Questions about AA and Al-Anon

Old 04-10-2015, 01:30 PM
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Questions about AA and Al-Anon

So, after months of wavering and on the advice I got here, I finally went to an lunch-time Al-Anon meeting near my office. It felt ... weird? I realize part of this is my own apprehension and self-consciousness. There was a short reading from Courage to Change and a lot of sharing among members. So, I guess my question is - do all meetings generally have the same format?

Also, in regards to AA. AH has still been going to meetings several nights a week even though he's been drinking a bottle every night. At least he says he's going to a meeting ... in my mind, he's "gone" whether he's there or not if he's going to drink, and I'm fine with being alone with the girls to relax and have a glass of wine or a cocktail if I feel like it (I've told him I won't drink in front of him as long as he's trying ). Part of me wonders though (he's always been a home drinker) ...

Does it do him any good to go if he's drinking a bottle after he gets home???
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Old 04-10-2015, 01:36 PM
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Different Al-Anon meetings use different formats. The one you describe is typical, but by no means universal. Try different meetings--some will "grab" you more than others--either because of the members or the format.

As for going to AA while drinking, it can possibly help. I've heard people say that going to AA made drinking a lot less appealing, and for some it may finally start to sink in or they will hear someone whose story they especially identify with. It certainly doesn't hurt anything.
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Old 04-10-2015, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Wheresmyunicorn View Post
Does it do him any good to go if he's drinking a bottle after he gets home???
The require for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking, it doesn't mean they have.

Whether it does him any good remains to be seen. I was drunk at my first meeting and I have seen others that are drunk or have been drinking.

Some keeping coming back until they get it and decide to stop, others don't.

It is really between him and his HP at this point.

Many have the misconception that AA is so they can drink but deal with problems, some think that is is a way to learn to control their drinking and even others think that is a new way to live and embrace sobriety.

Either way, it sounds like you are doing what you have to do to take care of you and that is the most important part.
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Old 04-10-2015, 02:54 PM
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Hi, WMU--glad you made it to Alanon, even though it felt "weird." Some of us are fortunate enough to have the very first meeting we go to be the "right" one, the one where we feel at home. A lot of us have to try a handful of meetings to find one that feels comfortable. It's kind of like Goldilocks and the 3 bears--this meeting is too big, this one is too small, this one has one overbearing member who grates on me, this one is pretty good but meets too late in the evening for me on a work night...and THIS one is juuusst right! Not perfect, but workable and helpful.

So as others have said, try a couple more meetings--sometimes the one that's the closest to work or home or at the most convenient time doesn't turn out to be the one that does the most good.

To help you "get" Alanon, I'd recommend finding an Alanon book or two and doing some reading. It helps the whole thing make sense. "How Alanon Works" is a good place to start, in my opinion, and "Paths to Recovery" is useful too. Your local library may have these books, or you can often find them used on Amazon for a very reasonable price.

In walking through the doors of that first meeting, you made a big step. Congratulations! I hope you keep going back to Alanon and coming back to SR as well.
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Old 04-10-2015, 03:50 PM
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Thanks for the advice! I guess only time will tell how serious he is actually going to take this whole thing. In the meantime, I plan to do as much as I can for me and the kids and not make any big-picture decisions for a few months.

I will definitely keep going and try to check out some other meetings. I'll have to ask him for a schedule of the meetings he's been going to so I can figure out what nights/times I can go other than lunch lol!

I did order a couple of used books to read that I saw at the meeting on how it works and specifically on being married to an alcoholic. I'm also sampling a couple others on my Kindle over the weekend - I don't know what I ever did without my wonderful Kindle; it's kept me occupied in so many ways in the evenings after the kids go to bed
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