Just ridiculous.
 

Hi everyone!

I'm doing okay, STILL waiting to hear on jobs.....tomorrow I'm going to start applying for nanny positions, I figure I raised 7 kids pretty well and am a nurse, I feel pretty qualified to be a nanny for now!

Yesterday I got my hair cut and styled, got dressed up and went out to have a drink with my best friend here, who I haven't seen in about a year (she is a single mom with a deadbeat ex and she has to work 3 jobs) anyhow, I was looking pretty good.....had tight jeans on, thigh high black boots, a nice top and jewelry. And my hair was freshly done nicely.
I was on my way out the door at 10pm and literally almost physically ran into AH, he came over unannounced to drop off some money to my daughter.

He looked at me and wanted to know where I was going. I just said "out."
And he stood there and just glared at me while I walked to my car and got in and drove away.

Then I get these texts....-"say hello to HIM for me" "we are so done" "we are never getting back together" and on and on.....

REALLY? I finally got to get out of the house and go out with a friend??!!
Which normally would happen maybe 3-4 times a year anyhow?

And all of a sudden he's done with me. LOL. Cause he thinks I'm going out with a man.....
I can only shake my head and roll my eyes.

HE is the one who is out partying 5-6 nights a week, HE is the one who has constant everyday calls to and from a woman named Kendra (for months), and texts from her asking if he can call her at 10pm and can he meet for lunch tomorrow. And he's commenting on her FB page under a birthday pic of her father "Awesome dads raise awesome daughters <3"
He's the one who has Facebook messages to several of his young friends (all girls) trash talking me and boo hoo-ing about me to them, telling them all how beautiful they are, how he's glad they are in his life, how they help him get through....... (insert vomit here)

Yes, I did look through his phone after he came home a couple weeks ago and passed out, and yep, through his phone I broke into his Facebook, changed his FB password to "liar2015" and read all of his business.
Not a great thing to do but I am GLAD I did.

Because I am soooooooooooooooooooooo done with him and this mess.
Reading those things were the nails in the coffin of our flat lining marriage.

It's even more ridiculous because a few days before I read all of those things, he came home on a Sunday morning after being out all Saturday night (had no idea where he was or with whom, of course) and he came home CRYING. Got all huggy and lovey dovey and was crying, down on his knees, begging me to give him one last chance. Telling me all of these pretty words and sickenling sweet CRAP.

WHY do that all the while doing all of the other with the other woman/girls???????????

I just can't get over the audacity he had to go off on me for going out, while he's been doing that for YEARS!

So the last thing I texted him was "Don't get mad when I pull a you on YOU."
And then he texted me back "we have nothing more to say to each other other than making arrangements"

Is it weird that I'm not heartbroken really at all?
That I feel immune to feeling anything other than disgust towards him?

When he was crying and on his knees begging me for one more chance (after 10 years of "one more chances") I just felt nothing, like a stone. At one point I almost started laughing.

He is NEVER going to change, he is NEVER going to be healthfully sober, he is NEVER going to be able to be trusted, and he is NEVER going to be without a girl on the side. This is girl number 8 that I know of over a 10 year period.....
(not to mention all of his girl "friends") And yes, he would swear on his grandmothers grave that they have all "just been friends." Daily calls, hanging out together, partying together, complaining with sobs stories about your wife and marriage trouble to each girl.......MAYBE if you would have spent your time with your WIFE and working on improving your marriage instead of running to other women, you wouldn't have to be crying and on your knees begging.

Sigh....I'm so over all of this, just want to be divorced and be done with all of this.
It's pure insanity.

HUGS, pink, HUGS. I need it, too. You are a strong woman. Why do these types of men EXIST IN THE WORLD?

They never change.

And then he texted me back "we have nothing more to say to each other other than making arrangements"

and wouldn't it have been fun to answer : funeral arrangements? Yours of course, I'm getting on with living............... ( I know he's not worth the response)

Sorry, this guy get the clown of month vote from me.

You are going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better off once you get away from him.

(((((big hugs, Pink))))))))))))))00

I hope you got it out of your system, because messing with his phone, his FB, his emails, or anything else is likely to get YOU in trouble. We all know he's a piece of crap. Don't stoop to his level. You don't need to do it, and you don't need to give him ammunition. You don't think he'll have his password reset and realize you did something to it? However much he deserves to be messed with, there is no way it can benefit you, and it's likely to land you in trouble. Let it go. Be glad he's ready to walk--that's what you want.

For some sick reason, I needed to look, Lexie. I needed one more time of proof, I don't know why......like I don't have years of proof anyhow. This is my benefit: Just KNOWING in your gut that something isn't right, and being told over and over that you are just jealous and insecure and paranoid and crazy and a drama queen and making things up.....I needed to prove it to myself without a shadow of a doubt, one last time. Proof in front of my eyes that can't be disputed in any way. I also took pics of everything I found on his phone and FB. I'm NOT crazy, paranoid, making up drama, ect. It's not me , it IS him.

I told him I looked, I told him I went through his FB, and I told him I changed his password & what I changed it to.
I'm not worried about any trouble from it, really.

Well, while Lexie may be the voice of rationale and reason, i understand how seeing it in black and white , with your very own eyes, somehow, validates that you are not crazy and imagining this crap.

At some point , we have all been reduced and compromised ourselves and values while living with an active alcoholic. That is what can happen aboard the crazytrain.

So now you know , pink.

I also hope you know, you do not need his permission, blessing, validation, or to hear one more word out of his deceitful, cheating , abusive azz to be happy and go forward in living your own life. It's all you now, don't let your light shine under the bucket, my friend.

Thanks ladies, it might take a while but eventually I am going to be happy, I am going to fly and shine bright!

Lest you think I'm all holier-than-thou, I read my last ex's emails because he did not delete the account he had on my ISP account. I actually emailed a woman he was emailing with (I'd already told him I wanted out, so I didn't consider it "cheating," but I was still very angry with him for other reasons) and said he was a liar. Of course, he threatened to get me in trouble, and I told him to get all his emails he wanted to save and that I was deleting the account the following week.

So I totally get the temptation. I still can't recommend it. It made me feel creepy and stalker-ish, and also petty. Mainly because it felt like something he would do.

Like I said, I hope it's out of your system now and you don't keep it up. It really isn't good for you in the long run.

PP, you sound very healthy, with no trace of dependency on him left. You're making your plans away from his dominance, and his reaction is worthy of a laugh. Good luck with the job hunting.

Good for you going out looking fierce and blowing him off! I get the FB thing. Sometimes nothing gets through like seeing it in black and white. I have long since bored of the married men who would rather whine to and manipulate other women than be decent or try and work it out. It makes me appreciate our brothers here in FF who are doing their best to keep it together for themselves and their kids.

You are going to soar!

pinkpeony......thigh-high black boots....freshly done hair......

LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


DANDYLION

Yeah its called projection - they mirror their own actions onto you. They assume you will e doing what they do. Its very common and not specific to A's.

I always tell my friends if their spouse or partner is getting paranoid out of the blue making accusations of infidelity when there is no reason to think it its a RED FLAG.

Glad you had a night out!!!

Oh V O M I T. His little Girly friend must have had a date, too, and that pissed him off so he came home crying the other night. How pathetic. But Pink... did you really even need to look in his phone, etc. to "know"? No, you did not. You know. I hope you get some job(s) soon! Because you are ready to start soaring high above all this b*llsh!t. I can just see you swaggering out the door past him to the tune of Trace Adknins' "One Hot Mamma"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You GO!!!!

"If you won't let me hit you over the head with a sledge hammer any more, we are SO DONE." I get it.

I am so glad you are moving ahead and doing things to help yourself. Hang in there!!!

I so can understand this. I know exactly what it is like to be given the third degree for going out. AH didn't go out and party like yours, but he certainly let me know he thought I was cheating all over the place. It is so hurtful and so ridiculous. You sound really at peace with it, though, and more just fed up than hurt... That is GOOD. After a while I felt the same way... More disgusted and just exhausted with the ********. I almost found some of the crap to be comical sometimes.

You just keep doing what you're doing and keep thinking about the future. You are going places. I KNOW you are!

Hugs

Yep, I looked HOT. My face may not be pretty but I have a rockin' bod.
I KNOW he was eating his heart out!

Oh and also....he took off his wedding ring and left it for me on my pillow.

I threw it away.

Bye-bye!

lmao.

Oh, he's such a Drama Queen! LOLOLOL you GO!

Threw it away!? Can you sell it? Melt it down into a nice pair of earrings?