Tough weekend
 

This has been one rollercoaster ride of weekend. It has been a tough weekend. Everything is spinning out of control but I can't seem to jump off. Maybe I over think things, I don't know. I want to understand why I'm doing the things I'm doing, why am I allowing someone else to affect me like this. Why is his drinking my problem. Why can't I just say ... I'm done, later dude? Why do I give him another chance, why do I care? Head and heart are two different things, they need to get on the same page. Why do I look at him and feel sorry for him? Why can't I just walk away, why don't I just walk away? :c004:

Shelliszoo - I am so sorry you had a tough weekend!

As I recall you had some financial issues regarding moving? Has anything changed with that?

Can you get some distance, some time to yourself or an Al Anon meeting?

I'm so sorry you are having a difficult weekend. The only thing that has helped me is journaling and going back to read those entries. I know this is hard. If it wasn't there wouldn't be a need for this forum. Try and do something for you. At least to take your mind off of him for at least a little while. Do whatever you can, whatever it is to switch the focus from him back to you. I'm just so sorry you are going through such a hurtful emotionally challenging time. It will get better!!

SZ, because they have been doing it for so long. They know what to do and say to suck you in. I did it for 34 years till I finally got off the merry go round.

Even divorce I get "poor me" texts. I just have learned to say.... grow up, sober up and work a program. Then it takes another month till they try it again. Stay strong and work your program. You will slowly learn.

I'm sorry. It took hubbie four years of putting up with addiction from me before he had his fill and said "get sober or get out."

I have saved some money he doesn't know about. Not close to out if hole but ...I paid the rent and talked to my landlord, whose mom happened to die when my landlord was 17 from her her liver and alcohol. She was more then understanding and isn't telling him I paid and told me about the emails he's been sending about the rent. However, He found out I paid the rent this weekend and will take full advantage if that.
I really need to start a journal, I had one before but he stopped drinking so I stopped. He of course is at the bar. His son came over today, it was the first time since ge started drinking. So we hadn't seen him in 3 weeks. Hecwss going to stop drinking today ... That didn't hapoen, so ... His ex-wife came and picked up his son at his request after being here for about 20 minutes. He thought he was going to have a couple beers to ease it and that would be ok. I was nit ok with that. We have an alcohol free house. It was a mess, like never before. My geart broke. Then he went to the bar came back after about 6 hours drunk and playing the I'm such a loser. I need help and passed out. I went to dinner with a friend. He called twice but I didn't answer, I came home and he was gone. He Sat me down Saturday and asked for a chance. Said all the right things. I believed him because mostly ... I wanted to. But I kept telling myself. Ok, he relapsed for 3 weeks, that's not that long and they said he might, I believed ... I'm just kind of in shock. I thought he was going to be ok, he went tired rehab, He got sober May be just maybe he would see... I was wrong. My bedroom smells like booze so bad it makes me sick.

Its really 12:30 and hes still not home ... I cant do this anymore ... Who does this to someone??? I guess the question that is really important is who allows someone to do this to them? That is the question i really should be figuring out the answer to.

Shellie stick closely to the knowledge that words don't count, actions count. Next time he sits you down and says all the right things, think about his actions, not what he says.

Make 2 columns on a piece of paper. On one side, write the sweetest things he's said, the best promises, the most hopeful future he's painted for you. On the other side write down actual events. It will become clear.

You will have to be brave, but you can be.