Abusive Relationships

Old 04-14-2015, 08:12 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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My son's father didn't even drink and did a lot of this. My favorite (tongue in cheek), silent treatment for 3 weeks at a time while trying to shop or pay bills or care for the baby. And why would it start? For talking to my mom too long or not cooking something properly, etc. thank god he didn't drink.

And I don't miss it.
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Old 04-14-2015, 08:29 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Just got Why Does He Do That, kindle edition, the first book. I think that alcohol only lowers inhibition and the beast comes out. We should not blame everything on alcohol, should we?

Many many thanks!
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:08 AM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by searching peace View Post
I have a question for you. Did any of you go no contact with your abuser? Mine is at the stage of talking about me and spewing garbage and lies about me to family, his friends his co workers,
Etc. So in wondering if I don't talk to him or text him, will he forget about me and stop blaming me and just move on with his life?
Reading the book and found this I wanted to share with you, searching peace (and everybody else, of course):

"SHE IS STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR MY FEELINGS AND WELL-BEING"

In the abusive man's self-serving value system, the woman may be responsible for his needs and feelings after she declares that she isn't his partner anymore. So if he loses his job, or his new fling doesn't work out, or his mother gets ill, he still feels entitled to have her take care of him emotionally. In particular, he tends to make her endlessly responsible for his hurt feelings from their relationship or from their breakup.
So, no contact? Why not?
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Old 04-15-2015, 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted by healthyagain View Post
Reading the book and found this I wanted to share with you, searching peace (and everybody else, of course): So, no contact? Why not?
Yup. Just separated and he is wanting hugs. To deal with the pain...of being so miserable... due to being married to me because I'm always so mean to him...hmmm...
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Old 04-15-2015, 09:15 AM
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Mine keeps saying after the divorce he will "put me and my children somewhere to live". I just look at him and say "no thank you" he gets furious and says I'm being so stupid. In my head I just think 'you will not have any control over me once we are divorced' I even say to him that I wouldn't feel right to have anyone pay for my things if I am not married to them. He also has it in his head that after the divorce we will remain friends 'as in have sex with me whenever he wants to' and still do whatever he wants with anyone else he wants to. He wants no responsibility and still all of the control.
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