Is He On A Binge , or ignoring me for other reason?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Tuesday1969 
He won't even text me to say hey we're done.
I think it would just spark a cyclical conversation that goes nowhere.
He's shown you who he is....same kind of person who disappears w/o so much as a word.
Closure is something you will have to find for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
He is 44. I want a guy that age , but they seem to come with a lot of baggage, judging by teh last 2 guys before him I dated. All either divorced or scarred from relationships.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
This breaks my heart as I'm pretty much gone through it too. He can call me a ****, miserable bitxh, crazy, abandon mr at hospital after heart surgery, etc but if I so much as lash out I'm shut out and he acts like hes better than me. He should be the one putting the effort (so should yours) I don't know why they do it but trust me you don't want to be a recipient for years. You will end up depressed and hating men. Find someone that is less toxic. Its not you, its him. You need a mature man that can communicate with you. I know you have had two years with him and will miss him but its worth the pain of missing him to avoid a future of this. He's not going to change.
Mine also got drunk on a date and whipped his out in public to pee. Also brought beer on a hike. What the hell was I thinking. My closure is they are too idiotic to make good choices and will do anything to avoid their feelings. You don't need this hun. Message me if u like.
Mine also got drunk on a date and whipped his out in public to pee. Also brought beer on a hike. What the hell was I thinking. My closure is they are too idiotic to make good choices and will do anything to avoid their feelings. You don't need this hun. Message me if u like.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
I've been stalking this thread and haven't made a comment, but I think I will now.
Honey, the one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that rejection SUCKS. It hurts so bad not knowing WHY we aren't good enough for these people!!!! I have begged and pleaded with God and AH to tell me how to fix myself so that I am loveable. Why would this person NOT text?? Why would this person NOT give me closure??? At least some damn closure!
You are setting expectations that are NOT achievable for this man. It IS perplexing why they are behaving like this... But it is NOT your responsibility to figure HIM out. Truth be told, if you were a sucker (like a lot of us on here have been) he would be ALL over you. That's how this disease works.
Now is the time to start figuring YOURSELF out instead of trying to figure HIM out.
Who knows, maybe he'll come around and get some help... Maybe not.
Honey, the one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that rejection SUCKS. It hurts so bad not knowing WHY we aren't good enough for these people!!!! I have begged and pleaded with God and AH to tell me how to fix myself so that I am loveable. Why would this person NOT text?? Why would this person NOT give me closure??? At least some damn closure!
You are setting expectations that are NOT achievable for this man. It IS perplexing why they are behaving like this... But it is NOT your responsibility to figure HIM out. Truth be told, if you were a sucker (like a lot of us on here have been) he would be ALL over you. That's how this disease works.
Now is the time to start figuring YOURSELF out instead of trying to figure HIM out.
Who knows, maybe he'll come around and get some help... Maybe not.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
The thing is she rejected him and he could have left it at that but no he had to come back, get forgiveness and hurt her back.
I think its more than just him not interested BC he told her he loved her etc. He's just too messed up to be in a relationship with anyone. He can't even answer her on a text, come on. It's ridiculous and despicable, he should have a little more respect for a friend of two years.
Confused people confuse others. Crazy people make others feel crazy...
I think its more than just him not interested BC he told her he loved her etc. He's just too messed up to be in a relationship with anyone. He can't even answer her on a text, come on. It's ridiculous and despicable, he should have a little more respect for a friend of two years.
Confused people confuse others. Crazy people make others feel crazy...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
There are 44 year old men out there that don't act like this. There are 44 year old men out there that don't have anything beyond "normal" problems.
You've probably met several of them and haven't even noticed them because they aren't a charismatic alcoholic with sh!tloads of problems that your are going to solve!!!
The problem here is YOU and why you deal with this garbage.
You'll hear from him again unfortunately. A's always weasel their way back in when they run out of things to do, money to spend, or other people to put up with their crap.
You've probably met several of them and haven't even noticed them because they aren't a charismatic alcoholic with sh!tloads of problems that your are going to solve!!!
The problem here is YOU and why you deal with this garbage.
You'll hear from him again unfortunately. A's always weasel their way back in when they run out of things to do, money to spend, or other people to put up with their crap.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by redatlanta
There are 44 year old men out there that don't act like this. There are 44 year old men out there that don't have anything beyond "normal" problems.
You've probably met several of them and haven't even noticed them because they aren't a charismatic alcoholic with sh!tloads of problems that your are going to solve!!!
The problem here is YOU and why you deal with this garbage.
You'll hear from him again unfortunately. A's always weasel their way back in when they run out of things to do, money to spend, or other people to put up with their crap.
You've probably met several of them and haven't even noticed them because they aren't a charismatic alcoholic with sh!tloads of problems that your are going to solve!!!
The problem here is YOU and why you deal with this garbage.
You'll hear from him again unfortunately. A's always weasel their way back in when they run out of things to do, money to spend, or other people to put up with their crap.
And something I heard during that time:
You're only attracted to someone as sick as yourself.
I found it to be true.
I was siiiiiick.
One good thing came out of it:
I saw a lot from the other side. And learned a lot more about myself,but not by trying to figure out what made HER tick.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Tuesday, the Silent Treatment is Emotional and Mental Abuse.
Why don't you block him.
I mean if he contacted you what would you say to him at this point?
You can take your power back and decide the relationship is over for yourself...
You don't need to wait for him to do it....
Why don't you block him.
I mean if he contacted you what would you say to him at this point?
You can take your power back and decide the relationship is over for yourself...
You don't need to wait for him to do it....
Originally Posted by Tuesday1969
I also realised that his M.O is verbal abuse.
Either the verbal abuse I received when he sent 150 text messages calling me a b and a c and telling me to die.
Or
What I am receiving now, complete silence, which is also verbal abuse. Refusing to talk.
And to think only a few weeks ago he was calling me his "soulmate"
His actions and words go from one extreme to the other. He either is telling me he loves me, or he goes cold. Or sending abusive texts or giving me the silent treatment
I've got to let him go. I wish I could instantly emotionally detach. I have hung on, thinking he might contact me, knowing that if I go down the path of detaching, and he starts contacting me, it will be too late and I won't be able to reconcile.
Either the verbal abuse I received when he sent 150 text messages calling me a b and a c and telling me to die.
Or
What I am receiving now, complete silence, which is also verbal abuse. Refusing to talk.
And to think only a few weeks ago he was calling me his "soulmate"
His actions and words go from one extreme to the other. He either is telling me he loves me, or he goes cold. Or sending abusive texts or giving me the silent treatment
I've got to let him go. I wish I could instantly emotionally detach. I have hung on, thinking he might contact me, knowing that if I go down the path of detaching, and he starts contacting me, it will be too late and I won't be able to reconcile.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
A drunk alcoholic and an alcoholic that's not drinking are often two completely different people.
If he has underlying mental health issues, that could just compound it. My advice would be to focus on yourself, but I'm not all that good at advice.
Be well.
If he has underlying mental health issues, that could just compound it. My advice would be to focus on yourself, but I'm not all that good at advice.
Be well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: queensland
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by freetosmile
I've been stalking this thread and haven't made a comment, but I think I will now.
Honey, the one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that rejection SUCKS. It hurts so bad not knowing WHY we aren't good enough for these people!!!! I have begged and pleaded with God and AH to tell me how to fix myself so that I am loveable. Why would this person NOT text?? Why would this person NOT give me closure??? At least some damn closure!
You are setting expectations that are NOT achievable for this man. It IS perplexing why they are behaving like this... But it is NOT your responsibility to figure HIM out. Truth be told, if you were a sucker (like a lot of us on here have been) he would be ALL over you. That's how this disease works.
Now is the time to start figuring YOURSELF out instead of trying to figure HIM out.
Who knows, maybe he'll come around and get some help... Maybe not.
Honey, the one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that rejection SUCKS. It hurts so bad not knowing WHY we aren't good enough for these people!!!! I have begged and pleaded with God and AH to tell me how to fix myself so that I am loveable. Why would this person NOT text?? Why would this person NOT give me closure??? At least some damn closure!
You are setting expectations that are NOT achievable for this man. It IS perplexing why they are behaving like this... But it is NOT your responsibility to figure HIM out. Truth be told, if you were a sucker (like a lot of us on here have been) he would be ALL over you. That's how this disease works.
Now is the time to start figuring YOURSELF out instead of trying to figure HIM out.
Who knows, maybe he'll come around and get some help... Maybe not.
When he sent me the 150 abusive texts in two hours, I forgave him.
The texts I sent him this past two weeks were mostly of concern and worry as to his whereabouts. There was nothing remotely abusive or any name calling or abuse. The tone was nice generally. Maybe a bit miffed in some parts. S I don't see why that's so unforgivable when you think of what he did to me.
I haven't texted in a few days. So it's all stopped.
I feel like if he wanted me to stop texting him at any stage, he would have said so, but giving me no reply, feels like he was enjoying the attention or wanted to see how far he could push me. He could have told me to p off or say stop but he didn't. He is obviously not averse to texting so I feel like if he wanted me to go away he would have said so.
I think he was enjoying the attention. I don't know if I'm right though
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: queensland
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by redatlanta
There are 44 year old men out there that don't act like this. There are 44 year old men out there that don't have anything beyond "normal" problems.
You've probably met several of them and haven't even noticed them because they aren't a charismatic alcoholic with sh!tloads of problems that your are going to solve!!!
The problem here is YOU and why you deal with this garbage.
You'll hear from him again unfortunately. A's always weasel their way back in when they run out of things to do, money to spend, or other people to put up with their crap.
You've probably met several of them and haven't even noticed them because they aren't a charismatic alcoholic with sh!tloads of problems that your are going to solve!!!
The problem here is YOU and why you deal with this garbage.
You'll hear from him again unfortunately. A's always weasel their way back in when they run out of things to do, money to spend, or other people to put up with their crap.
I can feel that if I don't hear from him in the next two weeks, and he contacts me at some stage after that, I am probably not going to want anything to do with him, as he will have left it too late.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: queensland
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Earthworm
Tuesday, the Silent Treatment is Emotional and Mental Abuse.
Why don't you block him.
I mean if he contacted you what would you say to him at this point?
You can take your power back and decide the relationship is over for yourself...
You don't need to wait for him to do it....
Why don't you block him.
I mean if he contacted you what would you say to him at this point?
You can take your power back and decide the relationship is over for yourself...
You don't need to wait for him to do it....
Thankyou earthworm
The thing that I am most upset about is that he just didn't care when I was concerned for him.
He knew I was worried and he just didn't bother replying.
That lack of care to me signals the end. He didn't care how I felt.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Well it's a sign of self absorption I would say.
You can end the relationship for yourself....
The closure is in his actions, you don't need any words from him.
You can end the relationship for yourself....
The closure is in his actions, you don't need any words from him.
Originally Posted by Tuesday1969
Thankyou earthworm
The thing that I am most upset about is that he just didn't care when I was concerned for him.
He knew I was worried and he just didn't bother replying.
That lack of care to me signals the end. He didn't care how I felt.
The thing that I am most upset about is that he just didn't care when I was concerned for him.
He knew I was worried and he just didn't bother replying.
That lack of care to me signals the end. He didn't care how I felt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: queensland
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Earthworm
Well it's a sign of self absorption I would say.
You can end the relationship for yourself....
The closure is in his actions, you don't need any words from him.
You can end the relationship for yourself....
The closure is in his actions, you don't need any words from him.
But i really thought giving his communicative manner with texting that he would have texted me saying to go away leave him alone or whatever. So i am not sure what his silence means
Do you think i should just take his silence to mean its all finished?
He can be very reclusive, so thats why i am doubting.. I mean he has said NOTHING
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by Tuesday1969
I just wonder if I should just forget this guy.
and, for the sake of your dignity and well-being, STOP texting him (I know you haven't in a couple of days). Just don't.
Go no contact. It is over. Let it go. No one who wants someone and is healthy behaves this way.
Seriously, he is not worth it and you are worth more.
Let it go. For good.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Why are you putting all the power in his hands?
How about YOU take this bad treatment to decide it's over?
How about YOU take this bad treatment to decide it's over?
Originally Posted by Tuesday1969
Im getting closer to just ending whatever it was myself
But i really thought giving his communicative manner with texting that he would have texted me saying to go away leave him alone or whatever. So i am not sure what his silence means
Do you think i should just take his silence to mean its all finished?
He can be very reclusive, so thats why i am doubting.. I mean he has said NOTHING
But i really thought giving his communicative manner with texting that he would have texted me saying to go away leave him alone or whatever. So i am not sure what his silence means
Do you think i should just take his silence to mean its all finished?
He can be very reclusive, so thats why i am doubting.. I mean he has said NOTHING
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
IMHO it sounds like control and abusive behavior. Did you ever think that maybe he should be concerned about you? He hasn't checked on you for that length of time to make sure you are ok. Why would you want anything to do with anyone that treats you so disrespectfully. I want you to write down on a piece of paper all of the things you do not like about him. And keep reading it over and over!!! Everyone wants what they cannot have. It's like when I tell my children not to do something. All I have done is make the something I told them not to do that much more interesting and more appealing to do!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
