alanonette

So I'm sitting here listening to the nonsensical burblings and mumblings of my husband, who is fully clothed and passed out drunk in bed. "Heh... Huh... Whaddaya bobbedy doo... Wha... Mmm...!" I just want to go up there and conk him over the head with something so he just stops DOING that.

After 25 years of determination and hope, I am finally starting to lose both, and fast.

I have found a local meeting listed for later this week. I haven't been to Al-Anon in 15 years, and I realize now how much I need that cooling, sane, self-caring influence again. I am going to start getting my head straight. And then, I might start making some decisions I couldn't make 15 years ago.

Anyway, hi. I'm new. I'm happy to have found you.

Duckygirl1

Welcome! Sounds like a good start. No use in wasting another day much less 15 more years! (((Hugs)))

alanonette

And tonight, the first night I signed up for this site, the first night I start thinking about change, Mumbles the Clown decided to take a tumble down the stairs. I've been waiting for this to happen for months now. There he lay, in a heap, spitting blood, bellowing, "Noooo! I'm not going to the hospital, I'm fiiiine!" until I hauled him onto the couch, gave him water, and went back to bed.

After some reading here on the friends and family threads, I get the sense that you guys have little patience with people who are still living with alcoholics, and that's okay... I just wanted to talk about it anyway, since he's down there howling in drunken pain and I need to focus on something.

I just can't wait to start Alanonning again, that's all.

Iconoclastic

Hello and welcome!

All the 12 Step programs I've attended changed my life considereably. I discovered Al-Anon via Alcoholics Anonymous. Al-Anon helped me much more than AA get down to the causes and conditions of why I became addicted. Al-Anon especially help me with my co-dependency which of couse began in childhood. Al-Anon led me to ACoA due to me being an adult child of an alcoholic.

pinkpeony

Bless your heart. Keep posting here!

lillamy

Hi and welcome - and don't think we don't have patience... Heck, we've got it in spades!!! Me personally? I spent 20 years married to an alcoholic who became increasingly abusive. I can give you my 50 reasons why I stayed as long as I did, and probably 50 more from my Alanon friends...

I'm just glad you're here. We don't have the face to face advantage that Alanon has, but we're a pretty good bunch. Promise.

FeelingGreat

I hope we're not too impatient with you A In my 3 years with SR I've seen quite a few posters in this forum go from bullied and beaten down, to taking action and looking after themselves. They've disembarked from the crazy train, and it's heart-warming to see. Sometimes it just takes some support and a dose of the truth.

redatlanta

"Mumbles the Clown" Flawless.

I can see why you might think that about the patience thing. Keep in mind that you might be reading a member who may have been on her for years trying to disengage from their A.

I think there is a lot of patience on the forum - people here have been there and done that for longer than you have. There is no judgment. There is support and there is some real honesty here, perhaps honesty can come across as impatience.

alanonette

Thanks so much, you guys... I can see I was wayyy off on the impatience thing. I think it's just that I am embarrassed that I was trying to get well in Al-Anon 15 effin years ago, and here I am with the same alcoholic. I'm 45 now. I should not still be stuck. But I am, and I remember enough of my Al-Anon lore to know that you can only start where you are. I apologize for not seeing how understanding you guys are. And yes, honest too... honesty is good.

Part of it is that he was also addicted to pills way back then, and he has actually succeeded in getting off those, so I was distracted by those successes for several years. I forgot that there's been one constant throughout, and that was alcohol. And now it's emptied him out.

So - no longer any illusions about that. What I do need to do is put the focus back on myself and get better.

Thank you again, everyone. I'm grateful! Glad I found this place!

happybeingme

I am glad you are here as well. It takes time to figure out what is best for you to do and sometimes staying with what is familiar is easier than the fear of change.

CarmenLove

Hi Alonette,

I think sometimes this has to happen before any real healing can take place, yours or his (and there is no guarantee about his).

CarmenLove

I am also back in Al Anon after 10 years (different alcoholic though, although I don't think that makes it better!).

As I was driving home from my meeting last night I was wrestling with it in my mind. It's inconvenient to admit that I might also still have a problem! Might perhaps be a little codependent or have some work to do on myself.

I was sort of thinking 'well I am not REALLY like them, those people in the meeting, this is just a blip for me'

UMMM HELLO!!!!!

Isn't that exactly what A's do?? I think it's called terminal uniqueness.

So I realised what my mind was doing and I just accepted the situation.

And you know what so what if I am all those things. I actually quite enjoyed my meeting and I think there are worse things in life.

We all have work to do on ourselves.

Just thought I would share.

firebolt

Welcome - sending you strength, and earplugs

Lots of support here!

atalose

That's the sweet thing about our lives..............everyday we can begin again and take a new direction. We can head down a path we've never travel before or get back on a path we turned ourselves around on.

Glad you are here.

LeeJane

Warm welcome to you.

I laughed at loud at 'Mumbles the Clown'! Brilliant.

fluffyflea

maia1234

A - Welcome and glad you found us. We are a group of wonderful people. Sometimes we come off a little tough. But we mean well and want the best for everyone on this forum.

I too took a 20 year gap between my alanon stints. This time I was really ready after 34 years together, 26 married .

A year ago January I headed back, hitting 2 alanon and 2 open aa meetings a week for a good 10 months. Plus posting on SR. It worked for me. I filed for divorce through mediation, sold my home, divorced and bought a town home. All with the support of these wonderful people. They will support you in anything you choose to do, unless domestic violence is involved.

Keep reading all the stickies, post questions, go to the alcoholism and new to recovery forum also. If you do your homework, work on yourself, you will recover!!
(((((((((((hugs my new friend)))))))))) you will be ok!! (not sure about him though)