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Is He On A Binge , or ignoring me for other reason?

Old 04-09-2015, 07:14 PM
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Thankyou Charis78

Yeah, a couple of other people think he might be enjoying the attention.

I received one text from him Tuesday 31st,

Nothing since,

The last time he rang me which was Sunday the 29th of march, he apologised for being aloof the week before, and that it is because he doesnt know if he can “love again” after splitting up with his ex, which was actually 4 years ago now. They have two young kids, and he hardly ever gets to see them, and honestly i think he is a pretty broken man.

When he rang me that sunday he was really apologetic about being aloof, and that he doesnt know why he gets aloof, and that when we have sex, he doesnt know what he is supposed to “do” afterwards, or how he is supposed to act.

I said i understood, and that i am really glad he told me, and i also said that i would rather he tells me than just go silent on me.

he then arranged we would go out the next weekend (easter)

AND THEN, the day after, he did just that, and i havent heard from him since except the one worded text on 31st march.

maybe he just shut down emotionally completely?

i didnt really get frantic until Easter Monday, more than a week after speaking to him. i thought something had happened

People get reported as missing if they are gone for as little as 12 hours. hell that has happened in this country twice this week, and all over the news.

AND why in hell wouldnt he just text and say "hey F off" if he didnt want to hear from me? Ive had nothing , no text. Just silence.

Im actually pretty angry

I havent texted him for a couple of days. And i never sent anything angry at any time. Just concerned and confused
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Old 04-09-2015, 07:58 PM
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Read about emotional unavailability.
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Old 04-09-2015, 07:59 PM
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Is it possible he lost his phone. My ex lost his twice when drunk. However he did contact me through other means.

He basically in his own way warned you he was a mess when he said he's not sure he can love again. I would get out now bc this push pull behavior only gets worse especially when they realize you tolerate it. Some people are just too screwed up to be in. A relationship, it sounds like he is one of those people
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Old 04-09-2015, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by charis78 View Post
Is it possible he lost his phone. My ex lost his twice when drunk. However he did contact me through other means.

He basically in his own way warned you he was a mess when he said he's not sure he can love again. I would get out now bc this push pull behavior only gets worse especially when they realize you tolerate it. Some people are just too screwed up to be in. A relationship, it sounds like he is one of those people
On monday when i became bit frantic thinking something had happened to him, ( i mean people have been reported missing if they cant be found after a mere 12 hours and we have had two cases like that in the media this week)

so i didmt think it was unreasonable to be worried after one week of no reply to ANYTHING

so i contacted one of his friends to see if they had heard from him and he said he had one text from him the day before.

So i know his phone is working and he is alive, but that is all i know.

i didnt want to involve his friend so i didnt ask anything further, but then the guy did say he would ring him and find out why he is doing this to me, but i havent heard back
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Old 04-09-2015, 08:54 PM
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Could it be as simple as you have created a magical fantasy Jerry and Elaine friendship with this guy. slept with him and you took it to a whole other level and made him your everything. You didn't want to give up that fantasy, reality is to painful to accept so you gave him a second chance to prove to you again that he is not that into you like you are into him.

Friendship- lover what ever term YOU wish to use the fact remains, you don't even know where this person lives.

You can make what ever excuse you want, he drinks, he's drunk, on a bender, he's mad at you for not allowing him to move in with you, ect. ect, to ease the pain and fend off accepting the reality but you can't run from that reality for very long, it catches up quick.

Your obsession with him should be a big red flag that something inside of you is not thinking clearly or behaving healthy.
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Old 04-09-2015, 08:57 PM
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
Could it be as simple as you have created a magical fantasy Jerry and Elaine friendship with this guy. slept with him and you took it to a whole other level and made him your everything. You didn't want to give up that fantasy, reality is to painful to accept so you gave him a second chance to prove to you again that he is not that into you like you are into him.

Friendship- lover what ever term YOU wish to use the fact remains, you don't even know where this person lives.

You can make what ever excuse you want, he drinks, he's drunk, on a bender, he's mad at you for not allowing him to move in with you, ect. ect, to ease the pain and fend off accepting the reality but you can't run from that reality for very long, it catches up quick.

Your obsession with him should be a big red flag that something inside of you is not thinking clearly or behaving healthy.
It was him that started calling us Elaine and Jerry... not me, he said it all the time
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:02 PM
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He has issues. Really quick at the gate (texting all the time, nicknames, wanting to move in) then pulls away for days at a time with no explanation whatsoever. I be texting alot too, prob even more if the bastard is ignoring me lol. I commend you for not telling him off like I would. This behavior just drives you insane though. Trust me I've been through it. If he attempts to contact you and he doesn't have a good excuse (like he came down with ebola) I ignore him back. You deserve so much better girly.
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:06 PM
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Weren't you guys friends for a long time before. Is this usual behavior for him or just when you want to get closer.
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:31 PM
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He disappeared once for. 5 days. Yeah we've been friends two years

Yeah I haven't told him off. I don't think I am obsessed, just really hate ****** behaviour and the silent treatment
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:36 PM
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I really think silent treatment naturally makes someone more "obsessive" in that you try to get person to talk. Some say its emotional abuse/control tactic. It is my biggest pet peeve. The very least he could do is just tell you he needed space and will talk in a few days, that's what normal people do. This is so childish. We both need to get real men!
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Old 04-09-2015, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by charis78 View Post
I really think silent treatment naturally makes someone more "obsessive" in that you try to get person to talk. Some say its emotional abuse/control tactic. It is my biggest pet peeve. The very least he could do is just tell you he needed space and will talk in a few days, that's what normal people do. This is so childish. We both need to get real men!
Yes, you are so right, . Just one text saying I need to be alone for one week two weeks one month, or forever, then fine I wouldn't even be thinking about him right now

But nothing, that is just rude
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Old 04-10-2015, 07:04 AM
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Have you ever read the book "He's Just not that into You"? It's written by a man (and a former alcoholic). Its blunt, but simple and very effective.

Some chapters that resonated with me the most were: "He's just not that into you - if he's not calling (or texting)" and "He's just not that into you - if he's DISAPPEARED."
Its the easy way out b.c for whatever's going on w/him - its easier than TELLING you to your face.

It hurts, but reading that book made me feel a whole lot less 'worried' about him laying in a ditch somewhere or unidentifiable in a hospital bed....

Sorry you are going through this.
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Old 04-10-2015, 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Tuesday1969 View Post
honestly i think he is a pretty broken man.

When he rang me that sunday he was really apologetic about being aloof, and that he doesnt know why he gets aloof, and that when we have sex, he doesnt know what he is supposed to “do” afterwards, or how he is supposed to act.
Have you ever asked yourself why you desire to have a relationship with such a "project"? Do you think you can "fix" him if he's so broken in your eyes? He's even detailing out to you what a "project" he is. Please believe him.
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Old 04-10-2015, 11:32 AM
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By saying that he was

A: telling you how screwed up he is

B: that he's that way and letting you know he's going to do nothing to change.

C: and he wanted to see how you would react to that info. You took it in stride so he knows now he can carry on and behave like a Horses A$&!

If he told you those things and sentence ended with " but I'm in therapy to deal with these issues." it would be a different story. But that wasn't the case.
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
Have you ever asked yourself why you desire to have a relationship with such a "project"? Do you think you can "fix" him if he's so broken in your eyes? He's even detailing out to you what a "project" he is. Please believe him.

I don't know. It just seems that the interesting guys, the ones who are not vanilla, seem to have these issues. It seems to just come along with it in my recent experience.

Believe me I'd like to meet someone normal.

He is 44. I want a guy that age , but they seem to come with a lot of baggage, judging by teh last 2 guys before him I dated. All either divorced or scarred from relationships.
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Earthworm View Post
By saying that he was

A: telling you how screwed up he is

B: that he's that way and letting you know he's going to do nothing to change.

C: and he wanted to see how you would react to that info. You took it in stride so he knows now he can carry on and behave like a Horses A$&!

If he told you those things and sentence ended with " but I'm in therapy to deal with these issues." it would be a different story. But that wasn't the case.

Yep. You are right.
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:16 PM
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I still haven't heard from him. I apologised for texting too much.

I thought he would accept my apology since I have forgiven him for much worse ( when he texted me 150 texts verbally abusing me when I said I wasn't sure if he could move in)

So he has continued the silent treatment, because I texted him too much in the last fortnight. I feel like this is it and I will never hear from him again. He won't even text me to say hey we're done. I have to guess it for myself.

I know I can't control what he does so how can I just let this go and just give myself closure" it's hard when they don't give it to you.

His silence could be purely a game, but I can't hang on any longer and I need to just let it go, but I'm not sure how
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:33 PM
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I also realised that his M.O is verbal abuse.

Either the verbal abuse I received when he sent 150 text messages calling me a b and a c and telling me to die.

Or

What I am receiving now, complete silence, which is also verbal abuse. Refusing to talk.


And to think only a few weeks ago he was calling me his "soulmate"

His actions and words go from one extreme to the other. He either is telling me he loves me, or he goes cold. Or sending abusive texts or giving me the silent treatment

I've got to let him go. I wish I could instantly emotionally detach. I have hung on, thinking he might contact me, knowing that if I go down the path of detaching, and he starts contacting me, it will be too late and I won't be able to reconcile.
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:40 PM
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Double post.

Last edited by Tentindependent; 04-10-2015 at 12:42 PM. Reason: Double post with funky spelling!
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Old 04-10-2015, 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuesday1969 View Post
He won't even text me to say hey we're done. I have to guess it for myself.
Here's a radical idea - how about you decide that you're done, stop contacting him and block his number.
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