I am posting in this forum as I was hoping for a bit of insight. My husband an alcoholic has been off on a downward spiral living at his dad's (also an alcoholic) place for almost two months. I asked him to leave after he relapsed. I haven't heard from him in the time that he has been gone. I've had a few contacts from a couple of his friends though to inform me of what a bad state he is in. Last night one of the friends contacted me again. She said that she believes that he needs to be put in treatment involuntarily due to his mental health. She said she truly believes that he has no choice to get better or to choose recovery himself because of how badly his mental health has declined. She is urging me to pursue this involuntary treatment option for him. I am reluctant. Can you tell me, those that have had serious mental health concerns - do you/did you still have a choice to drink or were you completely powerless? Thanks[/QUOTE]

I don't have any experience in this area, but just want you to know I am thinking about you and your family. Keep taking care of you. ((((HUGS))))

Was he interested in pursuing recovery BEFORE he spiraled down to the state he is in? If you were to involuntarily commit him (not necessarily an easy thing to accomplish, depending on the law where you live), the most you will get is to dry him out. If he didn't want to commit to recovery before, I'm not sure anything would be different once he's dried out.

People do have the right to drink themselves to death.

"Powerless" doesn't mean the alcoholic has lost the ability to have a desire to choose recovery--it basically refers to the inability to recover under one's own willpower. Plenty of messed-up people have dragged themselves into detox/rehab or AA with the willingness to do whatever it takes to get sober and stay that way.

Does he have parents you could speak to?

This seems like a big burden for you to carry on your own. Perhaps sharing this with others that care could ease all the pressure on you.

I agree with the other posts in that if he wants to live this way, he will.

I wish you the best xx

That's a real tricky situation. The inability to stop on one's own is basically when an alcoholic takes their first sip they can't stop. I am a diagnosed depressive. I spent three years trying to drink myself to death. Eventually I hit my bottom. I knew if I continued I really would die. So, I got sober and got help. I was living with my husband and sons at the time. No one tried to intervene. I was allowed to fall flat on my face. I needed for it to happen that way.

Thank you guys.
Lexie, i'm not sure he wanted recovery after he relapsed. He didn't seem to want to get back into rehab, rather he just packed up his stuff and left. He asked could we please keep the lines of communication open but I never heard from him.
Sasha, his mum doesn't want to help him anymore so it's really just his friends now.
I'm just not seeing how he is first hand so I don't know how I am supposed to admit him involuntarily. Why don't they do it since they are driving it instead of running to me.

Well, you're still legally his wife. I don't think total strangers (except possibly medical or other professionals) could petition the court for a commitment.

You don't have to do anything. I left my second husband in the firm belief he would be dead within a year or two from drinking-related causes. Seventeen years later and somehow he's still alive (and still drinking). I wish he would choose to pursue recovery--he's done it at least a couple of times--but I believe he's chosen his life and it's not my place to interfere with that.

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Powerless in recovery means that once I pick up a drink I can't stop but it doesn't mean I can't choose to not drink today. Recovery only works if someone is willing to stop drinking and I don't believe you can legally force someone to do quit.

I agree they should do it Maybear if they are that concerned.

I agree with everyone else who says that he needs to seek help for himself if he wants it. If he doesn't, it's a waste of time, energy and resources. I haven't been in your situation myself, but I think if someone came to me insisting that I take action on behalf of an alcoholic - I'd gently and kindly suggest that they attend Alanon. After all, they have a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend - the only qualification for membership - and they are looking to you to allay their own anxieties.

Sadly, many people think that maladies of an emotional or spiritual nature can be cured like medical ones; that someone can wave a magic wand and the alcoholic will stop drinking. Anyone with any insight knows what an unrealistic expectation this is.

I know I'm his wife but I have suggested weeks ago that they take him to the ED if they are that concerned however the girl that just contacted me has been driving the whole private rehab thing and has been in the ear of his best friend to avoid the public system and try and sign him up for private health insurance so he can go to a private rehab once the 8 week wait is over. I told them weeks ago it would be better if it is that unwell mentally that he just get help now but they didn't think he was that bad and could wait.

Fast forward to now weeks later and she is extremely worried and again pressuring me to put him on my health insurance (she says the cost is insignificant if it saves his life). I say it's not insignificant to me as I am not working and have a 1 year old. And she is wanting the involuntary treatment in the meantime.

Apparently he won't consent to signing up for his own private health insurance, that's why it's my job.

What a nightmare.


cost

If he won't even consent to signing up for his own private health insurance, why does anyone think he's going to comply with any kind of treatment???

No, I wasn't suggesting that because you're his wife you SHOULD do it, I just meant that's why they are pushing you rather than doing it themselves.

You could tell them that if they think he's in a bad way they should call 911. If he's bad enough, the EMTs will take him in for an involuntary hold, most likely, pending results of testing/observation. I believe that in most places, the hospital can commit him if necessary, but I would stay out of it if I were you.

I know Rosalba, it's crazy. To be honest, the girl pushing all of this has been involuntarily committed for her own mental health issues numerous times. Though not an alcoholic.
It makes me feel like running away, the more they are on my back the more I want out completely.

Thanks Lexie

Maybear, my 2 cents.

He is an adult, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

Don't let anyone guilt you.


You said there has been no contact since he left a couple months ago, keep it that way.

You don't need the headache.

Let her pay for insurance and/or involuntary treatment (or voluntary for that matter) if SHE wants it so badly. From everything you wrote, your AH does not sound interested in treatment or recovery.

Yes, in this instance, you need to ask yourself whose needs would be served if you did as she told you.

(Hint - it's neither yours nor your ex's). He's not interested in recovery, and your responsibility is to yourself and your child.

But it's not your job to sign up if he can do it. That's his problem if he can't do it.

Are you able to stop taking her calls?

Can you block her?