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Seeing others in my family seeking to numb their pain

Old 04-11-2015, 05:11 AM
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Seeing others in my family seeking to numb their pain

Hello! It has been a very long time since I have posted not sure why it has been so long. I did make a decision awhile ago to disconnect from my AB who also has a severe gambling addiction (severe? are there levels of any type of addiction or would say addiction is just addiction? - Oh and the B of AB refers to brother one of the last times I posted the B was taken as boyfriend and that led to some confusion for those that read that particular post)

Anyway there has been lots happening within the family and most of it difficult and sad and none of which has anything to do with the AB though you would think that all that has happened within the family is ONLY happening to him.

It was because of all the difficult happenings within the family that by request of another family member I resumed communication with the AB. That did not last long and I have once again because of his behavior told him I am not willing to listen to his victim speak blaming everyone and everything else for why he has the problems and addictions he has.

Right now though the AB isn't the one I am wondering about, you see since all this family turmoil hit the proverbial fan and splattered everywhere about 3 years ago the past year seems to have been the most difficult and I have been seeing some scary behavior of how my other siblings are managing their feelings and emotions. On the one hand they seem to be doing some healthy things and then on the other wine and antidepressants, sometimes on their own other times in combination with each other, is their therapy of choice.

It's worriesome and it has been brought to the surface and openly discussed and though it isn't happening everyday it is still happening and everyday I whisper to the divine that they not follow that same path as the AB.

I realize there isn't a big question in my post and that I am mostly just sharing so whatever like-experiences anyone may have out there that they could share about this I would be most appreciative.
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Old 04-11-2015, 05:36 AM
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Hi Soul light!

My family - we do not have emotions. We manipulate and hide every vulnerability. Now after working on FOO, I realized my two grandmothers were personality disordered. Of course my parents don't know how to express emotions! It would have been suicide to admit to liking or loving or caring about anyone or anything. Now my mom, I sent her some information on borderlines and she started to think about her childhood. I figure she can dig if she wants. My dad, he is stuck as the primary sibling dealing with his mother and she plays him for all she is worth. She is apparently worth a lot ($$$). So, he has a lot of family manipulation every day from the queen herself.

Me? Live far far away. I did drag off a prince who sadly is emotionally withdrawn. Oops! You love what makes you feel comfortable... Until you don't. It took me 21 years to untangle this web. I am thankful I did but it was not easy. Many people don't want to work on their inner selves.

Take your recovery and cherish it and grow it. That is the best you can do. Hugs!
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Old 04-11-2015, 05:49 AM
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Originally Posted by CodeJob View Post
My family - we do not have emotions. We manipulate and hide every vulnerability. Now after working on FOO, I realized my two grandmothers were personality disordered. Of course my parents don't know how to express emotions! It would have been suicide to admit to liking or loving or caring about anyone or anything.
Holy cow, CodeJob--this hit me like a ton of bricks. I've heard the saying that ACOAs "don't talk, don't trust and don't feel" many times. I've never understood it until just now, reading your post. There was no active A in my childhood, just an abusive stepfather and a mother who is an ACOA who never sought any help, but the situation was extremely similar to what a child in a home w/an active A lives in.

A boyfriend commented, many years ago after meeting my family, that he had never seen another family that acted like ours did. I blew it off, what did he know? The details of those comments are still in my head, and they all make sense now...

This is scary stuff, even scarier than the A stuff that first brought me here.
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Old 04-11-2015, 12:44 PM
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When I realized I was ACOA, I was dumbfounded. I wish at times that it was titled differently as maybe I would have learned about it sooner, but one has to trust such gold nuggets roll into your sifting pan when needed.
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Old 04-11-2015, 12:57 PM
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When I read about Co Dependency I asked myself, "how does this person know so much about me?" My entire family hides from feeling anything and manipulating is a way of life. They put on this exterior of being perfect but I can see the underlying issues and it's scary as heck!
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