Sungrl

I wish I had that kind of super power. I would stop making my xab drink though.

I would lean more towards making a him employed and a productive member of society.

Why didn't we all think of this sooner?? Let's make a pact. We all use that same control we have over their drinking, to make them more like George Clooney.

Are you all with me??

SadInTX

Sungrl: that was sooo funny! I sure needed to laugh. Thank you. Thank you everyone for posting your opinions and experience. Once again last night I was the one in the wrong and he drank in the garage, upset with everything I did or said. He demands that I go get counseling (already had appointment scheduled) and work on my issues. But he will never go for himself. I miss how it used to be with us...we were so happy. I was telling my friend yesterday that I think I am mourning the loss of the person that I thought he was...how it used to be...

GracieLou

You are. There is a grief process that happens, at least that is how it was for me.

Mine was never sober for long. I didn't miss the real person because I never knew him, he does not even know him, but I did miss the man I saw the potential for him to be.

cookiesncream

I haven't kept up with your whole situation so my apologies in advance. Look quickly I'll say this. I quite candidly pulled the excuse that I was drinking BECAUSE of my s/o's behavior. I blamed blamed blamed. Nobody is a saint. The fact of the matter is that I stopped learning healthy coping skills for LIFE and I used alcohol as a crutch. Eventually that crutch turned into addiction. I've amazingly found ways to cope without alcohol in sobriety. All of the same things I couldn't cope with without alcohol? Ya know its been 14 months now and I am tackling all the issues I was escaping and I'm doing it SOBER. That said I don't care what you're doing, he's using alcohol as a crutch and a cop out.

Rosalba

I can't really add much to what others have said, apart from the three 'C's' of Alanon:

We didn’t cause it – it is not our fault that the other person drinks, it is their private battle
We can’t control it – we have no power over the other person's desire to drink
We can’t cure it – it is an illness that cannot be cured through any known medical remedies

My XABF used to blame me for his drinking ect yak and blah - but got absolutely livid when I responded that he, and he alone, is responsible for his own actions; just as I, and I alone, am responsible for mine. Just because he refuted it doesn't mean it isn't true!

hopeful4

If I had a dollar every time my X had told me I cause him to drink! I would be a rich woman.

We are now divorced, he is still drinking. Wonder who he is blaming it on now!