Is He On A Binge , or ignoring me for other reason?
 

I am still "involved" with this guy. At least I thought I was.

This is the previous thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-drinker.html

Basically a friend/ lover with alcohol dependency who really abused me very very severely over text messaging one night after getting drunk. Told me to go die etc. because I went back on a decision to let him move in with me after I saw him spitting on his carpet and pissing out his window while drunk

A few days after i made this post , I decided to give him another chance.everyone deserves another chance don't they? I just missed him. Despite that drinking he does have some special qualities.

We went out a few nights later dancing and both had an amazing night. Things were going great. He was really into me, saying how much he likes me. He asked me out for two weekends later.

He rang me the Sunday before easter to confirm that yes we are going out easter weekend for another night on the town. I'm not a massive drinker, he is, but we are both into dancing.

Anyway I texted him the next day, Monday about something, and got no response. I texted Tuesday and no response.

Tuesday night he sent a reply saying "maybe" and then some random Beatles song title. He is normally a massive texter, sends hundreds in a night .

When he is on music videos on YouTube I know he is drinking . He ignored any reply I made . I said to him that I could feel him disappearing on me. And I said you are always full on about me then you disappear and won't speak. ( I find that hard to deal with )

I texted him Thursday, no response. I texted Friday asking him and said hey are we still going out this weekend, no response. I then just started getting irate, like what's happened to you?

I started actually worrying that he has drunk himself to death , as he lives alone. He just moved into a new flat the day before I last spoke to him - and I don't know where it is so couldn't go and check on him.

No matter what I said, no matter how worried I sounded he wouldn't reply. I ended up asking one of his friends if he is ok , and he confirmed he had received one text last night

Anyway I ended up apologising yesterday over text for sending so many concerned texts ( probably 45 over 7 days) but he sends hundreds sometimes so not toooo concerned over that maybe?

Still no response. I've tried calling, and he won't answer.

It's school holidays here and I know he probably won't be getting much work.

I am just at a loss as to why he won't speak to me, and I still don't know if he is at home drinking heavily or feeling down. He just won't answer. It's really upsetting to me, as we haven't actually had an argument, all I did was text too much expressing concern, and wanting to arrange our weekend date that was actually all his idea. He was so incredibly keen to go

I just don't know what to do. I have apologised for over texting and since I didn't say anything bad, not like when he sent me those abusive texts, I thought he would be ok and forgive me.

It just occurred to me today that he might be drinking and I just wonder if I should just forget this guy. He is so keen to do things when he calls me up drunk, and asks me out, and tells me how into me he is, but then he just fades in the following days.

Can anyone help me. I sent myself crazy worrying that I texted too much but I am not even sure if it's the real issue. He just won't reply ! It's been 8 days since I received a text from him and 10 days since we spoke . That's unusual . I thought if he didn't want to hear from me, he owls at least text saying something along the lines of "go away" . So I feel like he is messing with my head as well. The silence is awful.

Personally I'd thank my lucky stars. Are you really sure you want this relationship? Alcohol brings out the real nasty side in a whole lot of us.

As to the lack of response there could be numerous reasons. If it were me I'd block the person calling/texting as opossed to ignoring them especially if I were drinking at the time.

Yeah I don't think I'm blocked, it's still ringing and doing it's normal thing.

To be honest I don't know what I want.

He just has got me so much in knots trying to get him respond, I don't even know what I want anymore. I want someone consistent, he is keen one day and disappears the next, and now it's 10 days. I texted him saying he is hot and cold, he might be pissed off about that. I also smashed my phone screen and have lost all the photos of us and the thousands of nice messages he sent over the past year. I'm basically just a hot mess right now. In tears. Can't get the photos back, have tried.

Tuesday, your thread title, "Is he on a binge or ignoring me for other reasons?", cuts to the heart of the things. Does it really matter whether he's on a binge or ignoring you for other reasons? Does a friend/lover who truly cares about you totally ignore you for 8 days for any reason?

I've seen it said here "Don't make someone a priority when you're only an option to them." It sounds like you are totally optional...and also like you're looking for the one who hurt you to be the one to heal you. Unfortunately, the healing you need will not come from the one who did the damage in the first place. Wishing you strength and clarity.

a man who is that much into you ask you out for a few days later not two weekends later. Sounds like he might have a girlfriend or date other women.
A man who is into you does not answer your texts almost two days later with one word and a song.

I think that rather than ask why he is ignoring you and what are his motivations it might be wiser to ask yourself:
Why am I chasing (because that's what you are doing with your unanswered texts) after a guy who treats me like garbage?
Don't you think that you deserve better?

That's really interesting, thankyou.

I did mean that the other reason might have been that i bombarded him with 50 texts in a week, meaning the reason might be MY fault. Things seemed good until I freaked out that he had kind of disappeared again

HI Tuesday, as you probably knew before, he switches it on and off at will. My guess is that he's drinking, doesn't want to send you abusive messages so just isn't replying at all. This is who he is; if you continue to look on him as a potential mate, this is your future.

Just the first weekend was the weekend he was moving house that's why it was in two weekends later.

Why am I chasing a man who treats me like garbage? I have no idea. When we were just friends I never got this head game stuff from him. Things just changed when we slept together a month ago . I've clearly got to stop caring because he isn't consistent . He's hot and cold. How can he look at a weeks messages and say nah not going to bother. I was worried about his wellbeing by day 7 of him disappearing and he still didn't bother sending a measly text

You are right though. He doesn't care about me, if he did he wouldn't ignore me for 8 days, especially as I got quite worried

The truly hard part about getting the silent treatment is the not knowing.

I hadn't really thought that he might be avoiding sending abusive messages

Tuesday, I would urge to step away from the craziness and take good care of yourself.

It's made me feel crazy. Wondering why he would just blank me,not replying to anything. And texting, just doesn't help. It's like texting to a black hole. ANd then you realise too late that he has disappeared

I don't want to sound mean but 50 texts? That's obsessive and crazy. We know he is a drunk that's a given but maybe instead of focusing on him you should try to see why you are so obsessed and desperate.
Whatever issues you have you need to work on so you can have healthy relationships with decent men down the line.
You deserve to be well treated but you need to value yourself first :hug:

I just wanted to add that if I was seeing someone casually (meaning beginning of relationship, we were intimate but we are not engaged or anything) getting bombarded with texts like that would really scare me and I would think of him as a potential "psycho stalker" and do my best to avoid him.
While women in general like to have some closure, a lot of guys are more cowardly (especially if they feel they are being pressured) and will opt for the vanishing act.
I really wish we had more guys on this side of SR so you could get it straight from the horse's mouth.
I know that getting rejected hurts and it is very tempting to blame it on alcoholism or whatever else needs to be fixed in a guy rather than face the bleak truth that someone was not as into us as we were into them... that's quite a blow to the ego but seriously, that could have happened with a normie too.

Oh that 50 texts was over 7 days, and he can sometimes text me that many in one single hour

We have been just friends for two years before this and he is a big texter for a guy, so I am not sure if he even thinks I have texted too much. He often will send me 50 texts in just one night even if I don't reply and am asleep

That's still way too many unanswered texts. Most men don't like to be chased after. A bit of initiative and asking a guy out or giving him a ring is fine but blowing off his phone while he is not answering you?
Plus at least he has the excuse of being a drunk..some drunk dial others drunk text. You are sober LOL
Anyway, it s past my bed time.

Good luck to you and start loving yourself ok?

Yes I have to let it go,he knows I have been worried about him so what more can I do?

He is not an average guy with regard to texting . He is often telling me people are complaining he texts too much, and he just shrugs it off. So although I am a little worried about that , he is a huge texter himself, much much more than me. So he can't really complain about me given his ability to text rapid fire

I decided to give him another chance.everyone deserves another chance don't they?

Nope. Everyone does not deserve a second chance and unfortunately most will get a hundred rather than one more.

It is odd behavior, but then again you did cancel the move in. My guess, there is some retribution for that. I doubt he is feeling down, I doubt he is just sitting at home doing nothing. And I really doubt its the last time you hear from him. Be prepared for a text as if nothing happened. Or, a more creative excuse......like....

I had Dengue fever and I didn't want to worry you
I was kidnapped by aliens they just returned me to earth
My mother was sick and I had to fly to (fill in the blank) and didn't have cell reception
My rheumatoid Arthritis flared up and I was unable to type on my phone
I cracked the screen on my phone, but I sent a message to you via carrier pigeon, you didn't get it?
I am in the witness protection program

Or the really unbelievable....

I am an alcoholic. I have been on a bender. I am also pissed off you didn't let me move in. because you didn't I am gonna get you back. I don't have to actually come through with the plans I make with you. I don't own you anything. You get in the way of my drinking and that comes first. I didn't remember I made plans with you for Easter weekend because I was drunk when I called/texted. On top of that I had an opportunity to get drunk and and high with some like minded people who don't care if I **** out the window.

Move along. No fun here for you just a hassle and disappointment.

Oh redatlanta thankyou so much you really cheered me up :) the reasons why he hasn't contacted are funny, thanks.

You are absolutely right. I remember now when he rang me that Sunday which was the day after he moved in to his flat (instead of my house) I asked him how it was (the flat) he said it wasn't good, and it was "crappy"

I felt bad and he sounded down, but at the same time I know he likes his own space anyway and so I didn't think about it much after that .

Geez your post has made everything so clear. I should have realised.

The last day we spoke was his first day in his "crappy " flat and he is paying me back. When he was going to move in here he said a few weeks ago that my house is beautiful, and like luxury compared where he was living .

I understand now what might be going on and why he won't speak to me.

But my instinct was really strong to not let him move in, but we were still friends